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  1. 23 points

    Season's Player Ratings with NOBS on

    Season’s player ratings out of 10 using an innovative decimal system which gives me 20 available rating points. This week’s specious comparison is the Nationality of Best Suitability (NOBS) – an assessment of the nationality a player should be based on my expert assessment of his personality and my extensive knowledge of national stereotypes based on a lifetime of working with Johnny Foreigner. I’ve left out a few players so you can have a go because I’m a giver. Kepa – 7 - Bonus point for the excellence of his distribution and his undoubted bravery in taking the ball in tight situations. Never shy in making a routine save look spectacular and does not dominate his box in any way whatsoever. Will hopefully improve and could yet be a notch or two below world class. NOBS – Saudi – Exhibits a sense of entitlement often seen in the “there are no poor people in my country – insurance, what insurance” Saudi male. The women are great. “I’m not coming off the pitch, you can’t make me”. Dave – 6.5 – Lovely man, Captain in name only. Never any issue with effort and defensively sound but severely lacking in the “offensive phase” being about as useful as a wall angled at about 70 degrees. NOBS – Belgian. Bland, safe, unremarkable in every way, inoffensive, harmless, who you could accept as a son-in-law if it looked as if nothing better is on the horizon. Zappacosta – 5.5 – Made a few brief appearances and had no appreciable effect whatsoever. Limited. NOBS – Syrian. It’s the murine appearance, I’m afraid. Luiz – 6.5 – Obviously not a centre half. Not really any type of a defender or meaningful contributor to the *defensive phase”. Not a holding midfielder and not much use in any other position. Anything he has won has been in spite of him. Sprays the odd nice pass and smiles a lot. Would be a good man to have around in an orgy you’d think. NOBS – Brazilian. Everybody’s second favourite nationality. It’s the smooth facial skin like a carefully maintained mons pubis – and the teeth. Alonso – 5 – Found out this season, unfortunately. Tall. NOBS – Danish. No real defining characteristics. Tall. Kovacic – 5 – Library book of a footballer, careworn, slightly frayed, easily misplaced, forgettable. Wouldn’t get near a Mourinho midfield, lacking, as he does, any semblance of athleticism. Reminds me of an extremely poor man’s Ray Wilkins. NOBS – Any Eastern European statelet you can spell. Let him stay in your spare room while he sorts himself out and he’s still there 3 years later. Hazard – 8 – Happily I think the few wise old heads among us do know how lucky we have been to have had this diamond with us for so long. Outrageously talented, resilient, brave, imaginative and possessed of a measured intelligence, he has been a once in generation adornment to our beloved club. NOBS – Irish – Everybody’s favourite nationality. Perhaps it is the 800 years of being oppressed by less than benign imperial neighbours that has produced a nation of modest, fun, universally loved rogues. Kante – 8 – Completes our complement of two world class players. Showed his footballing intelligence by regularly excelling in a position which does not utilise his vast cannon of skills. He just gets on with it in a way that is rare in today’s pampered multi-millionaire. We are lucky to have him. Short. NOBS – Japanese – When they are not concealing cameras in toilet bowls they are actually modest, industrious, all-round good eggs. Short. Hudson Odoi – 7 – We must keep this young man or it could rival the De Bruyne/Salah worst decision in the history of sport category of which we are the reigning world champions. Just roll him the ball and let him play. NOBS – Citizen of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Are you staying or leaving? We want to leave but you won’t let us. Just go for feck’s sake – sorry if we don’t look like we’ll fall apart without you. Can we just pretend to leave but really stay? Willian – 5.5 – Sorry but you are playing in the best league in the world, for one of the best clubs, treated like royalty, with a decent amount of talent, basically living the dream, yet you slope about the place looking f**king miserable you pouting stream of piss. No one likes you. NOBS – Israeli – No one likes them. Sarri – 7 – Strange man. Off the scale stubborn and clearly incapable of even listening to advice. Yet is capable of getting his message across to the players. I like him as he is clearly in touch with his death wish and has worse teeth than me, which very few do. NOBS – Russian living in Germany. Dour, joyless and somehow incapable of appreciating the break that life has given.
  2. 19 points

    Sarri - In or Out?

