His name is Luka - he wasn’t allowed to live on the top, top floor.

[Dorset]

Well, what a wasted effort that was! Never knew how difficult it could be to try [unsuccessfully] to lug such a little fellah up so many stairs. Still, there’s no doubting he would have been worth it (at around £30m) and also much lighter than a freestanding sofa-sized Tom Huddlestone, or a chaise longue Crouch who, fair play to him, was more easily hauled up by rope and pulley through the stairwell and into a penthouse flat in Stoke, probably without even touching the sides. That said, we‘re not really comparing like-with-like here are we, because the Modric Quality Midfielder Model sits neatly in the middle of any ‘fine furnishings’ brochure and therefore would never, ever be knowingly undersold to a fashionable football club under the guise of a ‘a big unit’ for fear of breaching the Trades Description Act - much in the same way as you would always fall foul of authority if you ever advertised Heurelho Gomes as ‘a safe pair of hands’, despite the matching Queen Anne legs.

Such a pity, then, that deliberate connivance and delay should blight this whole buying process, with responsibility for failure resting squarely on the drooping shoulders of a club desperate to dispel a growing reputation as market leader in ‘the feeder to the gentry‘ category. What‘s more, not content to blatantly encourage barter by heaping derision on an opening bid and then having old Aitch, its cockney mouthpiece, suggest we try offers way in excess of those made [and subsequently accepted] for the likes of Sanchez, Fabregas and, for that matter, Mata, an affronted Daniel Levy even had the gall to revel in a kind of media-conducted good cock/bad cock pastiche with his willing baggagehandler for weeks on end, doubtless with the sole intention of painting the bidder in such a bad light there was bound to be a moral obligation on the club concerned to either offer an extortionate amount or shop elsewhere. As it happens, we [allegedly] chose the former and were rejected for reasons known only to Daniel Levy, but which are nonetheless well worth discussing in this sorry aftermath.

Let me start by saying that Chelsea have emerged from all the dilatory dogma cast firmly in the role of a discerning customer that’s always been right [on the ball] from the start of the process, apart maybe from that late bid if it existed, yet nevertheless one entitled to ask the burning question of the day on behalf of every club in the country - in view of all the hassle, is there really much point shopping on Levy-Bay anymore? I’m sure many a window-gazer would have had instant recall of Spurs disastrous no-sale pitch for the far from ubiquitous Lazy Boy Berbie (launched in Manchester only a few years ago) and a high percentage of those with long memories would have thought twice about going on-Lane for goods, bad or indifferent, from that very moment of hypermarket madness. However, back then, little did anyone think that Spurs business matters could sink quite so low and to such a level of discourteousness merely to obtain an ego massage.

Nor, I would suggest, could anyone have foreseen the insidious emergence of the Redknapp factor, epitomised by brazen attempts to drum up custom by acquiescing to a daily dose of free Sky advertising. Masquerading on the box [most of the time] as the Nation’s leading exponent of Old London Town cheeky-chappery is one thing, but such is the current high voltage of ‘Arry pro-mo you can virtually guarantee that the wheeler-dealing Pearly King will be in the altogether undignified position of pursuing naked ambition somewhere on Murdochian TV well before the watershed every night until hell freezes over…or at the very least until someone has the good sense to drag him away from the cameras, like as not by making a citizens arrest. Loitering with two spoons, bent knees and serious discordant intent is the likeliest charge made to stick if he carries on at this rate and quite frankly such rampant exposure can’t be a pretty sight for the viewing public in general, let alone the Tottenham hierarchy, or their embittered and embarrassed fans. What they must think of him is anyone’s guess, but what Levy now thinks of him is probably more to the point when searching for the real reason for Luka being forced to stay put.

Just imagine for one moment what was going through Levy’s mind as, if true, news filtered through we had offered £40m for Luka and he mulls over the pros and cons of the situation. On the one hand, he views Bentley, Jenas, Bassong, Keane, Palacios, Hutton, et al as the remnants of a pretty ramshackle past brigade, whether they represent Arry faux pas or not, and they highlight for him a Spurs emporium bursting at the seams with laughingstock desperate to fly off the shelves voluntarily. Replenishment could easily result in more of the same [quality?] with the wheeler-dealer having £40m burning a hole in his pocket. On the other, keeping an unlikely-to-strike Modric until the next window and striking a principled pose oneself could easily appear a much better option - Arry gets a few months to prove his Parker-led capabilities and repeat his relegation zone escape of a bygone era or, failing that, preside over a string of defeats, then he’s given the elbow and someone else has the immediate benefit of the potential sale proceeds in the January window.

