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BBC coverage - a Lawro unto itself


Dorset

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The start of a new England era under Fabio Capello, but, sadly, those intrepid BBC commentators entrusted to tell us all about it are the same old gruesome twosome, or as Fabio would say, Motson and Lawrenson. Is it me, or do these two come across as total tactical dimwits to everybody who listens to them pontificate on the game as it unfolds? We may have a new man in charge and he may have a CV to die for, but it cuts no ice with the Lugubrious One and his statistical sidekick. Here’s a summary in flashback form, primarily because it was so bad I’ve been having flashbacks since 8pm last night…

Poor old Fabio had hardly got the wrapping off his 4-1-4-1 formation before Lawro had pounced on the fact that it wasn’t 4-4-2 and no support for Rooney meant a hard night’s graft for him and, in all probability, little reward. No height up front either, so it looked as if the standard Premiership fare of 4-4-2, play up to big target man who lays it off to Wazza to bag a hatful, had been dispensed with entirely. You’d have thought that Motty and Lawro might have realised that, what with Fabio being Italian and midfield being an area Italians like to play their football in, a passing game to feet might just be the order of the day, or night in this case.

Slowly (shortly after an England possession statistic of 69% appeared on the screen to be precise) it dawned on them both that England were seeing a lot of the ball, whereupon Lawro mused that statistics can be used to prove anything nowadays, so little good it was doing us. Then, quick as a flash, his tactically astute mind pinpointed the problem - it was down to the players not being comfortable with the new system, not being as used to it as the Swiss who, we were reliably informed, were playing the same way as us, although playing it somewhat better. What made the Swiss superior was the fact that England simply couldn’t keep the ball (69% possession apparently fashioned from something other than the players passing it well between themselves) and there being the additional factor, yes you’ve guessed it, that Rooney had no support striker by his side.

Norra lorra people besides Lawro could see these subtle nuances, let alone appreciate how far they undermined the first half stall Capello had set out. If you didn’t get Lawro’s drift, it was that changes needed to be made already and we weren’t even fully into the first 45 minutes of his tenure - oh, hang on, Joe’s just skinned the full back and laid the opening goal on a plate for Jenas…guys are singing, guys are playing!! Mother, father kindly disregarded this letter!!!

Half time upon us, it was back to the studio where Gary Lineker and crew were rapidly called upon to dig Motty and his mate out of the depressingly large hole they had placed England’s performance in. Job done, the second half opened amidst the sound of backtracking by the pair who were lucky to salvage some semblance of credibility through England’s continual dominance - “ They’re playing better now, aren’t they, Mark?” - albeit with grudging acceptance - “Yes, England are playing well now, better than in the first half “. Why this was so we dare not ask our experts, it just was, or at least it was until the Swiss equalised, whereupon it wasn’t again and the sight of Crouchy (or Crouch, as the new manager calls him) warming up on the touchline brought a warm 4-4-2 glow to Lawro, no doubt matched only by the heat generated from Motty’s sheepskin coat.

Things got even hotter in the commentary box when Stevie G (or Gerrard, as the manager calls him, or [for the hard of hearing] GERRARD, as Andy Gray always calls him) got on the end of a Route One pass to set up Shaun for the winner. No nanby-pamby, hoity-toity, wishy-washy passing movement this - no siree, back to your basic long ball tactic, or at least that was the clear implication of Lawro’s summing up of the goal.

The theme once more established, the comedy duo played out time musing on the standing ovation delivered on Rooney’s substitution and his selfless devotion to the cause. “Man of the Match, Mark?” enquired Motty, inexplicably forgetting that a certain Liverpudlian was playing, was captain, was entitled and whatever was presented was bound to be pre-engraved anyway. The inevitable MotM announcement arrived with the resounding solemnity of a call to prayer - GERRARD - and all at once we realise that some things never change. Jeez, never mind how much we’re going to learn from Capello, I dread to think how much he’s going to learn about us. icon_rolleyes.gif

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Nice one Dorset,

You've forgotten two other classics from last night....

1. Motson: 'I don't know about you, Mark, but these ball-boys are throwing the balls back really quickly. Will that be down to the new England manager?'

Lawro: 'Yes'

2. Motson: 'And Gerrard has been named motm.'

Lawro: 'According to who?'

Motson: 'I think they do it, as they say, 'on-line''

Lawro: 'By geeks then?'

I've met Motty and he's a true gent, but it's time to retire to the Murray Walker home for the terminally confused.

I laughed out loud as Lawro undermined one third of his employer's entire media strategy so brilliantly.

The BBC: Online (for geeks), On digital (for twats), On your tits

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1. Motson: 'I don't know about you, Mark, but these ball-boys are throwing the balls back really quickly. Will that be down to the new England manager?'

Lawro: 'Yes'

Yes, Fabio had pinpointed what exactly went wrong in England's Euro qualifier campaign and the first thing he did when he was appointed as the manager was to train the ball-boys how to get the balls back into play faster. EuReKa.gif

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Nice one Dorset,

You've forgotten two other classics from last night....

1. Motson: 'I don't know about you, Mark, but these ball-boys are throwing the balls back really quickly. Will that be down to the new England manager?'

Lawro: 'Yes'

2. Motson: 'And Gerrard has been named motm.'

Lawro: 'According to who?'

Motson: 'I think they do it, as they say, 'on-line''

Lawro: 'By geeks then?'

I've met Motty and he's a true gent, but it's time to retire to the Murray Walker home for the terminally confused.

I laughed out loud as Lawro undermined one third of his employer's entire media strategy so brilliantly.

The BBC: Online (for geeks), On digital (for twats), On your tits

So Larwo inadvertantly agreed that Gerrard shouldn't have got Motm by calling the people who voted for it 'geeks' who know sweet FA about football.

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Spot on Dorset - I forgot to start a 'Lawrensen is a c**t' thread this morning after listening to the continuous sh*t that pours from his scouse gob.

Just wanted to add the repeated 'brilliant pass' from him everytime Stevens made a pass that didnt end up with a Swiss Player - best one was 'brilliant pass' and then 'Joe Cole just doing what hes good at' when reviewing the goal that was gifted to Jenas.

What a total f**king w**ker

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Nice one Dorset,

You've forgotten two other classics from last night....

1. Motson: 'I don't know about you, Mark, but these ball-boys are throwing the balls back really quickly. Will that be down to the new England manager?'

Lawro: 'Yes'

2. Motson: 'And Gerrard has been named motm.'

Lawro: 'According to who?'

Motson: 'I think they do it, as they say, 'on-line''

Lawro: 'By geeks then?'

I've met Motty and he's a true gent, but it's time to retire to the Murray Walker home for the terminally confused.

I laughed out loud as Lawro undermined one third of his employer's entire media strategy so brilliantly.

The BBC: Online (for geeks), On digital (for twats), On your tits

Hi, Mike, glad you liked it and yes I did recall the comments, but I reckoned that the ball-boys bit didn’t really go with the topic and the Lawro ‘geeks’ jibe shed him in far too good a light for my liking. Incidentally, I almost brought in the whole Beeb-Arse-loving theme because, let’s face it, if you slapped an ’Arsenal’ label on last night’s package - Joe was renamed Theo, Wenger in the dugout instead of Capello and had Lady Nina Bracewell giving out the MotM award - the BBC would have been lapping it up and the performance would have been hailed as a triumph fit to set before all lovers of good football. Still, Fabio will learn about all the Corporation's little idiosyncrasies soon, I’m sure.

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