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Christmas cracker 'jokes'

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What do cats like for breakfast?

Mice crispies.

 
What do you rub on a Pig with a sore back?

Oinkment

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What do you give a sick Budgie?

Tweetment

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Whats Brown and Sticky?

A Stick

 
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What's gray and comes in pints? (answer later)

 
Dont say it in front of Dumbo's mum Moi -_-

What's only got one Foot?

 
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moi said:
What's gray and comes in pints? (answer later)
Click to expand...
elephant-penis.jpg


 
while we're on the subject of Elephants...how do you get four in a Mini ?.....

two in the back....two in the front

 
How do you get five deer in a mini?

Two in the front, two in the back and Bambi's mum in the ashtray.

 
loz said:
How do you get five deer in a mini?Two in the front, two in the back and Bambi's mum in the ashtray.
Click to expand...
I've been asleep in bed all day feeling really sick, been up an hour and thats the first thing thats made me show even a bit of emotion - brilliant! Thanks Loz -_-

 
there was 2 birds sitting on a pearch

one said to the other can you smell fish

What is Santa's favourite pizza

One that's deep pan, crisp and even.

 
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Two bars of chocolate are making love. Which one's the male?

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The one with the nuts.

 
Doctor, doctor can you cure my sleepwalking?

Try these

Are they sleeping pills?

No they're tin tacks, sprinkle them on the floor

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What do you call a woman with a sheep on her head?

Baa Baa Raa

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What do you call a woman with a screw-driver in one hand, a knife in the other, a pair of scissors between the toes of her left foot and a corkscrew beteen the toes of her other foot?

A Swiss Army wife

 
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what'd you call a bear with no ear?

B

 
What do you call a girl that stands between two posts?

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Annette

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What do you call an Irish girl who throws her Bills in the fire?

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Bernadette

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What do you call a girl with Tiles on her Head?

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Ruth (Roof)

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What do you call an Irishman who bounces off three walls?

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Rick O'shea

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wht do you call a pale Irishman who only comes up just above your Shin?

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Anemic (a Knee Mick)

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What do you call a deer with no Eyes?

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No Idea

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what do you call a fish with no eye?

Fsh

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

still no idea

 
What do you call a short sighted dinosaur?

A do-you-think-he-saw-us.

Why would you invite a mushroom to a Christmas party?

He's a fun guy to be with.

 
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What do you call people who are frightened of Santa?

Claustraphopic.

 
Two cannibals were feasting on a clown.

One said " Does this taste funny to you?"

 
What do transvestites do at Christmas?

Eat, drink and be Mary!

 
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