    So, Sarri leads us to 3rd, loses one final, then wins a European trophy, unbeaten in the competition and has the biggest Cup final win in our history. We'll done to the gaffer.
  3. 18 points
    I love that this club never accepts defeat when things are going wrong. Everything about this final was going badly for the club, our transfer ban, Hazard and Sarri's future being up in the air, an ill timed friendly in America which ended up with one of our key players picking up a serious injury, Rudiger still on crutches and Kante almost having a malfunction just before the final, and we still won the cup. The attitude to never give up has played a massive role in our success in the last decade. It's almost become our thing now.
  4. 17 points
    Scott Harris

    Sarri - In or Out?

    I hate this type of attitude. One day the trophies will dry up, and you will be begging for another League Cup, FA Cup or Europa League victory. I don't like to use the words spoilt or say people aren't proper fans of the club, but in this case, I think it's fair to say you fit both of those. To say you're not interested in winning any trophy outside of the Champions League and Premier League is so ungrateful. You're basically saying that half of what we have won in the Roman era and almost everything we won before it in our history means nothing.
  5. 17 points
    There is something magical about this photo.. Look at the pride in his eyes. It's one for the ages, no doubt.
  6. 17 points
    You're not going to watch your team in a European Final because we might lose? Shocking mentality.
  7. 16 points
    Updated version of a photograph.
  8. 16 points
  9. 15 points

    Fun season ahead?

    Ok so this year we had to sit through half the fans bitching and whining all year about how much they hated Sarri, and how 3rd and a EUFA cup wasn't good enough etc etc. Now it seems like the coming season we'll have Frank back, a transfer ban and a squad full of kids. Now I'm not sure I can handle another 9 months of misery and whining, so how about we all agree to treat this season as just a good laugh, and not give a sh*t about things like league position and cups and all that? Let's pretend we're back in the 80's when we never expected anything, and a win was a surprise pleasure! Also we will probably get the added bonus os watching all the plastics f**k off to Liverpool and City! It's a win all around!
  10. 15 points

    Sarri - In or Out?

    in, but that isn't to say he's been perfect. reasons are: -he's essentially a coach. his reputation is built on that. so joining so late before the season started, and having to play thurs-sun all season, has denied him of a lot of time to really imprint his methods. despite this, we've acheived the target of going back into the champions league, and we've made two finals. -the squad is a mix of players suited to different styles, and a lot of the "best" players in the squad are past their very best (or on the turn). so even with a flatter track in terms of coaching time, this isn't the easiest set of players to mould. sarri signed one outfield player to add to this, and a further two on loan. he shouldn't be judged against most other chelsea managers under abramovich in this respect, as he has been afforded far less. -I think a lot of people have an artificially large expectation of what this squad should be doing because antonio conte is one of the four or five best managers in the world. even those who may no longer like conte may suffer a little from this. sarri is a fine coach, and the football his previous sides in particular attest to this. -I know there has been a lot of frustration about his reticence, or apparent reluctance to do so earlier, but this is actually the manager who put loftus cheek in. and he put huson-odoi in too, and had the welsh kid in ahead of cahill for a lot of the campaign as well. I'm not pretending there was no argument to do so earlier, or more, but credit where it's due here. -finally, I know a lot of people point to guardiola's first season (with others assuming the implication is that those who do are suggesting we will canter to the title next season), but I'd like make two slightly related points: a) recall pochettino and klopp's first seasons with spurs and liverpool. if you can. b) we've met our minimum target, and yet we're still supposed to sack the manager? how is starting from scratch again going to help us? guardiola must laugh himself to sleep every night thinking about how right he was to reject our advances. this is no way to run a club: allowing relations with a genuinely great manager (the calibre of which, be in no doubt, we can no longer attract) to sour to the extent we need to sack him; allowing our best player to run his contract down so we need to sell at cut price; sacking said manager too late to give the new one time to actually do any coaching or truly assess his new squad; then sacking the new guy despite his meeting minimum requirement with a hand tied behind his back, so the new guy can arrive to a club with no director of football and a two window transfer ban. for those keeping count, we've done all of the above and you are proposing we follow that up by doing the new bit in bold. In the long term sarri might not be right for us, but keeping him for now is the pragmatic thing to do.
  11. 15 points

    Sarri - In or Out?

    No pre-season No top class striker First time managing outside of Italy Top 4 finish, runners up in the League Cup and a good chance to make the Europa League Final. We also have two players from our academy in RLC and Hudson-Odoi who have basically broken into the first 11 He's made mistakes, been stubborn and been frustrating at times but has actually done a very good job to be fair to him You also have to take into account the fact that he's playing a completely different system to what this squad is used to and that takes time
  12. 14 points

    Sarri - In or Out?