Of course, all this presupposes our retained interest, a risk Levy is obviously prepared to take, together with the prospect of a complete demolition job on his own brightly burnished character by an outraged Media should he choose to rid himself of a garrulous and hack-friendly stooge. At this point, bearing in mind we are broad church ourselves, perhaps we should all offer up the standard Sky Sports News mantra in supplication and in the hope that Daniel Levy will, for once, make the right decision. Let us pray…

Our Arry

Who art at Spurs Lodge

With car window rolled down

Hallowed be your game

Your transfers done

Give us each day your daily quote

Forgive us our transfer bids

As we forgive those that have been made against us

And lead us not up the garden path

But deliver us from drivel

For thine is the story

And you like the lad

So you hope he comes

For ever and ever

Triffic

[Crystal Phallus]

tl;dr

[Hutch]

tl;dr

AS,NI*

*Attention span, needs improvement.

[moi]

tl;dr

Then you missed the literary equivalent of a rare fillet steak washed down with a vintage claret.

If it's greasy hamburger you want, best join RAWK!

[DannyD]

tl;dr

Twat

[moi]

Twat

Seconded! Well said, DannyD (in case anyone thought the next part was addressed to Danny rather than to the glass prick)

If you can't read joined up writing, then read a simpler thread, but there is absolutely no need to insult the best literary talent on the Shed End.

Edited September 5, 2011 by moi

[The Moos]

It really is an entirely new level of lazyness when you can't even be bothered writing "too long, didn't read".

Besides, if you can't be bothered reading it, why even respond?

[lauren]

brilliant post as always Dorset

[mad_mac]

As always Dorset, a thought provoking article. I think through all this Arry has certainly emerged from the other side of the saga as the damned if you do damned if you dont hero.

He sells Luka and it's not his fault. "Levy made me do it!" he could cry to the fans and media alike. It also would have given him a pre-baked excuse that the transfer happened (hypothetically) too late for him to make reinforcements, and that his team had lost it's enginge.

Now,as the transfer didn't happen, he's got the excuse of "Nasty Chelsea have unsettled my dressing room!" Either way, Arry will continue to preach to all and sundry about their ambitions, etc. And Levy will continue to seen as the friend, or foe, of Arry's ambitions - and that of Tottenham hotspur

[Elliott]

Cretin.

[HazardsLeftPeg]

Did he get banned for that? ..poor sod.

[TheWestwayWonder]

Did he get banned for that? ..poor sod.

Someone might say thats harsh, but not me. Dorset is a respected poster and contributor. I wanted to read this topic last week, but didnt have time myself. Still, I didnt go to the trouble of acting like a horses ass by insulting him.

Anyone who wants to act "cool" or seek attention by insulting someone on this website should just take a hike. Contribute something of value by all means, but if your contribution is that worthless just shut your mouth. Good riddance I say.

(yes I realize I sound like an old man right now)

[TheWestwayWonder]

Oh, and this piece isnt that long at all, unless your reading comprehension is seriously defecient, or, as I suspect, you're like 11.

[HazardsLeftPeg]

Someone might say thats harsh, but not me. Dorset is a respected poster and contributor. I wanted to read this topic last week, but didnt have time myself. Still, I didnt go to the trouble of acting like a horses ass by insulting him.

Anyone who wants to act "cool" or seek attention by insulting someone on this website should just take a hike. Contribute something of value by all means, but if your contribution is that worthless just shut your mouth. Good riddance I say.

(yes I realize I sound like an old man right now)

Did I sound like I was being sympathetic towards him? Well then it was unintentional. I had passed up reading this one the first time for some reason too, so the 'tldr' post, idiotic as it was, kind of turned out useful. But I have absolutely no problem with the banning.

[The Moos]

If one finds something too long to read then don't read. Writing "tl;dr" is very disrespectful, rude and will probably cause an argument and therefore distract from what the thread is really about.

[youlots]

Must have had priors. If not, perhaps a tad harsh given that s/he would be ripe for obvious rejoinders on any future contributions offered and for some time I'd say.

[Maksimov]

I think it's not the first time someone has responded to one of Dorset's posts with "tl;dr". I can't remember if it was this Phallus fella that time as well, though.

In any case, totally uncalled for. Not sure if it was worthy of a ban, but then again, I don't know if it was the reason for the ban or if it was just the final straw.