77 replies to this topic

[Barn]

Terrible terrible news, always seemed like a great person and a genuine football man.  RIP Speed and thoughts and comiserations with the family and friends he's left behind.



Loz, were they you're own words?  It was superbly written and quite a touching insight for me as someone that hasn't really been around anyone with depression, certainly makes me reconsider some thoughts I've had around the subject.  Well done and thanks.

[loz]

Yes they are Barn.  Depression is something I have written on before on here and elsewhere.  It is a subject that causes  many difficulties and a lot of misunderstanding.  I don't for a second criticise people who don't fully comprehend it because, for one, it affects different people in different ways and also because if you haven't been affected by it (either personally or through knowledge of someone who has) then it is a difficult thing to get your head around.

[dkw]

I used to think anyone claiming depression was a skiver and a chancer, it was how most felt 10-15 years ago. That was until my Dad had it. He was a big man, both personality wise and physically, but he ended up having to do 3 peoples jobs and it damn nearly killed him. He simply collapsed into himself, he went from being an extrovert to basically a hermit, he didnt want to leave his bedroom and didnt want anything to do with anyone. It took him a few years to get over it pretty much completely (fingers crossed). I have every sympathy with anyone who goes through anything like that.

[The Moos]

loz, on 28 November 2011 - 02:45 AM, said:

Whenever something like this happens I hope that some good (if that is possible) can come from it.  If it is only a small increase in understanding of depression and the impact it has then that is a small silver lining on an otherwise dark cloud.

I am happy to go public and acknowledge the difficulties I have had in the past and in the past 6 months for I feel no shame about it.  If my struggle opens just one pair of eyes then it is worth the honesty.

I realise there are people who can’t understand what they perceive as ‘selfishness’ when someone takes their own life and maybe there are times when I needed a voice of reality to tear through the fog of existence. But I, as many others do, existed in a fog with the pain of life and intensities of dreams dominating and that brought a pain of disenchantment or horrors of detachment (or a myriad of other potential agonies).

Life became distant, something you touch occasionally with the distance between you and it growing and getting harder to touch. The shadows creep around you and engulf all that was good and fun and smother you like a pillow that is both comforting and treacherous.

You (well mine, I don’t begin to speak for other people who suffer) wonder if your life is like a blundering circus clown or a series of complicated dance steps that, inevitably, show you up publically and lead you to walk away with too many bruises and a sense of what you once were.  I questioned what walks my way now. I wondered if it were time to apply the iodine now and wish away the remaining days, hours and minutes of humanity. I cried for the person I was for he was a person who combined the virtues of integrity, commonality and mainstream fun - that person was long gone and I missed the joy of an internal friend because now I felt his prior existence mocked the carcass that had been left behind. I drank as I always drank but I drank to numb what I had - to make my memories fade like magazines in a dusty attic.

I was not the friend people once knew as when they knew me I had hope.

We are all human and we all suffer sometimes. When your senses are truly awake they can be your best friend or your most dangerous enemy.  How we react to them is often taken out of our control and it is, for me, the duty of all of us to look kindly on those who struggle and help them when we can.

Beautiful. Simply beautiful. Even brought tears to my eyes.

I myself have in my past fallen down that deep well of darkness and pain. Though, I didn't fall as low as some other people have. I was close to ending it all, but luckily never quite reached the stage where I did it. Close calls, but no real attempt.

It is something that is very hard to explain and, probably, also very difficult to understand for someone who hasn't been there.

Since my bad episode (guess you could call it that anyway) I've had a few relapses, but none really serious. Though every time something bad happens in my life it has a big impact on me and then I run the risk of falling back into the well again. Worst time was when I lost three loved ones in one year (my aunts husband, my uncle and my neighbours lovely dog), but I got through that as well.

I have also seen someone I know suffer from depression and she even tried to end it all. I felt so, so sorry for her because I knew in a way how she must have felt and I don't think the people around here really new that. Though they did everything to help her so she's much better today. Loads of love can work wonders.

Depression is a terrible thing and when someone takes his/her own life because of it, it really is a huge tragedy. I feel sad for Gary Speed and his family and friends. This really is a horrible time for them and I just hope they can get through this in one piece.

[Nibs]

dkw, on 28 November 2011 - 01:06 PM, said:

I used to think anyone claiming depression was a skiver and a chancer, it was how most felt 10-15 years ago. That was until my Dad had it. He was a big man, both personality wise and physically, but he ended up having to do 3 peoples jobs and it damn nearly killed him. He simply collapsed into himself, he went from being an extrovert to basically a hermit, he didnt want to leave his bedroom and didnt want anything to do with anyone. It took him a few years to get over it pretty much completely (fingers crossed). I have every sympathy with anyone who goes through anything like that.

To be fair, many who claim to have depression are probably just that. When I worked for a huge Insurance company, we had a number of people off with "depression" when the truth is they were just a bit depressed after their latest bust up with their boyfriend.
Wan't to make it clear that I am not making light of it and those like Loz who have clearly suffered - God only knows what it's like and it's just a real shame that many can make the same claim when it's very difficult to disprove.

