Fruit Bat

Without question one of the two or three worst players in the Western Hemisphere. Next time I’m barred might take on “ Alan Mayes Eat My Homework” as domain name

Alan Mayes had a big fat arse. Had he mooned half the ground would be in shade.

Sammy Nelson from Arsenal hit the back pages by dropping his pants and mooning after scoring, even though he had a jock strap on; half mooning? Played a few games for the district team at 15/16. All the lads who were on Schoolboy forms with pro clubs wore jock straps, also rans like meself donned Y- Fronts. Got me old man to buy me a pair, thinking it might magically make me a better player...no dice..

Years later, last days of The Shed you had those fellas selling the vacuum packed burgers- they had big white containers carried on shoulder straps- real vulcanised rubbish. Still preferable to the stuff sold on those portable stands you saw on Fulham Broadway. Remember a horse called Dark Ivy perishing in The Grand National. Me mate said to one of these bods “ Can I have a Dark Ivy burger with onions mate”

Some of my earliest match going days Circa 74 in the benches- there was a vendor who walked on the cinder bit ever though the dog track was long gone- who’d chuck peanuts into the crowd, and you’d throw the change back at him. Might have been Percy Daltons peanuts but was only 8 or 9 so was unreliable witness

Total superfan. Probably seen more games than he’s has hot dinners. Expert on British Rail sandwiches apparently

Probably my favourite commentator. Catchphrase “‘And a goal.....” Gillingham fan apparently

The legend that is Ron Hockiings. Was he a married man? Wedding anniversary- romantic Wednesday night in Bolton cause we’re playing their in the Milk Cup

Bundles of chimney pots, South London, West London, Home Counties. Full of young CFC fans. Willing to step in when the glory hunters depart. The way forward is relegation

Prolonged Success has made The Bridge Soulness

I experienced the sh*t times- 75- 84. No one likes seeing their team loose, and attendances dropped, but what got us through was fan power. We were so crap we used to laugh at ourselves. The Shed was still rocking- used to listen to the FA Cup Draw on the radio, thinking you never know, rub of the green and we’ll end up at Wembley- even though we were at the wrong end of Division 2. We were a sh*t team with the best fans. Nowadays fans are coming out with “ No chance of winning the Premiership. Suppose we’ll have to be grateful with the odd cup win” The atmosphere at The Bridge has been going downhill for a very long while. I go on a when it suits me basis-mates with season tickets who’ve been going for decades..someone drops out, or they don’t want to go to all the games etc and I’m in. We have a beer before and after the game, but during the 90 minutes they’re no craic-sh*t atmosphere-? no banter- no ironic songs- the only thing to focus on is the game. So the only selling product is the football itself.? Unlike Leeds, Forest, Palace etc who have fan culture going for them. When results go wrong, as of now,, they’re no black humour/ fan culture to fall back on. Without the success our fan base has become accustomed, The here and now is pure misery.

Football memoirs worth reading from pros who who grew up the hard way and could spin a yarn.... Steve Claridge’s offering. Gary Nelson my Left Foot-!Robin Friday “ The Best Footballer you’ve never heard of”

They’re surprisingly few books from that generation of footballers- considering they didn’t earn too much dough in their playing days and it could have brought them a few welcome quid spreading memories and tales. Alan Hudson did one which was a bit chip on his shoulder- Ossie had one retrospectively with King and Knight.

Kane and Maddison. 130 odd Million. Apart from anything else they speak English.