Socrates

Jose: What happened to the midfielder I asked for? Michael Emanalo: Damn. I knew there was something I had to do today. Jose: You're fired.

Still time left for another totally random bid. To think we have to wait till January for more classic comedy from the CFC Boardroom. It's like having Basil Fawlty in charge of our transfer dealings.

Why would we make a bid for Marquinos when we just signed Michael Hector from Reading?

He can also play DM: ‘He made his Aldershot debut in central midfield in the FA Cup second round tie against Fleetwood Town on 1 December.’ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Hector

Havant and Waterlooville never worked out for him. Must have been the cultural difference.

Wonder what other surprises the Board have in store for us in the next few hours. This is better than watching football.

Someone ought to explain to Michael Emenalo that FFP is dead and we don't have to do these kind of deals anymore.

That’ll teach Sky Sports not to have any reporters at Stamford Bridge.

Telegraph reporting he's gone straight back to Reading on loan. I think Emenalo is trying to look like he's doing something. Anything.

Have we loaned Hector back to Reading already? This is getting weird.

Presumably Steve Clarke has recommended him?

Michael Emenalo: You wanted a defender, boss. I got you two. Jose: You're fired.

Well he'd better hurry up then.

Not sure strengthening our direct rivals in mid-table is a really good idea.

Don't know what people are complaining about. Papy Billabodgioddjob can play centre back and defensive midfield. So we don't need no bloody John Stones or Paul Pogba. And we only spent three million pounds on him. That's what Roman spends on caviar in a year. The club know what they're doing. Next year we will be buying three superstars. At least three. And for less than what Roman spends on shoes in a year.

I didn't know Papy could play DM as well. That kills two birds with one stone. Who needs John Stones and Pogba when you can have one Papy Djilobodgi? The kid just saved us 150 million pounds. Great business by the club.

On the bright side, we seem to have found a replacement for Eva Carneiro: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-3216888/Is-Eva-Carneiro-s-replacement-Spartak-Moscow-medic-Viktoryia-Gameeva-sparks-rumours-picture-Chelsea-shirt.html

The sly bar stewards got one over on us. I thought it was 2.5m euros. Must've been Michael Emanalo doing the negotiations.

It's high time small clubs like Nantes resisted the financial clout of these English bully boys and made a stand against this poaching of their best players. I'm with Nantes in their fight against the way football is being ruined by clubs like us. Fight to keep Papy Jellybabybodgeup at Nantes if you really care about football.

Not sure Zouma is in the same class as Stones and Laporte. He'll get a fair bit of game time this season I reckon so we'll have to see how consistent he is.

He's Bobby to me.

I don't know. Having two long-term world class centre-backs on our books wouldn't be so bad, would it?

Martinez threatened to quit if Everton sold Stones. If I was Jose I would threaten to quit if after four months the Board presented me with some third-rate defender from Nantes. That's just taking the piss.

Cheer up, people. He might still fail his medical.

Well done, Michael Emenalo. All Summer long he created a smokescreen that we were after John Stones, some kid from Everton no-one had ever heard of. Turns out his true target all along was Papy Jellybodgejob. Well we finally got him with a day to spare. And no one had a bloody clue we were after him. Let no one say Michael Emenalo doesn't know what he's doing. Genius!