[The Brit]

I have never understood why people react to someone taking their own life by saying 'how selfish'...for me that is selfish!...obviously I understand that when someone commits suicide they leave a world of hurt for their friends and family behind...but for me that just shows how much pain that individual must have been to go through with it in the first place and I just feel sad that they didn't see another path for themselves to take...
I think it's fairly normal to go through lows in your life...sadly as kids we grow up being told it's a walt disney movie, when in truth it's a constant battle and as a result, many people get disillusioned with life and think they're failures etc...but i see it as peaks and valleys...I have had my fair share of both, but in bad times I always try and remember the highs and another one could be round the corner...it may be a small thing like a great night out with friends/family or a Chelsea victory!!
as yet no-one knows why gary speed took his own life, but I just hope people develop an understanding of why such things happen rather than be too judgemental...you never know, someone close to you (hope not)may be going through the same thing

[Nevin]

A terrible tragedy but the sentimentality and hyperbole on display in the press is so hypocritical.  After all, they are the people whose muck-racking articles and vicious witchhunts pile the pressure on sports people and create situations which may become unbearable and impact on a person's mental health.  All this talk of more understanding for people with depression is just lip service and I don't forsee a change in their mode of operation any time soon.  Evil tossers the lot of them!

(That's not to speculate that Gary Speed's death was anything to do with them.)

[loz]

I must admit I haven't bothered following any of the press coverage of it largely for the reasons you mention Nevin.  I don't expect the British press to change their ways one bit - they will, as they always do, change their perspective as soon as the perspective generates greater sales.

What I hope is that the understanding of the person on the street is enhanced.

[clubhappy]

Nevin, on 28 November 2011 - 05:57 PM, said:

A terrible tragedy but the sentimentality and hyperbole on display in the press is so hypocritical.  After all, they are the people whose muck-racking articles and vicious witchhunts pile the pressure on sports people and create situations which may become unbearable and impact on a person's mental health.  All this talk of more understanding for people with depression is just lip service and I don't forsee a change in their mode of operation any time soon.  Evil tossers the lot of them!

(That's not to speculate that Gary Speed's death was anything to do with them.)

Thers a strong rumour that a certain newspaper was delving into his private life and were about to run a story , as i said its just a rumour .

Just a lovely man and this is incredibly sad .

RIP

[mad_mac]

Can't say any more than has already been said. RIP, Gary.

[Valerie]

I know from close hand that it's possible to suffer from depression without anyone knowing, without giving off signs. When such a person takes his own life, it leaves you bewildered, blaming yourself, on top of the misery of losing someone.

We don't know what happened in Gary Speed's case, but I think we can all imagine the pain and the grief his family and friends are feeling. It brings tears to my eyes.

[lauren]

It's totally possible that depression was not the reason for his suicide. Many depressed people do not contemplate suicide. For all we know suicide can be for a number of reasons, infidelity on either side, money issues, bad business decision, causing somebody else pain either physically or verbally, ruining somebody else's career or personal life,  gambling, illness. Whatever it was for Gary Speed it was presumably something he couldn't bear to live with any longer. There are also sexual reasons for hanging yourself - some people are into asphyxiation for sexual pleasure (Michael Hutchence allegedly did this). It may also have been an accident - perhaps he was fixing something.

[Eagle Owl]

Valerie, on 30 November 2011 - 06:52 PM, said:

I know from close hand that it's possible to suffer from depression without anyone knowing, without giving off signs. When such a person takes his own life, it leaves you bewildered, blaming yourself, on top of the misery of losing someone.

We don't know what happened in Gary Speed's case, but I think we can all imagine the pain and the grief his family and friends are feeling. It brings tears to my eyes.

Agreed. It's really easy hiding those feelings inside and keeping them to yourself. Speculations about what made him do it are more or less useless, since we'll probably never get to know that. A tragic death which really seemed to stop the whole football world.

R.I.P

[Davey Baby]

lauren, on 01 December 2011 - 04:42 AM, said:

It's totally possible that depression was not the reason for his suicide. Many depressed people do not contemplate suicide. For all we know suicide can be for a number of reasons, infidelity on either side, money issues, bad business decision, causing somebody else pain either physically or verbally, ruining somebody else's career or personal life,  gambling, illness. Whatever it was for Gary Speed it was presumably something he couldn't bear to live with any longer. There are also sexual reasons for hanging yourself - some people are into asphyxiation for sexual pleasure (Michael Hutchence allegedly did this). It may also have been an accident - perhaps he was fixing something.

Good post Lauren, although I found that last line a bit strange.

I wrote in the Terry thread that the witch-hunt against him, one that no doubt has huge repercussions for his family, particularly his children, could cause him to kill himself. I wrote that weeks ago and some thought I was over-dramatic but I firmly believe the press have a greater responsibility here. They overstep the mark, and if someone is mentally fragile, it will happen. We can only speculate what it's like to have to go through what Terry does on a daily basis, especially given the fact his "crimes" are trivial compared to some. It's disgusting.

[Seven Times]

What was the tribute like yesterday?

I missed the first 20 minutes, due to work.

[Davey Baby]

Six Times, on 04 December 2011 - 12:11 PM, said:

What was the tribute like yesterday?

I missed the first 20 minutes, due to work.

A minute's applause.

Their tribute will be in a fortnight, when his widow attends.

Edit: Also, for the duration of the 11th minute (Speed wore number 11), the fans sang his name.

Edited by Davey Baby, 04 December 2011 - 04:59 PM.

[DannyD]

Couldn't think of what to post so I kind of veered away from this thread.
I'll just say that it's saddening to see someone pass away when he had everything going for him as a manager, and he looked happy too, which makes you think, if it really was suicide then whatever made him choose to do it he did a great job in hiding it. But I hope this wasn't the case...

Great player, R.I.P Gary

[The Evil Drogba]

clubhappy, on 28 November 2011 - 06:59 PM, said:

Thers a strong rumour that a certain newspaper was delving into his private life and were about to run a story , as i said its just a rumour .

Just a lovely man and this is incredibly sad .

RIP

I heard this, apparently the independent had actually written an article about the sun about to publish an article to do gary speed. Gary and his wife had a massive row the night beofre and she slept in the car. Someone I know who knows a high profile football manager said that it might have been a gay thing