Player Ratings v Leverkusen

[Liam]

I thought Ballack was dead by the way. Here are some ratings:

Cech - 7 - Good concentration levels but the occasional dodgy distribution.

Cole - 6 - Who would have thought when he first came that he would end up as one of our few proper footallers?

Luiz - 7 - I just love this man. Please let him play every game, mistakes and all. He is the freshest breath of air to blow through Stamford Bridge since Robben and Duff were on fire.

Malouda - 4 - According to Sky their goal was disallowed because someone jumped on Malouda. I'd like to jump on Malouda.

Mikel - 6 - The footballing equivalent of a semi-colon.

Meireles - 5 - He's better than that.

Mata - 7 - Clever, clever footballer. Came alive at the end.

Torres - 6 - Things you can buy with 50 million quid: 83,333,333 Moro bars, 41,666 ounces of hashish, 416 Bugatti Veyrons, 1,111,111 blow jobs, Fernando Torres.

Gets an extra point for the still faintly amusing fact that he looks like a girl.

Sturridge - 8 Mikel of the Match - Hungry, exciting, direct, clever. Looks like our best striker on present form. Hopefully taken off to preserve him for Sunday.

Anelka - 7 - Our little French fancy. Why don't we love him more? Has the ability to slow down time, an ability given to very few.

Villas Boas - 7 - Liked his selection tonight although I would worry about all that carefully trimmed facial hair. There must be a suit that fits him.

[mad_mac]

You forgot the man with the big arse

[Nibs]

I thought Ballack was dead by the way. Here are some ratings:

Cech - 7 - Good concentration levels but the occasional dodgy distribution.

Cole - 6 - Who would have thought when he first came that he would end up as one of our few proper footallers?

Luiz - 7 - I just love this man. Please let him play every game, mistakes and all. He is the freshest breath of air to blow through Stamford Bridge since Robben and Duff were on fire.

Malouda - 4 - According to Sky their goal was disallowed because someone jumped on Malouda. I'd like to jump on Malouda.

Mikel - 6 - The footballing equivalent of a semi-colon.

Meireles - 5 - He's better than that.

Mata - 7 - Clever, clever footballer. Came alive at the end.

Torres - 6 - Things you can buy with 50 million quid: 83,333,333 Moro bars, 41,666 ounces of hashish, 416 Bugatti Veyrons, 1,111,111 blow jobs, Fernando Torres.

Gets an extra point for the still faintly amusing fact that he looks like a girl.

Sturridge - 8 Mikel of the Match - Hungry, exciting, direct, clever. Looks like our best striker on present form. Hopefully taken off to preserve him for Sunday.

Anelka - 7 - Our little French fancy. Why don't we love him more? Has the ability to slow down time, an ability given to very few.

Villas Boas - 7 - Liked his selection tonight although I would worry about all that carefully trimmed facial hair. There must be a suit that fits him.

Very accurate assessment other than the omission of Ivan who probably warrants between a 6 & 7 and Bosingwa a 6.

Malouda was atrocious and must be wondering how he got to stay on the pitch for 90 minutes playing that badly.

Though Lamps helped settle things down when he came on and used his experience well. Sturridge MOTM for me too. Lost possession a few times but looked lively throughout.

And Luiz. About 10-15 minutes before he scored I was saying to my brother how we looked to have put the shackles on him. When he first came, he was like a breath of fresh air, whereas last night he looked subdued and following instructions not go too far up the pitch. TThen he did what he did and THAT is what he is all about. As you say, we'll over look the mistakes and the odd reckless challenge when he can inspire the team like that. So refreshing.

[loz]

That was a shocking ball by Mikel however it is practically impossible to pick a player in any game and not find one bad mistake. It is just that when it is a defensive player and it makes you go into chocolate air biscuit mode you tend to remember it more. A fine example is the praise Torres is getting for his two assists whilst being called unlucky for not getting a goal. In all honesty he should have got a goal with or without luck as a player of his calibre shouldn't need luck for some of those chances. They were mistakes just as much as Mikel's pass was a mistake.

[Liam]

You forgot the man with the big arse

I just couldn't think of anything to say other than to praise, yet again, the magnificence of his buttocks.

Did anyone see Sky's montage of Villas Boas jumping around on the sideline? I can picture him out shopping on a Saturday afternoon, running for the bus with his arms flailing at his sides like a big girl.