One liners

[geezer]

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back

 

[moi]

A banker is a person who lends you an umbrella when it's sunny and takes it back when the rain starts.

 

[geezer]

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving is definitely not for you

 

[moi]

Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence.

 

[geezer]

Remember you're unique just like everyone else

 

[Eggy McMuffin]

Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence.

That's not a one liner. :huh:

 

[moi]

Food has replaced sex in my life, so now I can't even get into my own pants.

 

[moi]

That's not a one liner. :huh:

Would you prefer it with a colon? That can be arranged!

 

[Eggy McMuffin]

Would you prefer it with a colon? That can be arranged!

A semicolon if you don't mind, please. :huh:

 

[moi]

Gladstone, a member of Parliament, to Benjamin Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."

"That depends, sir," said Disraeli, "On whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

 

[moi]

..... (insert name e.g. dickywuh, G4, eggy McM) has delusions of adequacy.

 

[geezer]

I used to think w**king was a town in China until I discovered Smirnoff

 

[moi]

"She has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

 

[moi]

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

 

[geezer]

There's no future in time travel

 

[moi]

There's nothing wrong with Steven Gerrard that reincarnation won't cure.

 

[geezer]

I thought ping pong was a smelly chinaman

 

[moi]

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

 

[geezer]

(Having been told off by a woman on the train "If you were a gentleman you'd give up your seat)

If you were a lady I would