Fruit Bat

They are proper. Pretty much all the time wear Bally, Churches or Edward Green loafers and brogues. Don't mind Red Wing boots- ex wife detested them- thought they looked like a couple of casserole dishes
Few years back at a car boot sale in Raynes Park I picked up a pair of pig ugly Solatio Beetle Crushers for a nicker, dated from 72 ish Smoothie Period I'd say. Had a hunch they might be collectable- stuck them on Ebay as Northern Soul footwear and got back a remarkable  £200. 
 

A scouser I knew said the funniest thing he ever saw at Anfield, was two coach loads of us disembark - curly perm wigs- shell suits- “‘Calm Down”......This fella was pretty hardcore and not especially enamoured with Londoners but said all the natives were doubling up.
Whatever year we had Sheffield Utd away last game of the season- early 90’s- loads of blokes in flat caps- instead of ticker tape reception torne up Hovis - Hovis theme getting hummed during course of the match. They’re was one bloke next to me with a flat cap on with a plastic pigeon glued on top. 
That to me was Chelsea fans at there best. Totally, completely irreverent, having a laugh, taking the piss
 
 
 
 
 

Was in there for FA Cup in 2009- stuck seats in but still sh*tty view. Was right in the corner next to Everton fan. Some gobsh*te kept going on about my Aquascutum raincoat- “ You got a string of Rolex watches in there have you cockney. Nylons, anyone need nylons...”
The bloke kept going for it...Me: Yeah alright mate. I’m just hear to watch the game..turn it in FFS..
He had an orientatal girlfriend next to him...he wouldn’t shut up “ At least I didn’t have to go to Thailand to get meself a f**king bird”
He went absolutely garrity. Stewards carted him off

Years later, last days of The Shed you had those fellas selling the vacuum packed burgers- they had big white containers carried on shoulder straps- real vulcanised rubbish. Still preferable to the stuff sold on those portable stands you saw on Fulham Broadway. Remember a horse called Dark Ivy perishing in The Grand National. Me mate said to one of these bods “ Can I have a Dark Ivy burger with onions mate”
 

I experienced the sh*t times- 75- 84. No one likes seeing their team loose, and attendances dropped, but what got us through was fan power. We were so crap we used to laugh at ourselves. The Shed was still rocking- used to listen to the FA Cup Draw on the radio, thinking you never know, rub of the green and we’ll end up at Wembley- even though we were at the wrong end of Division 2. We were a sh*t team with the best fans. Nowadays fans are coming out with “ No chance of winning the Premiership. Suppose we’ll have to be grateful with the odd cup win”
The atmosphere at The Bridge has been going downhill for a very long while. I go on a when it suits me basis-mates with season tickets who’ve been going for decades..someone drops out, or they don’t want to go to all the games etc and I’m in.
We have a beer before and after the game, but during the 90 minutes they’re no craic-sh*t atmosphere-? no banter- no ironic songs- the only thing to focus on is the game. 
So the only selling product is the football itself.? Unlike Leeds, Forest, Palace etc who have fan culture going for them. 
When results go wrong, as of now,, they’re no black humour/ fan culture to fall back on. Without the success our fan base has become accustomed, The here and now is pure misery.
 
 

Without question one of the two or three worst players in the Western Hemisphere.
Next time I’m barred might take on “ Alan Mayes Eat My Homework” as domain name

Sammy Nelson from Arsenal hit the back pages by dropping his pants and mooning after scoring, even though he had a jock strap on; half mooning?
Played a few games for the district team  at 15/16. All the lads who were on Schoolboy forms with pro clubs wore jock straps, also rans like meself donned  Y- Fronts. 
Got me old man to buy me a pair, thinking it might magically make me a better player...no dice..
 
 

Alan Mayes had a big fat arse. Had he mooned half the ground would be in shade.

Without question one of the two or three worst players in the Western Hemisphere.
Next time I’m barred might take on “ Alan Mayes Eat My Homework” as domain name

These were the days of being part of Chelsea FC and the fans...miss late 60s to late 70s....

Dave Beasent first season we tried to get him to moon,  think he showed a bit of his arse vs pompey last game of season away. Someone threw a I think it was called a “where’s Willie” toy cock on the pitch and Beasent picked it up and had it sticking out of his shorts!!

Alan Mayes had a big fat arse. Had he mooned half the ground would be in shade.

After the 5-3 win over Fulham.

Some of my earliest match going days Circa 74 in the benches- there was a vendor who walked on the cinder bit ever though the dog track was long gone- who’d chuck peanuts into the crowd, and you’d throw the change back at him. Might have been Percy Daltons peanuts but was only 8 or 9 so was unreliable witness

Years later, last days of The Shed you had those fellas selling the vacuum packed burgers- they had big white containers carried on shoulder straps- real vulcanised rubbish. Still preferable to the stuff sold on those portable stands you saw on Fulham Broadway. Remember a horse called Dark Ivy perishing in The Grand National. Me mate said to one of these bods “ Can I have a Dark Ivy burger with onions mate”
 

Some of my earliest match going days Circa 74 in the benches- there was a vendor who walked on the cinder bit ever though the dog track was long gone- who’d chuck peanuts into the crowd, and you’d throw the change back at him. Might have been Percy Daltons peanuts but was only 8 or 9 so was unreliable witness

