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From CFC.net

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Real Madrid supremo Ramon Calderon announced today that the club was "very interested" in signing Jerusalem-based midfielder Jesus Christ and his father, tough defender The Lord God Almighty.

"Christ is a long-term target for Real Madrid" Calderon revealed to Marca, or whichever excuse for a journalistic knocking shop is printing his propaganda this week. "We like his attitude. He is the sort of player that we believe should feel thankful that he is being invited to kneel before the sacred throne of the Bernabeu, and we look forward to watching him warm the bench for a season before quietly being put out to the 'B' side."

Calderon also expressed his interest in veteran defender God, also known as Yahweh. It should be noted that Yahweh is the vengeful God of the Israelites, rather than the better-known and slightly fluffier Christian version, who plies his trade for Paris Saint-Germain.

"God is someone we have been watching for some time: almost 2000 years, in fact"? Calderon revealed to some other newspaper whose purpose appears simply to be printing, unedited, the garbage that periodically spews from his overfed jowls. "We liked the creative zest he brought to his early career, and we particularly noted the way he ground Sodom FC and Gomorrah United into dust during the Champions League of 145 BC. He's a solid defender who has, perhaps, lost some of his more ardent support in recent years. Bringing God to the Bernabeu will be a wonderful opportunity for him to win fans back."

PS... Pabs, if you're reading this... sorry amigo.

Contribution by Rob Hobson - 18 July 2007

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