One liners

[geezer]

One liners to describe the not so bright person..............

The wheel is spinning, but the hamster is dead.

Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.

A few clowns short of a circus.

A few fries short of a Happy Meal.

A few cans short of a six-pack.

Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt.

All foam, no beer.

As smart as bait.

Not the sharpest tool in the shed.

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

A room temperature IQ.

Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't anywhere in sight.

If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.

His belt doesn't go through all the loops.

 

[The Moos]

If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

I loved that one :lol:

 

[geezer]

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor

 

[Backbiter]

The funniest joke at this year's Edinburgh Festival Fringe has been revealed: "Hedgehogs. Why can't they just share the hedge?"

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/21/20090824/tuk-h...ge-6323e80.html

If that's the funniest one-liner, I'm quite glad I didn't go.

 

[moi]

Fighting for peace is like f**king for virginity.

 

[dkw]

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/21/20090824/tuk-h...ge-6323e80.htmlIf that's the funniest one-liner, I'm quite glad I didn't go.

i thought it was quite good. this is the full list of the top ten.

1 Dan Antolpolski – "Hedgehogs - why can't they just share the hedge?"

2 Paddy Lennox – "I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting.'

3 Sarah Millican – "I had my boobs measured and bought a new bra. Now I call them Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes because they're up where they belong."

4 Zoe Lyons – "I went on a girl's night out recently. The invitation said 'dress to kill.' I went as Rose West."

5 Jack Whitehall - "I'm sure wherever my dad is; he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending."

6 Adam Hills – "Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex. You know you're going to get it, but it's going to be rough."

7 Marcus Brigstocke – "To the people who've got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn't invent it!"

8 Rhod Gilbert – "A spa hotel? It's like a normal hotel, only in reception there's a picture of a pebble".

9 Dan Antopolski – "I've been reading the news about there being a civil war in Madagascar. Well, I've seen it six times and there isn't."

10 Simon Brodkin (as Lee Nelson) – "I started so many fights at my school - I had that attention-deficit disorder. So I didn't finish a lot of them."

like the zoe lyons one, and jack whitehalls.

 

[geezer]

i thought it was quite good. this is the full list of the top ten.1 Dan Antolpolski – "Hedgehogs - why can't they just share the hedge?"

2 Paddy Lennox – "I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting.'

3 Sarah Millican – "I had my boobs measured and bought a new bra. Now I call them Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes because they're up where they belong."

4 Zoe Lyons – "I went on a girl's night out recently. The invitation said 'dress to kill.' I went as Rose West."

5 Jack Whitehall - "I'm sure wherever my dad is; he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending."

6 Adam Hills – "Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex. You know you're going to get it, but it's going to be rough."

7 Marcus Brigstocke – "To the people who've got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn't invent it!"

8 Rhod Gilbert – "A spa hotel? It's like a normal hotel, only in reception there's a picture of a pebble".

9 Dan Antopolski – "I've been reading the news about there being a civil war in Madagascar. Well, I've seen it six times and there isn't."

10 Simon Brodkin (as Lee Nelson) – "I started so many fights at my school - I had that attention-deficit disorder. So I didn't finish a lot of them."

like the zoe lyons one, and jack whitehalls.

f**king hell it's true comedy is dead then?

 

[geezer]

Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?

 

[geezer]

Is a queer dinosaur known as a Megasorearse?

 

[moi]

Frankie Boyle:

Berlusconi's the kind of guy who, if you told him to go and f**k himself would probably give it a try.

 

[moi]

Bisexuality is an excellent way of doubling your chances of a date on Saturday night.

 

[The Moos]

Bisexuality is an excellent way of doubling your chances of a date on Saturday night.

But if your chances is zero, then doubling it wont do s*it :lol:

 

[ethicalstrategy]

f**king hell it's true comedy is dead then?

Ahh, but it's the way you tell 'em. It's a cracker...

 

[geezer]

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once

 

[Ruh Buh Juh]

2 Paddy Lennox – "I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting.'...................................................

8 Rhod Gilbert – "A spa hotel? It's like a normal hotel, only in reception there's a picture of a pebble".

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

 

[geezer]

I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it.

 

[geezer]

Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole

 

[geezer]

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

 

[geezer]

Apparently the Blue Whale ejaculates 625 gallons of sperm in one go - no wonder the sea tastes salty!!

 

[Eggy McMuffin]

Never get into a fight with a gay man, you never know where his fists have been.