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FA Cup Replays - a suggestion

Eton Blue at the Chelsea Megastore

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Dear Messrs Wenger and Roeder,

I see from the media that you believe that FA Cup Replays are an unnecessary hinderance. Apart from suggesting that you might try and win the games at the first time of passing, here's is a suggestion that you might like to persue with the FA.

Clubs are given the option, when they enter the competition, to decide if they are happy to play replays or not. If they are not they agree to the following terms:

  • The team you are drawn against get to select the venue at which the match is played.

The team you are drawn against get to keep the 'home' team share of the match revenues regardless of where the match is played.

If the game is drawn you lose - saving the need for a inconvenient replay

So, for example, if Arsenal (anti-replays) are drawn against Port Vale (pro-replays).

  • Port Vale get the choice whether to play the game at Cashburton Grove or Vale Park.

Port Vale get the 'home' team share of the revenues, even if the game is a Cashburton.

If the game ends in a draw Port Vale progress to the next round.

If two anti-replays teams are drawn together the game is played as drawn, with home team getting home revenues, and away team going through in the case of a draw.

I look forward to your opinions,


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My letter:

Mr Wenger,

In the past few years, your contribution and attitude to English football and the way it should be played has been unequalled. The Arsenal you inherited is now a more succesfull and accomplished worldly side especially after last years European cup final defeat. You have a multitude of opinions on the way football should be played, and how it shouldn't by your opponants. We do, however, remember the tactic's used by Blackburn this weekend were also employed by Arsenal to win the 2005 final on penalties, playing Manchester United, while under your management.

We at the FA have finally concluded that although you time in English football has been detrimental in the demolision of careers to Sidwell, Pennant, Bentley, Upson, all of which have left Arsenal to further their careers within the premiership, it was their fault for failing to speak French around the training grund. Although your acheivements have been somewhat eclipsed by the failure to include an Englishman in any of your recent squads, you contribution to the France 98 world cup victory were vital in their sucess.

With this taken into account the FA would like to remind you that you are the manager of an English team, playing in England and the interests of English football should be held closest to your heart.

The FA cup is the most historical, longest standing club competition in the world and to change the rules for a French fly by night who in 2005 orchestrated the most dire FA cup final would be a sin to every other club represented by the FA.

We would like to tell you to pick up your opioniated French arse and f**k OFF back across the channel, but as the FA is also run by your immediate empolyer and chairman Mr Dein, we will listen to your request very seriously.

With head up arse and listening for highest bidder......

yours sincerly,

the FA

(F*cking Arseholes)

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