    Not sure if it has been posted, but our management team, what Dons.
  13. 14 points
  14. 14 points
    Fair play to Emery. First comment he made in his interview was "congratulations to Chelsea". Showed real class there.
  15. 14 points
  16. 14 points

    Ruben Loftus-Cheek

    This one isn't on Sarri mate. He openly opposed the fixture, but had no choice but to participate. I am sure the board didn't pick the team, but I am also sure Sarri was obliged to give a certain number of big names a run out. With hindsight it's easy to say this person or that person should have been fully rested, but an injury to any player expected to start the final would have been greeted with the same response. It was a insanely stupid fixture to arrange prior to the biggest game of the season, and that's on the club not Sarri. The potential positives (staying fresh and sharp) were always going to be greatly outweighed by the potential negatives (injury to key players) and we have come a cropper, bigtime. It's not Sarri's fault though, and to try and pin blame on him is just a bit odd really...
  17. 14 points

    Chelsea get Top FOUR

    Thanks to all those whose efforts made this possible - Ole Gunner Solskjaer, Unai Emery... you guys are the best.
  18. 13 points
    I live near Tottenham town. I hate Tottenham. My Chelsea supporting bessie mate hates Tottenham so much he booked an expensive holiday on the other side of the world for him and the missus because he could not bear the pain and heartache he would have got round here if Tottenham had won. One minute after Liverpool's 2nd goal he texted me to say he felt safe to come home. You have to salute that. We hate Tottenham.
  19. 13 points
    I just found this Post-match pict
  20. 13 points
  21. 13 points
  22. 13 points

    Sarri - In or Out?

