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Norro Lorro Sense From Lawro


Dorset

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Unbridled dislike of Chelsea, as seen on an in-law’s television set, led to my vow never to pay for Setanta or watch it again, yet that well founded intransigence still causes me annoyance and did so again yesterday. Thereby forced to listen to BBC 5 Live coverage of England‘s friendly, I was treated to ninety minutes of surrealism from Mark Lawrenson and Alan Green and I now fully understand Lofty’s repeated homicidal reaction to this excuse for a radio sports service. Put bluntly, and later confirmed by watching the highlights on ITV in the evening, Lawro and Green started the game with an agenda, much like a vicar starts a sermon from his pulpit, and preached it regardless of the evidence that was in front of them and not in front of their congregation. The assumption made by them is that their audience consists almost totally of Stevie G evangelists, they are therefore preaching to the converted, and the rest of us can go to hell. Here’s a sample of the text for the day for those wise enough not to have gone to this particular footballing church for spiritual guidance…

In the beginning there was a reading from Mark, chapter 5, (did you know that it came to pass they’ve won it so many times?) and he said “It isn’t because he plays for Liverpool, but I feel a little bit sorry for Steven Gerrard when he plays for Englandâ€- the gist of this introductory remark was then revealed to be Capello’s refusal to play our(?) hero in his best position, which is, always has been, and will forever more be, just behind a central striker, as he now does for his club side. Being undoubtedly “the best midfield player in the worldâ€, slight positional discrepancy aside, there was even an argument for “building the team around Gerrardâ€, so well is he performing at the moment, as he is now, and will forever be. Amen.

It was then left for the game to start and for Alan Green to sing from the same hymn sheet, which he did with gusto, bordering on the blusto, as soon as it became obvious that St Stevie was starting on the left and only occasionally moving amongst his flock in the way that only He can. Green’s theme was soon evident - any link between the Almighty and his disciple Rooney was praised to high heaven. Then, lo, a goal soon came to pass [or arrived from a couple of decent passes to be precise] and the prayers of thanks [to both Scousers] could begin in earnest. It was to last, not for an eternity, but only until halftime when the Saviour was, Green so cosily observed, “put in cotton wool†until the next resurrection was required on Wednesday. And on that day He shalt do it all over again.

Beckham’s arrival, false god and craven image that he is now, warranted a mention, but, in the absence of the true messiah, Green only had eyes for the crazy scouse disciple, until the lack of a second goal led to a growing loss of interest in the game as a whole, as evidenced in his commentary. Thereafter Rooney’s header from Beckham’s cross catapulted him into MotM pole position and Frank’s goal came and went with the minimal amount of fuss or comment. The fact that it was the 500th England goal scored at Wembley either escaped the attention of these so called experts or they deliberately blanked it because of the identity of the scorer. We have to assume that, had Steven Gerrard performed the feat, the celebrations in the 5 Live studio would still be going on now, otherwise the alternative has to be acceptance of the fact that the coverage is woefully biased in favour of certain individuals on the pitch by certain individuals off it.

For committed myopic misleaders such as Lawrensen and Green there is no substitute for the truth as they see it and you simply have to see it their way until later highlights prove differently. The perspective of the listener is distorted by the talking over of those elements of the game they don’t wish to convey and the talking up of those elements they do. I can’t remember whether it was when Frank slotted home or laid on the pass for Rooney’s second, but Lawro was asked for his view on the Lampard’s overall performance. He hesitated, then flippantly remarked “Poorâ€, pausing in the incredulous dead air before adding “….only joking†to the chuckles of his colleagues. Later, as the highlights on ITV showed only too well, the Lawrensen game was up, exposed as a sham and a complete waste of time for anybody who was not at the game or in front of the telly, but who simply wanted to know what was going on. Is it too much to ask of these people to do their job properly?

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it was almost as bad in the highlights last night. gerrard shoots, tyldesly ( i think it was him on itv) screams like its the best thing ever, in the history of everything. ever. lamps scores and he barely even raised his voice.

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It seems I can understand your frustration on this matter, I can understand you, the same feeling for me, as a Russian representative, is when I have to watch how the "Referee" is doing his job to kill off some Russian side.

By the way it`s one more positive fact in Hiddink`s appointment and one of the reasons why our results has improved. Some referees, newbies or those who are lacking expirience, don`t have enough balls to make harsh decisions against Russia blatantly when Hiddink is on the bench, although there are few like L.Mikhel (was the most overrated ref in the world I think), who are just doing their job.

And I have nothing to do with it, except give up watching football totally, when you could just turn the sound off and enjoy Lamps` perfomance.

So it`s not that bad for you..... :D

P.S. Though, hopefully, in the last few years situation with referees has improved world-wide, maybe a bit, but improved.

Edited by sergeyMS
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With all due respect to you Brits, you simply don't know what biased, moronic and unintelligent commentary is until you learn my language and start watching a game of football with Bulgarian commentary.

Lawrenson, Gray and co are so far ahead of our guys you wouldn't believe it.

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it was almost as bad in the highlights last night. gerrard shoots, tyldesly ( i think it was him on itv) screams like its the best thing ever, in the history of everything. ever. lamps scores and he barely even raised his voice.

Agreed, dkw, but what we’ve got with 5 Live, and with these two in particular, are endless examples of both selective and misinformation, whereas with Tyldesley you can at least see the evidence of bias for yourself. Radio sports commentator, game on, tell us about it - it isn’t exactly rocket science and yet they will insist on leading us up the garden path to listen to their own fairy stories. Quite honestly, you have to wonder what actually happens to the guy who says ‘fact me’ to Alan Green. On second thoughts, don’t, it doesn’t bear thinking about.

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Agreed, dkw, but what we’ve got with 5 Live, and with these two in particular, are endless examples of both selective and misinformation, whereas with Tyldesley you can at least see the evidence of bias for yourself. Radio sports commentator, game on, tell us about it - it isn’t exactly rocket science and yet they will insist on leading us up the garden path to listen to their own fairy stories. Quite honestly, you have to wonder what actually happens to the guy who says ‘fact me’ to Alan Green. On second thoughts, don’t, it doesn’t bear thinking about.

bang on dorset. the best radio commentators are the ones who just relay yu the game as it happens. then we have morons like green who use the opportunity to put over his opinions. if i wanted his opinion i would listen to an opinion programme, i just want the game.

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bang on dorset. the best radio commentators are the ones who just relay yu the game as it happens. then we have morons like green who use the opportunity to put over his opinions. if i wanted his opinion i would listen to an opinion programme, i just want the game.

Can't stand Green since he justified the England supporters booing Lampard and calling him big fat Frank at Chelsea games as a bit of fun in the Sol Campbell/Spurs fans debate from last season.

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Can't stand Green since he justified the England supporters booing Lampard and calling him big fat Frank at Chelsea games as a bit of fun in the Sol Campbell/Spurs fans debate from last season.

did he really? what a horrible, obnoxiuos piece of excrement he is. would he find us singing about gerrards wife and her love of `pancakes' or him going to jail to be bubbas bitch also funny? somehow i doubt it, ive a feeling he would say it was disguting.

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