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One liners

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He is a self-made man who worships his creator.

 
In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.

 
Lady Astor to Winston Churchill: If I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee.

Churchill: If you were my wife I'd drink it.

 
I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.

 
I was married by a judge, I should have asked for a jury.

-- Groucho Marx

 
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree - Spike Milligan

 
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb (don't know who he is!)

 
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. - Groucho Marx

 
I bet I could stop you gambling.

 
I love defenceless animals, especially in a red wine sauce.

 
Support bacteria - they're the only culture Liverpool has.

 
I once had a large gay following but I managed to outrun him

 
I was in a bar the other night hopping from barstool to barstool trying to get lucky but there wasn't any gum under any of them

 
Another Churchill one:

Woman: You sir, are drunk.

SWC: Yes, but in the morning I'll be sober, and you'll still be ugly!

 
Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?

 
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