Choose Liverpool. Choose the dole queue. Choose to scam disability benefit. Choose mind-numbing, grinding efficiency over flair. Choose Torben Piechnik, Istvan Kozma and Paul Stewart. Choose not to win a single league title since the backpass rule was implemented. Choose penalties. Choose car stereos, hubcaps and stanley knives. Choose to trade on your proud sense of tradition and then not lift a finger in protest when two American billionaires who don't even know the name of your club decide to buy it. Choose to win the European Cup whilst only having to play seven matches. Choose to bask in a perpetual, sickening, media love-in. Choose celebrities who **** off out of your city as soon as they have earned the money to do so and then spend the rest of their lives harping on about how wonderful it is. Choose to sing about Munich until confronted with your own tragedy. Choose to end it all in an orgy of self pity, just another excuse to perpetuate the grief culture spawned by your selfish, insular ******-up excuse for a city. Choose your future. Choose Scouse.
Absolute quality mate! ~ Here's one I found a few years back that I've used before ( I wish I could take the credit for it.. but alas) & t'is a bit out of date....
CHOOSE ARSENAL!
This is an oldie but goodie
CHOOSE ARSENAL. CHOOSE OVERBEARING ARROGANCE. CHOOSE SYSTEMATIC DIRTY
PLAY
AND CALL IT "COMPETITIVENESS". CHOOSE THE MOST STAGED, CONTRIVED,
UP-YOUR-OWN-ARSES GOAL CELEBRATIONS EVER WITNESSED. CHOOSE HAVING THE
UGLIEST MAN ON EARTH AS YOUR CENTRE-BACK AND THE SECOND UGLIEST AS YOUR
MANAGER. CHOOSE WINNING TWO CHAMPIONSHIPS IN ELEVEN SEASONS AND ACTING
LIKE
YOU'VE WON SEVEN IN NINE. CHOOSE DRAWING 99% OF YOUR FANBASE FROM THE
RANKS
OF THE SUBURBAN ENGLISH MIDDLE CLASSES. CHOOSE PATRICK VIEIRA WHINGING
ABOUT
HAVING TO PLAY TOO MUCH FOOTBALL EVEN THOUGH HE GETS TEN GAMES' REST
EVERY
SEASON DUE TO SUSPENSIONS. CHOOSE PAYING £9 MILLION FOR FRANCIS JEFFERS.
CHOOSE BEING "THE BANK OF ENGLAND CLUB". CHOOSE DENNIS BERGKAMP AND HIS
CAREFULLY-TIMED ELBOWS INTO THE SIDE OF THE HEAD. CHOOSE DELIBERATELY
DISRESPECTING AND BELITTLING THE OTHER TEAM BY PLAYING KEEPY-UPPY IN
THEIR
HALF WITH A FEW MINUTES TO GO. CHOOSE FORCING MERCHANDISE VENDORS OUT OF
BUSINESS BECAUSE THEY MIGHT DEPRIVE YOU OF A COUPLE OF HUNDRED QUID ON
MATCH
DAYS. CHOOSE FANCYING YOURSELVES AS BETTER THAN REAL MADRID, THEN HAVING
AUXERRE RUN RINGS AROUND YOU AT HOME. CHOOSE SOL CAMPBELL CONTINUALLY
TRIPPING OVER HIMSELF. CHOOSE TURNING THE SPORTS SECTION OF THE OBSERVER
INTO A GUNNERS FANZINE. CHOOSE GETTING AWAY WITH LIGHT OR DELAYED
PUNISHMENTS AT FA DISCIPLINARY HEARINGS BECAUSE YOU'VE HAD EVERY
POSSIBLE
STRING PULLED BY DAVID DEIN. CHOOSE A PERSECUTION COMPLEX NONETHELESS
AND
NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT IT. CHOOSE GAMESMANSHIP. CHOOSE EMBARRASSING
YOURSELVES
IN A RENAULT "VA-VA-VOOM" AD AND THEN DISGRACING YOURSELVES FURTHER AT
THE
WORLD CUP FINALS. CHOOSE DAVID SEAMAN AND HIS PUBLIC MID-LIFE CRISIS.
CHOOSE
WATCHING AN OPPONENT MISS A LAST-MINUTE PENALTY AGAINST YOU, THEN
RUNNING
AFTER HIM AND JEERING HIM. CHOOSE GEORGE GRAHAM GRINDING HIS WAY TO THE
DULLEST CHAMPIONSHIP WIN OF ALL TIME. CHOOSE STEPPING FORWARD IN A
FOUR-MAN
LINE WITH YOUR RIGHT HANDS ALL RAISED IN THE AIR, THEN SCREAMING ABUSE
AT
THE LINESMAN WHEN HE HAS THE AUDACITY TO KEEP HIS FLAG DOWN. CHOOSE TO
SEE
YOURSELVES AS ONE OF THE GIANTS OF CONTINENTAL FOOTBALL WHEN YOU'VE
NEVER
EVEN REACHED A EUROPEAN CUP SEMI-FINAL IN YOUR ENTIRE HISTORY. AND WONT
THIS
YEAR EITHER! CHOOSE PICKING RAY PARLOUR FOR OVER A DECADE. CHOOSE HAVING
THE
QUIETEST STADIUM IN THE WORLD ("THE LIBRARY") AS YOUR HOME GROUND, AND
THEN
HAVING THE CHEEK TO SL*G THE BLUES ABOUT THEIR FANS. CHOOSE HAVING NICK
HORNBY AS THE MOUTHPIECE OF YOUR SUPPORTERS. CHOOSE MAKING UMPTEEN LISTS
OF
REASONS WHY ARSENAL ARE SO GREAT, AND THEN ADMITTING YOU DIDN'T BOTHER
FOLLOWING THEM FOR A FEW YEARS IN THE 1980S WHEN THEY WERE GETTING SH!TE
RESULTS. CHOOSE TONY ADAMS COMING OUT WITH HIS USUAL DREARY "I AM A
RECOVERING ADDICT" SPIEL EVERY TIME A PREMIERSHIP FOOTBALLER BLOTS HIS
COPY-BOOK. CHOOSE PRETENDING THAT FIVE OR SIX YEARS OF PLAYING IN A
WATCHABLE FASHION MAKES UP FOR INFLICTING OVER A CENTURY OF
ULTRA-DEFENSIVE
DOGSH!T ON ENGLISH FOOTBALL WATCHERS. CHOOSE IGOR STEPANOVS, NELSON
VIVAS,
KANU, PASCAL CYGAN, DAVOR SUKER, GILLES GRIMANDI, DAVID GRONDIN, REMI
GARDE,
KABA DIAWARA, JUNICHI INAMOTO, JEREMIE ALIADIERE, OLEG LUZHNY, LUIS BOA
MORTE, RICHARD WRIGHT, STEFAN MALZ, CHRISTOPHER WREH, AND ALL THE OTHER
TURKEYS THAT NOBODY EVER MENTIONS WHEN CREAMING THEMSELVES ABOUT HOW
GREAT
WENGER IS IN THE TRANSFER MARKET. CHOOSE 58 RED CARDS IN SEVEN YEARS.
CHOOSE
LYING TO THE MEDIA THAT YOU DIDN'T SEE A SINGLE ONE OF THE INCIDENTS
THAT
CAUSED ALL THESE RED CARDS. CHOOSE BEING A BUNCH OF SMUG, SELF-REGARDING
W@/KERS WHO ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY TO BEING EVEN MORE UNPOPULAR THAN MAN
U IN
LESS THAN HALF THE TIME.
THEN CHOOSE ARSENAL.
