Can you do The Times crossword in five minutes?,no me neither.I couldn't do it in 5 years.

Do you shout out the answers to the questions asked on Mastermind,only to look a right t*t when you've got the answers completly wrong, oh yes!.

Then to lighten the mood somewhat, i've got 10 quiz questions for you!...................if your sharp enough.

Firstly,

1.Chelsea F.C. was formed in 1905 due to a man biting a dog,(or it might have been the other way round!),what breed of dog was it?.

2.How many league goals did Chelsea score in the 54-55 league winning season?.

3.Loved watching Micky Droy playing,he deserved to win medals with us,but how tall was the man mountain?.

4.What is Ken Bates middle name? (some might think it's 'tight miserable bast*rd'!,but that's incorrect).

5.What is the total amount of goals current boss Robbie Di Matteo scored for CFC in all competitions?.

6.How many games did Chelsea legend Kerry Dixon play for England?.

7.How many goals did he score for the national side?.

8.Before he played for Marseille,what was Didiers previous french club?

9.Todays Stamford Bridge capacity is listed as 41,837,which stand holds the most supporters & what is it's capacity?.

10.Finally,we paid £50 million for Torres (sob) but what is the highest fee we have received, how much was it, for whom & from which club?

No prize for getting them all correct only pride at looking a smart ass!.

If you don't know, there's always wikipedia or you can pm me with your credit card details or offers of sexual favours.*

*(must be female though, pulse optional ).

Don't mind me, I'll just sit over here in the corner in shame.

In the words of that lovable Manuel: - "I know nothing"

1.Chelsea F.C. was formed in 1905 due to a man biting a dog,(or it might have been the other way round!),what breed of dog was it?.

Border Collie

2.How many league goals did Chelsea score in the 54-55 league winning season?.

74

3.Loved watching Micky Droy playing,he deserved to win medals with us,but how tall was the man mountain?.

6 foot 5

4.What is Ken Bates middle name? (some might think it's 'tight miserable bast*rd'!,but that's incorrect).

William

5.What is the total amount of goals current boss Robbie Di Matteo scored for CFC in all competitions?.

28

6.How many games did Chelsea legend Kerry Dixon play for England?.

3

7.How many goals did he score for the national side?.

1

8.Before he played for Marseille,what was Didiers previous french club?

Pass

9.Todays Stamford Bridge capacity is listed as 41,837,which stand holds the most supporters & what is it's capacity?.

West...18k

10.Finally,we paid £50 million for Torres (sob) but what is the highest fee we have received, how much was it, for whom & from which club?

About 28m for Robben from Real Madrid

No prize for getting them all correct only pride at looking a smart ass!.

Dixon scored more than 1 goal for England. Remember him scoring 2 or 3 in a pre 86 WC tournament in the USA

Well they were all complete guesses anyway.

Firstly,

1.Chelsea F.C. was formed in 1905 due to a man biting a dog,(or it might have been the other way round!),what breed of dog was it?.

Scots terrier

2.How many league goals did Chelsea score in the 54-55 league winning season?.

81

3.Loved watching Micky Droy playing,he deserved to win medals with us,but how tall was the man mountain?.

6ft 4

4.What is Ken Bates middle name? (some might think it's 'tight miserable bast*rd'!,but that's incorrect).

William

5.What is the total NUMBER of goals current boss Robbie Di Matteo scored for CFC in all competitions?.

15

6.How many games did Chelsea legend Kerry Dixon play for England?.

8

7.How many goals did he score for the national side?.

4

8.Before he played for Marseille,what was Didiers previous french club?

Guingamp

9.Todays Stamford Bridge capacity is listed as 41,837,which stand holds the most supporters & what is it's capacity?.

Possibly East Stabd? 13,500?

10.Finally,we paid £50 million for Torres (sob) but what is the highest fee we have received, how much was it, for whom & from which club?

