PloKoon13

Our centre-forward had a shot! Is that allowed?

One of those helicopter hats?

Nah, just projecting I'm sure

You've just described Eghbali's relationship with his penis

Why did we wait so long to make those subs?

Don't know if it's just that my expectations are now zero, but I was actually impressed by that little move from Gusto.

Is Gusto injured? Don't think I've seen him break out of a jog tonight. Would be taking off Lavia for one of the ball-winners and Gusto for Acheampong at this point.

Great craic from Mitoma, fitting that it was Neto he mugged off to get the shot away

Worst move from Minty since he shagged Heather Trott

Oh man, some awful clearances in this game. Had been such an improvement on the first half as well (although that was hardly a high bar to clear).

Get Bobby Sánchez some glasses, he seems to be consistently mistaking Neto for Ivanović

Not sure what the alternative was really given the other attacking subs we have available are Guiu and an 18-year-old with half an hour's senior experience (all against lower league sides in games we were already winning).

Chalobah had a blocked shot when we got that one corner, I assume it's that.

The worst part of all this is that I can't even make a sex joke because they all sound homophobic

Step aside Claudio vs Monaco, we have a new 'worst tactical 45 minutes ever from a Chelsea manager'. It's a miracle we're only 1-0 down. That was appalling, there genuinely wasn't a single positive. If there aren't wholesale changes at half-time Rosenior should be out of a job by 10pm.

Hinshelwood is the boring Nico O'Reilly

Two more touches in the box (both from centre-backs)! I'm fairly sure our other one up until that point was Delap taking a touch so bad he ended the move by raking his studs down the back of Boscagli's leg.

It's stunning that Rosenior hasn't changed anything. We went from dominating the Man Utd game and being let down by a hilarious lack of quality from our attacking players (and actually only conceding when one of our centre-backs was off the pitch) to a different system through which we aren't getting a kick against Brighton. Utter tactical ineptitude. This must be his last game as Chelsea manager.

I've seen enough, change the formation. This is an utter fiasco. We can't keep possession even within our own half, and we can't stop them whatsoever when they're on the ball. Nobody knows what they're supposed to be doing. Total managerial failure.

Lavia doesn't really serve a purpose in a side which currently has something like 30% possession.

Has Caicedo injured himself fouling one of their midfielders? Because nobody understands what they're supposed to be doing so are pressing almost at random? You know Chelsea are in trouble when Sánchez is the most competent-looking guy in the XI.

He's on a scouting mission.

We're sort of a 4-4-2 out of possession. Cucurella pushes up, Neto stays wide right and Fernández presses high with Delap. For f**k's sake, 1-0 already, dreadful clearance from Hato but unfortunate with the deflection. Lady Luck has nipped to the shop for a pack of fags

We should probably hire him before he gets beheaded: https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/apr/21/eddie-howe-newcastle-pif-owners-meeting-anthony-gordon

BREAKING: BlueCo sack Stewart and Winstanley. Eghbali said it is "unforgivable" and "staggering" that he had not been informed that Garnacho had failed to pass a scouting report for the role of Chelsea forward. The Chelsea director said he was "absolutely furious" that the sporting directors had overruled the recommendation from specialists in the Chelsea scouting team.