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Hung like a ukulele


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I know this is old, but it still makes me chuckle.

The sun

Hung like a ukulele


FRANK LAMPARD has revealed team-mate Claude Makelele’s biggest hidden asset is his tackle.

But the Chelsea midfielder doesn’t mean how Makelele gets stuck in, more what he has to tuck in his pants!

Mighty Maka is the latest star to join the ranks of football’s really big men.

Lampard jokes about the Big Boy of the Bridge in men’s mag FHM. He said: “Makelele is massive ? it’s big!

“Is he proud? Well, kind of. When we joke about it he just laughs, he doesn’t flash it around like I would. I’d be everywhere.â€

Makelele’s manhood has been likened to a ukulele, which measure between 18in and 24in ? depending on the weather!

Claude’s cosh has put him up there with the likes of Arsenal’s Patrick Vieira, Villa’s Dion Dublin and Wolves keeper Michael Oakes.

Robert Pires spilled the beans on a radio show that his Gunners captain Vieira was nicknamed the Giant Sausage.

Vieira is reputed to be more garlic sausage than chipolata and is in the same big league as Dublin and Oakes.

Alex Ferguson, Dublin’s boss when he was at Manchester United once said: “I’ve seen some whoppers but Dion’s is something else.â€

When Lampard was single, he was turned over by a girl he met on holiday who cashed in with a kiss and tell story.

She claimed Lamps was so fit, he had a backside that looked as if it was carved from marble and gave his performance eight out of 10 ? a match rating he would be happy to get in Super Goals.

NICE TACKLE ... arttist's impression of Make's ukulele (not to scale)

NICE TACKLE ... arttist's impression of Make's ukulele (not to scale)

Lamps added: “I didn’t think my backside was that nice ? and yes I got a bit of a ribbing from the lads.

“Eight out of 10, that wouldn’t be a bad day at the office. At least it wasn’t too embarrassing. I’ll settle for eight out of 10.

“If you get eight out of 10 in The Sun on a Monday morning you’re quite happy, so that’s not bad.â€

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Well, this is awkward!

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