One liners

[geezer]

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory

 

[geezer]

Air is not important unless you aren't getting any

 

[geezer]

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips

 

[geezer]

I just called the psychic hotline and said "guess who"?

 

[Eggy McMuffin]

Farmers do a lot of heroin, although proving it is a bit like...

 

[moi]

Farmers do a lot of heroin, although proving it is a bit like...

...yes?

 

[Eggy McMuffin]

...yes?

I thought you'd be able to work it out.

For those of you not able to, highlight this below.

Looking for a needle in a haystack. I thought it was simple enough.

 

[moi]

I thought you'd be able to work it out. For those of you not able to, highlight this below.

Looking for a needle in a haystack. I thought it was simple enough.

I'm having an off day! I thought I was a wit but I was only half right!

 

[moi]

Having sex is like playing bridge: if you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

 

[moi]

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

 

[moi]

Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it's gone.

 

[Backbiter]

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

 

[Backbiter]

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

 

[moi]

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".

 

[moi]

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

 

[mad_mac]

loved the needle in the haystack one, can't believe Moi missed that one!

Anyway, was driving past an indian reservation this week and saw their welcome sign that read:

You can't shake a hand with a clenched fist

Thought that was a good life lesson

Scott

 

[moi]

loved the needle in the haystack one, can't believe Moi missed that one!Scott

Yes, I must have been having a dense day.

Sadly, though, haystacks are a thing of the past. Many's the time as a child I had great fun in the stackyard on threshing day on my Uncle John's farm up in Caithness. All the cats and dogs on the farmer gathered there to catch the mice as they escaped from the gradually declining haystack, and I would carefully take the abandonned nests of baby mice and hide them in an other haystack.

But back on track:

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

​

 

[Ruh Buh Juh]

Did you know that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape?

 

[geezer]

Diplomacy is the art of saying good doggie while looking for a bigger stick.

 

[geezer]

The sex was so good that even the neighbours had a cigarette