Bottoglio does it again

[Pauly]

Recent inflammatory claims have necessitated, once again, my presence to defend the defamed and famous Roberto Bottoglio from the insidious attacks of jealous Englishman Sir Loz Loosetackle AKA Mr. Shed End "loz".

I would like to sight only one factor for your concern, the amorous records of the two gentlemen which can be seen in clear juxtaposition here:

A rare photo of Bottoglio captured with one of his many conquests.

Scoring record:

Age: 35

Goals: lost count in the infamous summer of '04 when the Island of Sardegna was declared completely free of 18 year old virgins. (Leading g4 to reorganise his vacation plans)

Assists: Not much of a team player, declined an invitation from Brazilian star Ronaldo to be the meat in an intercontinental sandwich, thus again proving his prowess and able decision making capacity.

Now let's compare that, ladies and gentlemen, with this man's aggressor, a man so smelly he must wait outside his local fishmonger for fresh fish. Fed up with the injustice, he is photographed here taking matters into his own hands:

Loz stats:

Age: 67

Conquests:

The Hoover of Bristol: Backdoor Betty.

Assists: Plenty- makes the ladies run.

I rest my case.

 

[loz]

The defence offers, and requires only, a brief counter argument.

Picture 1 - Bottoglio at the latest Italian 'Ambassador's' ball

Picture 2 - Loz putting aside personal needs to show the world how to react in the face of great weather related adversity.

When you are 'holding out for a hero' it is Loz, and not some flat track bully Italian AMRClemoncellista, that the world can rely on.

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[BlueBeard]

I love all this stuff, reminds me of how the forum used to be - mental

 

[loz]

Steve,

In that case you will love the picture I had developed this afternoon. This was just after midlandblue asked Tim W how his daughter liked her eggs in the morning.

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[g3.7]

unusually I have little to offer.

however, for the moment, memories... memories:

james vaughan, I salute you.

p.s.

 

[Pauly]

I can explain I can explain..

For some reason Silvio B's usual 'entertainment' the Hoover of Bristol was backlogged with work that month

So a back-up plan had to be formed. "A nation so sure of its sexuality that it invented the alice-band for men, thought it would be a great ironic laugh to have its two most virile gentlemen perform a duet together." (Ministry of Information, Sept 2011.) Needless to say the crowd was very pleased.

"Good guy Loz" meanwhile, is seen here turning down a simple request from little Silvio Berlusconi.

Disgraceful.

 

[Pauly]

I do not wish to get side-tracked, but attacks on my character will not be stood for. Let us not forget that FM stopped being a good game after 2005 and reached its zenith with this:

When monster Mikael put 7 past g4's 433.

I will remove your time-line for reasons of privacy. But needless to say it was hilarious.

 

[g3.7]

that pic of loz on the phone is amazing! I assume you got it through a state of the art telescopic lens?

yes I've got my timeline saved... and I am not a choker. repeat, not a choker.

for anyone who looks at that 7-0 and thinks "g4 knows his football, how is it possible this could happen?" (and lets face it, you're all thinking that) let me say the following:

genetic engineering.

 

[blizeH]

Am I the only one who has absolutely no idea what any of the above means?

 

[Pauly]

State of the art telescopy Loz's thing, and your choking is a thing of legend.

(Mikael was GM'd like much of the chelsea squad, which I forgot about, but we all had equal opportunity when he shot to the top of the transfer list- it was the clever thinking of the Reggina manager that secured him!)

 

[loz]

Am I the only one who has absolutely no idea what any of the above means?

BlizeH,

It is a sad tale of teenage demise. Pauly (also known as Paul from Basingstoke), was once a regular Italian teenager. Striving to be a average driver, poor parker, and rejuvenating after a hard day at the office by indulging in sweet pastries, counting down the hours until his next bank holiday and ordering his wife servant to live out his life for him whilst he worked out how to do up shirts which have buttons on the wrong side.

Then, one fateful day, he agreed to eat his father's minestrone soup. Within the hour facial hair sprouted and his love of all things football was replaced by an anarchic desire to spread the word of the great Martin O’Neill to football pitches across the seaport of Trieste.

His first coaching role was with an under 12s team who now reminisce about a hairball scribbling furiously on a pad of A4 paper before throwing it to the ground, stamping on it and screaming something that sounded like ‘Garibaldi had lovely breeches.’ They finished the season with 0 wins, o draws and 7 defeats. 87 goals were conceded and only one scored. In fairness 6 of those conceded were offside.

He was then banished to France where he abandoned his quest to be the next bringer of Toto ‘Schillachi’ Football and took up the noble art of dishwashing. This he confused with his favourite film ‘The Karate Kid’ and was soon sacked after diners complained about wax on their rim and also about hair in the soup.

I know he then secured a place in a local child day care centre, encouraged by the laissez faire attitude of Parisians to the mental wellbeing of their offspring but then, just like that, he was gone.

Many years passed by with his whereabouts unknown (although Bluebeard did report a sighting of him in Grimsby offering free advice on mullets). This sudden emergence was as much a surprise to me as it was to his sister who always thought he was her son however we do know why he lost his job in the day care centre (see the advert below which I found on France’s most wanted).

I fear the coming weeks and months will witness more chilling revelations.

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[Pauly]

BlizeH do not be fooled.

My record as under 16 manager of my old school side shall not be forgotten by anyone. Least of all by the direction who received my fiery resignation after 10 games, for suggesting my boys be allowed a session with the first team coach to repair their shaterred confidence. Was it my fault mothers on the touchline objected to my wild celebrations? my karate kid style snapping of notepads and dismemberment of water-bottles? oh no. I say if a 15 year old can't run 10 kilometers with a tyre tied to him he is not fit to attend school. My modest request for a transfer budget of 28 notepads was denied and I was gone quicker than you can say "Garibaldi's lovely breeches!" Loz gives my famous 352 no credit (much like the players- but lets face it all of us must mature from the infancy of flying 442's at some stage): after winning our first game 7-0 that filthy first team coach who ruined my career licked his lips and stole half my players. They failed to perform for him and some received councelling for a sense of great loss. Much to my surprise I was left with the rodent, mal-evolved substitute bench whom I just told my 352 was too good for. It's basically the Paulo Ferreira story all over again.

The point of this story is that you can't trust loz- in our famous picture-post wars of '07-'08 this is how he finished:

"no"

 

[loz]

BlizeH do not be fooled.

My record as under 16

Don't let that claim fool you, he tried that one with the Italian courts as well.

 

[Pauly]

Worked for him:

 

[SydneyChelsea]

I do not wish to get side-tracked, but attacks on my character will not be stood for. Let us not forget that FM stopped being a good game after 2005 and reached its zenith with this:

When monster Mikael put 7 past g4's 433.

I will remove your time-line for reasons of privacy. But needless to say it was hilarious.

That bit about Roque Santa Cruz proves its authenticity.

 

[PloKoon13]

I notice you've left out the all-important possession stat, Pauly.

 

[dkw]

Worked for him:

Worked for him:

Are you saying it was you who invented "Bunga Bunga" parties?

 

[Pauly]

No- just that the SB defence is going to be Italy's version of the Chewbaka defence. Probably... only Italians who watch south park are going to understand that...

 

[dkw]

No- just that the SB defence is going to be Italy's version of the Chewbaka defence. Probably... only Italians who watch south park are going to understand that...

Love that episode.