A proper Champions League game in store for us tonight then, not like that apology for a match just witnessed by the good folk of Gelsenkirchen and a worldwide, similarly duped, TV audience. Not that I watched it all, as a first half bearing all the hallmarks of a CL mismatch was enough for me to see the writing on Schalke’s paper-thin defensive wall long before it was breached. The uninitiated might have wondered how this kowtowing German team ever got to such a late stage in proceedings, but those of us well-versed in CL-speak would have instantly recognised the classic symptoms leading to deception - four semi-finalists housed in 60,000-plus stadiums, all perfect examples of Michel Platini’s model for ultimate success; periodic panning of camera to past champions in star-spangled Stand - oh, hang on a minute Schalke haven’t got any, so let’s keep going back Sir Bobby and hope nobody notices; ensure both coaches are distanced from the media and referee throughout the entire contest, unless, of course, it’s Sir Alex and he wants to have a few words with Sky viewers while the players suck their oranges.

Not that I’m bitter or anything, but I do like to see both teams making an effort at times like these, rather than have the game handed to the opposition on a plate, served with a side dish of lickspittle servitude. Be honest, United this season are nothing if not a workmanlike outfit and not even to put that attribute to the test at this stage of the competition was an indictment in itself. Rooney and Co didn’t have to break sweat at any sort of coalface and, whilst it could genuinely be described as the pits, the whole affair smacked more of a 9-till-5 stint at the Schalke Charity Shop than a tough night’s shift for those who, in a few weeks time, will hopefully get more grief from biting on a bit of Blackpool Premiership rock. So, roll on tonight is what I say, and a modicum of Mourinho venomous spit and polish from the Special One that will remind us of the old days.

Remember them? Glorious days, sometimes weeks, even months, spent in the glaring spotlight of British Media malevolence that was directed towards our boss as he single-handedly brought about the end of Anders Frisk’s illustrious career, one example amongst many heinous crimes wrought against humanity during his tenure at the Bridge. How those outraged hacks jeered him on, yet now their about-turn hypocrisy knows no bounds, as they pray en masse for his return to the UK and a much-heralded seat of infinite power at Old Trafford - budge-up God, the Real Deal is on his way! Jose appears to be warming to the task too, the latest press conference gem being a reference to ‘Alberto’, whose identity was confirmed with studied brilliance to be…

“Albert Einstein [who stated that] ‘the only motor force that is more powerful than steam, electricity and atomic energy is the human will’. And this bloke Albert is not stupid. With the right will you can do anything.â€

…even place the World’s Media in the palm of your hand and tickle it, apparently. Never so blind as those who simply don’t want to see, we can now expect the Brit pack of journos at least to jump in only one indulgent direction once the tie against Barca is over. Catalan success may burst the Jose adulation bubble in Spain, but it will spark frenzied speculation over here, especially if [when] Barcelona dispose of United at Wembley. Then again, Real going through is bound to burnish Jose’s reputation to such an extent he will positively glow alongside a Fergie nose that is forever primed for the mutual love-in a CL final between the two teams would generate. Either way, it’s a win-win situation for the Portugeezer, although that description in itself suggests an element of caution ought not go amiss amongst the Manc-motivated Media-men and here’s why….

Back in the real world, those that have had firsthand experience of Jose ’methodology’ know that nothing he says is delivered for the fun of it and if there is one thing that jumps out from his latest Espousal to the Convincians it is the word ’bloke’ - he couldn’t get more ‘geezer’ if he’d tried - and believe me he did on this occasion. The guy has systematically set out his stall for a return to the Premiership and quite frankly he doesn’t strike me as any more of an archetypal ‘eeh-oop north’ lad, about to thrive on Glazer-enforced austerity, than he ever was a believer in the sanctimony of Serie A football when he was at Inter.

The summation is therefore an easy one to make - if he triumphs over Barca, then goes on to defeat United, this Special One will be even more so, and in such circumstances Fergie would be bound to battle on against the ageing process anyway. However, the starker contrast emerges should he go to Wembley and suffer a defeat, thereby ending up playing second fiddle to the old boy. In that unconscionable instance, a subsequent ’please Sir, can I have your job?’ wouldn’t be the anticipated and somewhat begging bowl-ish response, would it? No, that simply is not going to happen, it’s not rocket science and, unless you’re media-myopic, you don’t need to be an Alberto to see it.

I may have savoured it a day late but that is what I call an entertaining read!

I am loving your work Dorset. You should post that up on a United forum and watch the response.

Edited April 28, 201113 yr by just

The summation is therefore an easy one to make - if he triumphs over Barca, then goes on to defeat United, this Special One will be even more so, and in such circumstances Fergie would be bound to battle on against the ageing process anyway. However, the starker contrast emerges should he go to Wembley and suffer a defeat, thereby ending up playing second fiddle to the old boy. In that unconscionable instance, a subsequent ’please Sir, can I have your job?’ wouldn’t be the anticipated and somewhat begging bowl-ish response, would it? No, that simply is not going to happen, it’s not rocket science and, unless you’re media-myopic, you don’t need to be an Alberto to see it.

Well,well, I believe the Special One will be denied the privelege of sipping a glass of red wine with Fergie at Wembley. That distinction is reserved for Guardiola. I bet Fergie is dreaming of being crowned King of European Football. I bet he has a plan to defeat Barcelona. He is well aware that Barca are all about possession football and the 5 players to accomplish it are Busquets, Xavi, Iniesta, Pique and Puyol. However, I expect him to ignore tactics and put on his horn rimmed spectacles, a camel haired coat, a Man Utd neck tie and deliver a team talk the lads will never forget. His next step will be to consult the UEFA, complain about ref intimidation, diving, and demand a ref who ignores dangerous tackles. But it will be to no avail and will backfire on him.

So my question is - will Fergie be willing to sip a glass of red wine with Guardiola and congratulate him on his monumental victory?

Great read (again) Dorset ! Thought provoking stuff that I'm going away to think about lol !