£24 million for Arjen Robben from Real Madrid

Edited March 25, 201214 yr by moi

Wow,you've got most of the answers correct moi & I'd give you a big kiss for a great effort, but I don't like kissing with a chin covered in stuble.......so when you've had a shave let me know .

Question 5 is all goals & not only the league ones.

Q 9 is the correct capacity, but wrong stand,but well done though.

I cannot tell a lie - I had a little help from a friend!

I cannot tell a lie - I had a little help from a friend!

His name wasn't Mr Google was it?.

No - it was a REAL person! I know you didn;t say we could phone a friend, but....

and he says he doesn't want a kiss from you. Sorry.

No - it was a REAL person! I know you didn;t say we could phone a friend, but....

and he says he doesn't want a kiss from you. Sorry.

Wasn't Bluebeard or Chippy was it,? that's unfair as there old enough to have witnessed most of Chelsea's history first hand!. .

Wasn't Bluebeard or Chippy was it,? that's unfair as there old enough to have witnessed most of Chelsea's history first hand!. .

What makes you think I'm not?????

Pass

Where's that, Alsace?

Wasn't Bluebeard or Chippy was it,? that's unfair as there old enough to have witnessed most of Chelsea's history first hand!. .

That's sadly true, Alan, I can still remember biting that dog in the Rising Sun - the little bar steward was after my pickled egg!

Wasn't me that helped moi, though...

What makes you think I'm not?????

Sorry for the late reply moi but I had a chilly bed & a hot woman waiting! (unfortunatly,it turned out to be the other way round).

As my mum would often tell me,I was just being respectfull to my 'elders'!,if not, a good 'ol fashioned belt around the ear would soon follow!.

Didn't do me any harm though, (pardon), its bloody handy to have ears that would suit an elephant if you wear glasses.

Here's a question you could ask your 'friend' & I'd be very impressed if you/he/she/it knew the answer;

What was the name of the dog in question 1.?, ..................it was a Scots terrier if that helps?.

Sorry for the late reply moi but I had a chilly bed & a hot woman waiting! (unfortunatly,it turned out to be the other way round).

As my mum would often tell me,I was just being respectfull to my 'elders'!,if not, a good 'ol fashioned belt around the ear would soon follow!.

Didn't do me any harm though, (pardon), its bloody handy to have ears that would suit an elephant if you wear glasses.

Here's a question you could ask your 'friend' & I'd be very impressed if you/he/she/it knew the answer;

What was the name of the dog in question 1.?, ..................it was a Scots terrier if that helps?.

I promise never to belt you round the ear. I'm definitely a bum smacker!

Don;t know the name, but the terrier belonged to Gus Mears and it bit Fred parker

I promise never to belt you round the ear. I'm definitely a bum smacker!

Don;t know the name, but the terrier belonged to Gus Mears and it bit Fred parker

The answer is....................

McFido.

Sorry,but it made me laugh .

McFido?? is that true? that's hilarious!

It sounds like a dog meat burger! A MacFido? Certainly sir, and would you like fries with that? (hope Geezer doesn't read this!)

You little tease!,of course it's true,as honest as a Mickey Thomas £5 pound note!.

Now,due you fancy buying my genuine Tudor period digital watch?.......

Due I or duon't I? No I think I duon;t!

Ahh, I can see Moi that you're a woman of taste!.

If however, you ever want to buy a genuine pair of Sir France's Drakes 'Y' fronts,then you will know who to call. .

Ahh, I can see Moi that you're a woman of taste!.

If however, you ever want to buy a genuine pair of Sir France's Drakes 'Y' fronts,then you will know who to call. .

Sorry, not my era, but if you have a pair of Bonnie Prince Charlie's "smalls" I'll make you an offer...

Edited March 26, 201214 yr by moi

Sorry, not my era, but if you have a pair of Bonnie Prince Charlie's "smalls" I'll make you an offer...

You don't mean Bonnie Prince Charlie Nicholas do you?.

Because if you watched him, ahem, 'perform' for the arse,then you'll know there not worth 2 bob.

(even though he likes to think differently).