    Our current points tally is enough for top four 20 times out of the last 23 season's. Infact some season's teams that have ended up with 71 points we're in a title race heading to the business end (Spurs 15/16, Chelsea 10/11) admitedly an outside chance but still. If we win at Leicester our final points tally would have been enough 22 times out of the last 23. It's an absolute myth that we are lucky to be in top four, infact we would have been very unlucky to have missed out with this points tally.
  23. 13 points
    Liverpool winning the CL wouldn't bother me too much just as long as City win the league. I shudder at the thought of Liverpool doing the League and CL double. Tottenham really have no business being in the CL final. It's like if Michael Bay was nominated for an oscar, it's an absolute travesty. The biggest victims here though are the people of Madrid, who will see their fine city invaded by tens of thousands of scousers and spuds on the 1st of June. Nobody deserves that.
  24. 12 points
  25. 12 points
    Okay, here are the final results for the MOTM awards and player stats for the season. GS (Games started) S (Sub appearances) G (Goals) A (Assists) MP (motm points) MW (motm wins) Kepa Arrizabalaga - GS = 54 | S = 0 | G = 0 | A = 0 | MP = 123 | MW = 6 ( plus 1 shared) Willy Caballero - GS = 8 | S = 0 | G = 0 | A = 0 | MP = 8 | MW = 0 Robert Green - GS = 0 | S = 0 | G = 0 | A = 0 | MP = 0 | MW = 0 Cesar Azpilicueta - GS = 52 | S = 4 | G = 1 | A = 7 | MP = 39 | MW = 0 Davide Zappacosta - GS = 11 | S = 6 | G = 0 | A = 2 | MP = 9 | MW = 0 Marcos Alonso - GS = 38 | S = 0 | G = 4 | A = 5 | MP = 67 | MW = 3 ( plus 1 shared ) Emerson Palmieri - GS = 24 | S = 3 | G = 1 | A = 3 | MP = 38 | MW = 1 Antonio Rudiger - GS = 43 | S = 0 | G = 1 | A = 0 | MP = 49 | MW = 4 David Luiz - GS = 46 | S = 3 | G = 3 | A = 2 | MP = 95 | MW = 4 Andreas Christensen - GS = 27 | S = 2 | G = 0 | A = 1 | MP = 11 | MW = 0 Gary Cahill - GS = 6 | S = 2 | G = 0 | A = 0 | MP = 3 | MW = 0 Ethan Ampadu - GS = 3 | S = 1 | G = 0 | A = 0 | MP = 4 | MW = 0 Joginho - GS = 49 | S = 4 | G = 2 | A = 0 | MP = 83 | MW = 1 ( plus 1 shared ) Cesc Fabregas - GS = 9 | S = 6 | G = 1 | A = 3 | MP = 25 | MW = 1 Danny Drinkwater - GS = 0 | S = 0 | G = 0 | A = 0 | MP = 0 | MW = 0 N'Golo Kante - GS = 47 | S = 6 | G = 6 | A = 4 | MP = 175 | MW = 6 ( plus1 shared ) Mateo Kovacic - GS = 36 | S = 15 | G = 0 | A = 2 | MP = 38 | MW = 0 Ross Barkley - GS = 29 | S = 18 | G = 5 | A = 7 | MP = 80 | MW = 3 ( plus 1 shared ) Ruben Loftus-Cheek - GS = 17 | S = 23 | G = 10 | A = 7 | MP = 159 | MW = 8 Willian - GS = 43 | S = 12 | G = 8 | A = 13 | MP = 61 | MW = 2 ( plus 1 shared ) Pedro - GS = 35 | S = 16 | G = 13 | A = 5 | MP = 106 | MW = 3 ( plus 1 shared ) Victor Moses - GS = 1 | S = 4 | G = 0 | A = 0 | MP = 0 | MW = 0 Eden Hazard - GS = 40 | S = 12 | G = 21 | A = 17 | MP = 331 | MW = 12 ( plus 1 shared ) Callum Hudson-Odoi - GS = 11 | S = 12 | G = 5 | A = 5 | MP = 53 | MW = 2 Alvaro Morata - GS = 16 | S = 6 | G = 7 | A = 0 | MP = 31 | MW = 1 Olivier Giroud - GS = 21 | S = 24 | G = 14 | A = 10 | MP = 50 | MW = 1 Gonzalo Higuain - GS = 15 | S = 3 | G = 5 | A = 0 | MP = 34 | MW = 0 Eden Hazard is the runaway winner with a massive 331 points and 12 MOTM wins ( plus 1 shared ) Hazard finished 156 points ahead of Kante who finished 2nd with 175 points and 6 MOTM wins ( plus 1 shared ) Ruben Loftus-Cheek snatched 3rd place in the final stretch finishing with 159 points and 8 MOTM wins in only 17 starts all season. If Loftus-Cheek had started the season ahead of other players and didn't pick up injuries, I think he would have challenged Hazard for top spot. Eden Hazard picked up the most points since my last update ( 106 points and 4 MOTM wins ) Cesar Azpilicueta ended the season with the most appearances ( 56 ) Kepa Arrizabalaga started the most games ( 54 ) Olivier Giroud made the most substitute appearances ( 24 ) Eden Hazard had the most assists ( 17 ) Eden Hazard scored the most goals ( 21 ) I think it's fair to say that Eden Hazard is without a doubt the shed end player of the season.
  26. 12 points
    Fantastic win and a great way to conclude the season. Absolutely delighted for our players and manager on producing a magnificent performance against a major rival. It's great that Sarri has broken his drought and finally has a trophy next to his name. It's a big monkey off his back and going forward it will only give more confidence and belief that he can have further success as a manager. I'm not going to lie, I was highly critical of Sarri back in February and wanted him gone but he's been able to steady the ship by getting us a top 4 spot and winning the Europa League. I think weighing everything up, he easily receives a pass mark and is worthy of another season if he wishes to stay with us. Feels bittersweet hearing Hazard say he's most likely leaving this summer, and if this is the end, then I have nothing but gratitude for what he's produced for us in the last seven years. It's been a joy to watch him grow and have success with us. I think Chelsea will always be in his heart no matter what. Great night and depriving Arsenal of a CL spot is the icing on the cake.
  27. 12 points

    Sarri - In or Out?

    You've just described the whole point of a competition: 20 clubs play to see which of them has won the most points over 38 matches each. That includes the very lucky results, the bottle jobs, and the matches that are decided by one corner, or one send-off, or whatever. Why give it a negative slant? Like every club, we try to improve for the next season. Getting rid of a manager again, without having any idea who to appoint next, and the players learning a new system again, is not a step on the road to improvement.
  28. 12 points
    I see United also wore their new kit today ...
  29. 11 points
    I cant understand how anyone can question Rudiger after last season, he was comfortably our best defender.
  30. 11 points
  31. 11 points
  32. 11 points

    Welcome N’Golo Kante

    Injury doubt going into the game, somehow lasts 90 minutes and puts in (another) quality performance. I'm not sure he's actually human but thank goodness he's ours.
  33. 11 points
    That Billy Blood though . .
  34. 11 points
    Sarri out crowd?
  35. 11 points
  36. 11 points
  37. 11 points

    Sarri - In or Out?

