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I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out

 
I tried sniffing coke once but I got an ice cube stuck up my nose

 
Geez if you believe in Honkus!

 
Heather Mills saves 50% on Immac. (Frankie Boyle on Mock the Week tonight).

 
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

 
Dyslexics of the world, untie

 
A dyslexic takes his god for a walk.

 
Nobody is perfect so I guess that makes you a nobody

 
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Here I am - what are your other two wishes?

 
Xerox and Wurlitzer have merged to produce reproductive organs.

 
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Some people are only alive because it's illegal to shoot them

 
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year (and 366 in a leap year) why are there locks on the doors?

 
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? (sorry, Val!)

 
Chastity is curable - if it's detected early!

 
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