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Can someone tell me the exact in's & out's of a Chelsea transfer?

Eton Blue at the Chelsea Megastore

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Start too finish.. not jus agree fee, take medical agree wages and get papers cleared..

like what happens a board meeting then we ring ? fax ? selling club.. how is player notified and when? why do people fly to meet other boards when all they have to do is accept or reject a number. . what are the questions asked in players agreeing deal... what happens after the player agrees terms for it to take 3 days later to go throguh (16 days lukaku)

how soon could we sign a player (M*dric)haha ?

please can i have a reallly detalied description on this

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1.) Roman and a select handful 6 foot 7 guys wearing suits and shades accost the targeted player on the way to the grocery store, and inform them that if they continue to play for their current team, they'll pipe the musical stylings of Justin Bieber into their house 24 hours a day.

2.) The estranged father of the player is given a script stating how he will disown his son, if he doesn't fulfill his father's dream of the player stepping onto the Stamford Bridge turf, along with a bag containing $50,000, and 10 minutes of getting to steer Mr A's yacht (the small one).

3.) Abramovich steals a few oil drilling contracts from Russia, Chelsea offer large sum of money, receiving team reject.

4.) Chelsea hack into the fax machine of receiving club, accept slightly higher offer.

5.) Chelsea neglect to play the new player enough, ruin their career.

Source: The Lens-Ferguson Institute.

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