Anyone seen this Steven-Gerrahhhrd guy? Don’t know much about him myself, but he was getting rave reviews on Sky’s The Last Word after his performance for those Europa League giants Liverpool in their match against Sunderland. The show highlighted the players who influenced games over the weekend and this chap’s double-barrelled name is obviously one to remember because Andy Gray mentioned it on the program no less than fifteen times in the space of five minutes! He’s got to be right up there alongside the likes of Torres and Kuyt, even though he didn’t score, but that’s no surprise really, I suppose, as he was up against top class Premiership opposition in the Geordies and seemingly shone out like a beacon of joyous light on the proceedings. I can only assume, from Andy’s unbridled enthusiasm, that he must have played a blinder, especially when you think that Chelsea’s demolition of Villa also featured in his post match(s) analysis and Frank was merely mentioned in passing, despite netting four goals against what was, admittedly, a pretty poor side with not much to play for this season other than a Champions League place.

Anyway, back to this Steven-Gerrahhhrd character - anyone know his first name? Albeit after a brief glimpse, I'd say he looks a bit of a Dermot, or a Wally, but in the end I was left in the dark along with the rest of the viewers. You’d think that someone as professional as Andy obviously is would have given his audience a complete update on the newcomer, wouldn’t you? Okay, everybody knows that Torres is called Fernando and Kuyt, a tad unfortunately, is called Dick, but when you’ve got someone arriving on the scene who has a certain something that transcends the art of midfield goal scoring - yes, even twenty of them, each season, regularly - and moves on to a level that is, to go by Andy’s reverential tone, almost inspirational in its effect on a team, then surely you should be entitled to know his Christian name?!

Let’s take this a stage further shall we, for Andy‘s sake at least, and point out that there is another player in the Liverpool ranks at this very moment, who is admittedly playing like a spare part, but who is actually known by the full birth certificate name of Steven Gerrard. Remarkable coincidence it may be, but confusing it most definitely is and why on earth this confusion is not cleared up by calling them both by their full names, well, I simply do not know. It isn’t rocket science, it’s Torres this, it’s Kuyt that, it’s Carragher the other - a simple process of calling every player by their surname - so why not avoid the problem that is bound to arise sooner or later and go with Mascherano this, Gerrard that and Wally Steven-Gerrahhhrd the other, should that happen to be his proper first name.

Fair enough, you would break with a lifetime’s tradition of not using someone’s Christian name repeatedly in commentary, whether it be co or otherwise, but it would sort out a fast-approaching problem (when they all appear in the same midfield together) and, let’s face it, I’m sure that the vast majority of viewers would be prepared to put up with the sheer bloody irritation of singling out one person for preferential treatment to the point of sycophancy, if it meant that we got a degree of clarity as a result. On second thoughts, as this Steven-Gerrahhhrd fellah is so obviously a special needs case in the making, why not go the whole hog now - call him King or Saint, and be done with it.

So, forget old king Gerrard, even though he was never dead in the adoring eye of Andy Gray, and long live Saint Steven-Gerrahhhrd! Can’t wait to see him play in the World Cup, although maybe I’m getting a little ahead of myself here, as Sky don’t have the rights to the event, Andy Gray wont be going and, perhaps almost as a direct consequence, Steven-Gerrahhhrd is therefore a doubt as far as selection, or nauseating repetition, is concerned.

he must have the longest nam in football. Good post.

i turned Gray off before i vomited, and i was close. He had his tongue so far up the saint stevie`s arse it was sickening.

Oh you guys didnt get the memo?

Frank didnt play on sat, it was Gerrard wearing a Lampard shirt and mask.

So please, enough about this Lampard dime a dozen midfielder, lets keep chatting about that bloke Andy was talking about.....I bet he's shattering goal scoring records, like 100 goals in the EPL as a midfielder!