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Jose's report to the board

Eton Blue at the Chelsea Megastore

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"Well Roman, me old mucker, 'ere we are again mate. Seeing as I got quite a few quid for that useless lazy b*stard Mata, I reckon our best course of action is to get rid of Oscar as well - he's got far too much flair for my liking so he's next out. And I've already made it clear that I don't rate Eden Hazard, all that dribbling with the ball and scoring sensational goals, as you know, that's not my style.

So, once we offload Willian too we'll have a cushty pile of dosh, which I'm planning on spending on proper players, players who are superb at passing sideways and backwards.

So, Roman, let's get the ball rolling, eh mate..."

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Well, this is awkward!

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Sure, let me in!