Good to see that the old traditions survive in the modern era, isn’t it? There is none more ancient, even in a relatively young Premier League, than the Great Northern Rollover, a season-long ceremony that has been religiously observed at Old Trafford ever since a certain knight arrived, got his feet under the table, and thereafter surrounded himself with a division full of disciples in similar, albeit forever lowlier, high places. Naturally, I refer to ’ceremony’ and ’religion’ advisedly because of the mysterious way in which the GNR has moved over the years, no matter the fixture date or the particular northern [team/manager] sect that is worshipping at the time, but, whether you are a believer in charitable institutions or not, you have to appreciate the spectacle when it unfolds in all its glory…

Saturday’s gathering was typical of many, in so far as it occurred during the run-up to a certain festive occasion, thereby falling into the Alexmas Dingle category, where the away [side] wants to be seen dangling, not in a manger, but in a parlous state and therefore somehow forced unwillingly to bear gifts down Sir Matt Busby Way and on into the very cradle of football itself. In the main, this ritual takes the symbolic form of the away team in question carrying a big box labelled ‘Three Points’ shoulder-high which is offered up in a variety of ways, dependent upon how the donor wishes the handover to be perceived, but the eventual outcome must always be the same - ninety minutes of football culminating in a United victory.

The preamble to the main event, for instance, can vary to suit taste and around this time last season northerner Mick McCarthy, a convert from Wolverhampton, chose to incur the wrath of the FA by allowing his first-teamers to watch this service from the pews, as opposed to performing in it, thereby disrespecting the GNR general principle of giving anonymously, yet respectfully, whenever possible - you wouldn’t believe the trouble he got into as a [poor] result! Blackburn Rovers, on the other hand, chose a much more acceptable gift approach, with Big Sam preferring the pre-match solemnity announcement of no less than four hamstring tests on Pedersen, Emerton, Nzonzi and Mwaruwari respectively. This high level of twang would be regarded as tweak-freakery in normal circumstances, yet in GNR land it is both common practice and deigned to show just the correct amount of reverence - take note, Mick, for next time. Oh, hang on a minute, you have already performed, going down in a reverential 2-1 defeat in the delayed Harvest Festival contest back in early November, when Fergie ‘safely gathered in’ without contentious debate.

Not so in the case of Wigan last week, however, when Roberto Martinez actually had the nerve to try and hold on to the present for far too long, eventually having to have the 3 points wrenched from his grasp, wrapped up and delivered courtesy of Martin Atkinson’s two sendings off - that’ll teach him to show some respect in church next time, even if it will then, all too suspiciously, resemble the other Wigan bend-over-backward contributions that have been going on since their novice days of 2005/6. Fair play to Martinez, though, he clearly didn’t learn the GNR rules religiously, unlike a fully-fledged [northern coach in charge of northern team] member like Big Sam, who always knows his place whether it be at Rovers, Newcastle or Bolton - behind the 7/8-ball hammering and being the archetypal GNR gift-giver - one that keeps on giving.

That said, even Allardyce at his bluffest can go way overboard on generosity when in GNR mode and Saturday turned out to be one of those occasions when everybody should really have shouted in rebuke and in a booming voice “Large ‘pie and chips’ cartoon-character-of-a-man overboard!!!†because here was big ship in mock distress if ever I saw one and when little Dimi Berbatov is also gifted the freedom of Manchester, plus a five-goal haul, you kind of know that enough is enough. Let’s face it, the very last thing the GNR wants is for the public to realise the game is up in any other way than for grabs, but such outrageous largesse, however needy the Bulgarian’s case, does tend to cast doubt on, if not blow the bloody doors off, credulity.

So, in conclusion, here are a few notable GNR surreptitious supporting facts for you all to mull over. In the last decade, discounting the rather obvious archenemy and non-contributory attitude of the Scousers, Citeh and a glut of Southern Softies, a mere trio of northern teams have failed to place presents at the Old Trafford altar:-

1) Blackburn Rovers (05/06), then managed by a natural non-contributor named Mark Hughes.

2) Boro (03/04 and 01/02) when Steve McClaren was in charge and [clearly] in veritable need himself.

3)Bolton (02/03 and 01/02) when Big Sam, having taken his then team into the Premiership, fought off relegation issues in consecutive seasons. It was a close-run thing in his first year, finishing only four points above the drop zone, but 02/03 proved to be even more of a nail-biter, as Bolton’s single goal success at the Theatre of Dreams [in one of United’s title-winning seasons] helped keep them up by a two-point margin. He’s never got that needy since, but you never know what this season brings. The reciprocal fixture is at Ewood Park in the penultimate game of the season and, if it matters either way, it will be interesting to see if there is a whole lot of tweakin’ going on.

Edited November 29, 201015 yr by Dorset

Allardyce loves Man United so he was always going to roll over for them.

Was it the Wigan owner who once said he wouldnt be unhappy to see the great Man Utd beat his team?

Allardyce loves Man United so he was always going to roll over for them.

You have a short memory, my friend. Last season, the last points ManU dropped were against Blackburn, and that led to Chelsea pipping ManU for the title.

So, at least that one time, Big Sam was not a rollover for ManU.

Does this mean that every time we have put 6 or 7 past whoever it is because they have just "rolled over"?

I despair sometimes