loz Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Jimmy-Floyd Hasselbaink (2000-2004) Written by Liam in September 2007 Although born in Surinam, Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink is most often thought of as Dutch, a country not renowned for its sense of irony. His father Wilson worked as ground staff for KLM guiding aircraft to their parking bay while his mother Freda was a seamstress specialising in seat cushions. Jimmy, or Jerrel as he was known then as nobody could pronounce Jimmy, had an unremarkable childhood. Interestingly his childhood dream was to become traffic cop, a career to which he seems ideally suited as it would later transpire. His career started slowly in Holland, at one point finding himself released to non-league football, before a move to Portugal, and eventually Boavista, saw his fortunes improve. It was then that Jimmy discovered he had an ability to do the most difficult thing in football - score goals. His goal-scoring feats brought him to the attention of a number of British clubs which saw Jimmy sign for Dirty L**ds in an astonishing lapse of judgement. Despite playing for the most despised team in world football Jimmy still managed an obscene number of goals, becoming the Premiership's top scorer in his second season there. Sense finally returned to the Hasselbaink household and Jimmy took his leave of L**ds, moving to Spain and Atletico Madrid. A ridiculous number of goals followed with 32 in all competitions and 24 in 34 league games. Unfortunately the rest of the team was clearly rubbish as they were relegated. Only the truly insane would argue that Jimmy's goals in some way contributed to Madrid's downfall but luckily for him salvation beckoned in the shape of a £15m move to the mighty Chelsea. Stamford Bridge had proved a graveyard for other strikers, with the latest victim being the distinctly ordinary Chris Sutton, so Chelsea fans waited to see if Jimmy could produce. And could he f**k - scoring 23 league goals in his first season, topping the premiership list again, and forming a magnificent partnership with the Icelandic genius Eidur Gudjohnsen. Jimmy thrilled the Chelsea faithful with his power and directness, finding the bottom corner of the net with frightening accuracy. He also exuded personality on the pitch and was an unforgettable sight with his huge grin, even huger bulging eyes, and yet huger still backside. Jimmy went on to score 87 goals in 176 games including the perfect hatrick against Sp*rs, which every Chelsea fan (except one) agrees was the finest hatrick in the club's history. Jimmy's international career mirrored the fortunes of his adopted country, promising as it did so much, yet delivering practically nothing. Since leaving Chelsea Jimmy has probably retired and is no doubt back home in Surinam raising chickens, or something.
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