Not so long ago I watched a film called the "The Magnificent Two, in which Eric Morecambe plays a toy salesman who is mistaken for a rebel leader, the rebel leader in question having been killed while travelling on the same train as Eric and Ern in a small country in South America. And the name of that rebel leader:

Fernando Torres.

I kid you not.

And so I ask myself could there be a clue here? Could a film from 1967 possibly provide a facsimile of an explanation for the drastic loss of form of our own Fernando Torres? If not actually deceased then could it be that the real Fernando Torres, Spanish international and formerly of Atletico Madrid and another team, the name of which escapes me – you’ll have to excuse my poor grasp of ancient history here - in the North West of England has been replaced by an imposter, whether by choice, by accident or as a result of deeds most foul?

Could it be that the person purporting to be Chelsea’s number nine is, if not a toy salesman, then a lower league footballer perhaps.

If this is indeed the case and if the real Fernando Torres is out there somewhere, in hiding perhaps – for reasons known only to himself, then I would urge him to make a return from exile and to usurp this imposter, to make himself known to us, to show us all exactly why the club were prepared to pay such an enormous fee for the player in the first place

Sadly I fear it may already be too late, that we may already have seen the last of the real Fernando Torres.

Hilarious!

Will the real Torres ever emerge from F/Hernando's Hideaway?

:-) 'Would the real Slim Shady please stand up, please stand up'

But the question is: Will it blend?

Not so long ago I watched a film called the "The Magnificent Two, in which Eric Morecambe plays a toy salesman who is mistaken for a rebel leader, the rebel leader in question having been killed while travelling on the same train as Eric and Ern in a small country in South America. And the name of that rebel leader:

Fernando Torres.

I kid you not.

And so I ask myself could there be a clue here? Could a film from 1967 possibly provide a facsimile of an explanation for the drastic loss of form of our own Fernando Torres? If not actually deceased then could it be that the real Fernando Torres, Spanish international and formerly of Atletico Madrid and another team, the name of which escapes me – you’ll have to excuse my poor grasp of ancient history here - in the North West of England has been replaced by an imposter, whether by choice, by accident or as a result of deeds most foul?

Could it be that the person purporting to be Chelsea’s number nine is, if not a toy salesman, then a lower league footballer perhaps.

If this is indeed the case and if the real Fernando Torres is out there somewhere, in hiding perhaps – for reasons known only to himself, then I would urge him to make a return from exile and to usurp this imposter, to make himself known to us, to show us all exactly why the club were prepared to pay such an enormous fee for the player in the first place

Sadly I fear it may already be too late, that we may already have seen the last of the real Fernando Torres.

Our Torres would have missed the train!