    Frankfurt rested their main players on the weekend whilst we put out our full-strength side. Since last Thursday, they've essentially been preparing for this game and I don't think anyone can admit they're pushovers. We, however, went all out against a strong watford side (now in the FA Cup final) to secure our Champions league spot. Frankfurt put all their eggs in one basket to win the champions league and it showed, they put everything into this game. Their energy was immense, and the support drove their team on. We withstood a lot of pressure, had good chances and were piling on the pressure right to the end. Why are people seeing this as the final nail in the coffin for Sarri?? I'm tired of hearing boos from Chelsea fans every time I go to a game... Loftus Cheek was tiring after 75 mins, he wasn't playing with the same energy and aggression as the first half AND he's been recovering from a back injury for months. Instead of mindless booing, why don't we back our team and create an inspiring atmosphere for the players rather!!
  38. 11 points

    Sarri - In or Out?

    A few comments from the CL final match thread of this very forum to stir your memory.. Any of this sound any different to the match threads from this year? The night we beat Bayern was one of the best football nights I've ever had, but let's not pretend we won it through some display of football genius. We won it because we got lucky that night, and it didn't matter a damn because many of the same players should have won several CL's before that and they deserved to finally lift that big bastard trophy and scream in the faces of the European giants who had treated us like upstarts until that night. This forum has been full of wailing and teeth gnashing this year, with people talking like its the end of days because a new manager hasn't turned us into the new Barcelona overnight. It's long past time that people remembered that there's been plenty of times when we didn't look like much before but still went on to have some of the greatest nights in the clubs history. Now can we just enjoy making it to another European trophy final, support the manager and the lads and have some fun again? Tomorrow will bring what it brings, but Chelsea will still be here regardless.
  39. 11 points
    We beat the German's on penalties again!
  40. 11 points

    Two Transfer Window Ban?

    Christ some of you sound like we are getting ready to battle relegation
  41. 11 points

    Chelsea get Top FOUR

    And by horrendous, you mean glorious of course
  42. 11 points

    Chelsea get Top FOUR

    Hahaha how the f**k have we managed that?
  43. 11 points

    Mateo Kovačić

    Bit extreme
  44. 11 points
    Flicking through the thread on the way home I just have to say thanks god you miserable f**kers don’t turn out to support the team. Imagine how sh*te they’d be with you moany old f**kers there and not the amazing away support they always get behind them
  45. 11 points

    Racist fanbase???

    The so called racist who abused sterling has been found not guilty after lip reading experts backed his claim that he wasn't racially abusing him. As expected the f**king vermin who jumped all over hin claiming he was 100% guilty havent said a word, no apologise from sky, collymore, levene, Lineker etc, and I'm pretty sure it will be completely ignored by the media. Meanwhile the poor sod has lost his job, season ticket and has had his address given on twitter by daily mail reporters meaning he has received disgusting, unwarranted abuse. I hope he sues every single person involved.
  46. 10 points

    Welcome N’Golo Kante

  47. 10 points
    “Chelsea are less motivated” “no parade planned” “sarri can’t control the players” “kante is out will miss next season with a slight knock” Bollox and have some of that. Champions of Europe you’ll never sing that.
  48. 10 points


    That being the season we hovered above the relegation zone for half the year? He scored a couple of spawny free kicks early on that season that were probably intended as crosses and because collectively the entire team were sh*t that year Willian wins the award for being a bit less sh*t than everyone else rather than having an outstanding season.
  49. 10 points
    Pundits and commentators have been going on about the bin dippers only losing one game in the league this season but conveniently forgetting that City won more games. Throughout sport there have been many close finishes - I can think of many times when there have been very small gaps between winners and runners-up in Formula One - and so often people only remember winners and not the runners up. In years to come, how many will remember how close Liverpool came? Although, I suspect the ex-Liverpool players on Sky, BT Sport, the BBC and in several papers will like to remind us.
  50. 10 points
    Can’t give a sh*t what he said, guys a legend. Played through injury to win our only Champions League trophy. Captained us to a League title. Boasts a trophy cabinet bigger than 99% of clubs put together. Thanks for everything Gaz!

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