Following the posts about Ron Hockings. This was posted on here in November 2009.
Tribute to Ron Hockings
Written by Geezer in November 2009
http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll244/loz1905/RonHockings.gifWhen talking about Chelsea legends it's only natural that we turn our thoughts to the many great players and managers who have graced ourselves with their presence in the name of Chelsea Football Club, it is after all these guys who formed our history on the football pitch.
So at a time when certain parts of the country questions whether or not Chelsea does actually have any history it seems only right that I draw your attention to a Chelsea legend responsible for capturing the history of our club - the late great Ron Hockings.
Ron Hockings was an extraordinary man who took it upon himself to write a diary of every match he attended and how ironic it should be that the first match he attended should be against the very team whose fans question our history - Liverpool. The date was January 4th 1947 and Chelsea won 3-1.
But it wasn't only first team matches which Ron would attend for he also attended reserve matches (Football Combination in the old days) and youth team matches (South East Counties league). During the course of his 59 years following Chelsea he would attend 1,483 home games and 1,220 away games. In total he attended 4,356 games as he also followed England around the globe and indeed watched many other matches as well during the course of his work. In the 1979/80 season alone he would attend 104 games including all 42 of Chelsea's 2nd division matches.
So what of the man himself? Well despite being so attached to Chelsea Football Club Ron had a long and happy marriage of 50 years to Jean and they had two children, Peter and Jacqueline. In fact, legend has it that on their first date Ron actually took Jean to watch a Chelsea match! Ron was also very famous for his love of a cup of tea that was quite often accompanied by a 'roll-up' and for a few years he was a steward in the old East stand.
Ron had followed Chelsea through good and bad times and had been one of the lucky ones to see Chelsea win the league title in 1955. Then came season 2004/05. Chelsea were going great guns in the league but in December 2004 Ron was diagnosed with lung cancer. Despite going to numerous specialists it became apparent to his family that Ron was going to delay any treatment until the end of the season such was his belief that this was going to be Chelsea's season. How fitting it was then that on 30th April 2005 Frank Lampard would score the two goals to ensure Chelsea won the Premiership trophy and even more appropriate that Ron should be invited on to the Stamford Bridge pitch during the final home game to join in the celebrations.
I was fortunate enough to be one of the subscribers to Ron's final piece of work '100 Years of the Blues' and although I never had the pleasure of actually meeting Ron I did have the pleasure of being in touch with him by email during this period. Although tinged with sadness I still cherish the last e-mail he wrote to me where he said 'please get me a programme, I miss it so much'. Ron passed away three weeks later.
http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll244/loz1905/Ninety.gifThe funeral was a remarkable and fitting affair lasting 90 minutes with a half time for oranges! The congregation wore Chelsea shirts and a very rousing rendition of 'Blue is the Colour' was sung by one and all as the coffin was carried in. Ron also had a little known obsession for music and chose three tracks for his service from Led Zeppelin, King Crimson and Lynyrd Skynyrd.
Ron's work down the years includes:
- Statistical History of Chelsea Football Club 1905-85
- Statistical History of Chelsea Football Club 1905-86 2nd edition
- Statistical History of Chelsea Football Club 1905-88 3rd edition
- Chelsea FC Player Who's Who 1905-89
- European Cup 1st and 2nd edition
- South American Cups since 1893
- Nations of Europe Vol 1 & Vol 2
- 100 Years of the Blues
If any Liverpool fans happen to read this I urge you to read Ron's work and you will realise that, as a result of this remarkable man, Chelsea Football Club does actually have a history.
In celebration of a true Chelsea legend I'd like you all to join me in raising a cup of tea to the great man that is Ron Hockings.
Bluebeard's Comments on Ron
Ron Hockings lived in Bexhill, about half a mile from me. I didn't know him at all, but then I met Ron a couple of times, while I was working as a meter reader. We got chatting about Chelsea and he took me up into his loft, which was more of a Chelsea shrine. Memorabilia everywhere, and a collection of Chelsea programmes that left me drooling!
He was a lovely man, with a wealth of stories about following Chelsea down the years. He preferred a cup of tea to alcohol, but nevertheless was great company. The last time I saw him he was telling me about his trip over to Tromso and the people he met there.
I bought his book "90 Years Of The Blues" off of him at his home, and got annual updates for a few years. I'd highly recommend the book to anyone who has spent a fair amount of years following the Blues, even though it's basic match stats, it's like a walk down memory lane.

Dunno if he was married , but I know he must have missed a few games cos I saw him on the " snow train" in France once when we were on a skiing trip during the season.
I've got an old supporters club pamphlet thing that he produced , he apologised for missing some insignificant reserve game or other away to Millwall at the Old Den. 
Do you remember the bearded bloke with a shopping bag who went to every game, reserves , youth etc ? He got an award on the pitch . My mate reckoned he missed one game cos although he could see the stadium it was across some stream , and he couldn't figure out how to get across it !

And his commentary when Ronald Koeman was about to take a free kick v England
"He's going to flick one, he's going to flick this, he's going to flick it ...and... it's in "   great perception, ( better than the England defence) his voice getting louder and louder and then followed by about a minute of complete silence from him .
Kenneth Wolstanholme when we played Villa in the 60s , a Chelsea player bamboozles their defender.  Ken......." oh you cheeky monkey !"
We won 6 something that day.

I've read Nelson's and the Robin Friday one. Both very good. The latter was co-written by Oasis bassist Paul McGuigan.

Total superfan. Probably seen more games than he’s has hot dinners. Expert on British Rail sandwiches apparently 

The legend that is Ron Hockiings. Was he a married man?  Wedding anniversary- romantic Wednesday night in Bolton cause we’re playing their in the Milk Cup

Probably my favourite commentator. Catchphrase “‘And a goal.....”
Gillingham fan apparently 

"The Bonnie Prince"  Charlie Cooke book with Martin Knight is a good read. There's thanks to the late Ron Hockings inside, I used to travel on some of his away trains back in the day.