Ages or stages perhaps, if you go to football for any length of time, you will go through them. For me it was as follows.

The initial awe-struck wow this is amazing phase.

For me this would be my early to mid-teens. Thrilled to actually be at Stamford Bridge, taking in the sights and sounds, the atmosphere, seeing your footballing heroes live in action. Overlapping with:

The getting to know people phase

Mid-teens. Settling down, becoming a regular, starting to go to away games, getting up to stuff, seeing and being seen.

The absolute nutter phase

Late mid-teens to early twenties. Obsessed with Chelsea Football Club, lost jobs for refusing to work Saturdays. Went anywhere and everywhere, anyway and anyhow, getting up to all sorts.

The madly in love and cracking up over this bird I used to know who shall remain nameless phase

Early to mid twenties. Interspersed with large amounts of absolute nutterism. Oh what could have been... if I knew then what I know now... would I make the same mistakes? Probably. Ah well. Live and learn. Or not as the case may be.

The not quite absolute nutter but still a bit mental phase

Mid to late twenties. Still going to almost every game, home and away. A little older, maybe a little more cautious, Older but not demonstrably wiser, almost inevitably still under the influence of The madly in love and cracking up over this bird I used to know who shall remain nameless phase this soon developed into:

The drunken bloody lunatic phase

God I could knock 'em back. Thought I was clever? Naa just got into a certain kind of lifestyle of which I'm still suffering the aftereffects to this day. No-one's fault, no complaints, just an all round f**k up, leading inexorably to the:

Retired through injury phase.

Shattered my leg coming back from Wembley nick - another story I won't bother to relate. Out of commission for months, went to Wales to recuperate. From here this is No Escape. And so now you see my inexorable decline towards the:

Grumpy Old Man Stage

Bah.

f**k 'em all.

Absolutely F*CKING brilliant. What a great summation, I'm sure there is a movie in there somewhere...now all you need is a screenwriter...Brian M, anyone?

Absolutely F*CKING brilliant. What a great summation, I'm sure there is a movie in there somewhere...now all you need is a screenwriter...Brian M, anyone?

Sorry I thought you said screenwriter not teenyw**ker

Sorry I thought you said screenwriter not teenyw**ker

From that I'm unsure who you're having a go at.

Brian M mate.

Ah ok. Nights like tonight tend to bring my paranoia rushing to the surface.

Ah ok. Nights like tonight tend to bring my paranoia rushing to the surface.

It doesn't have a long journey, then? ;)

It doesn't have a long journey, then? ;)

Not on a night like tonight....

Oh ok, especially not on a night like tonight!

Ah ok. Nights like tonight tend to bring my paranoia rushing to the surface.

Have you ever watched a game of rugby? Well you know when they have a scrum? They're talking about you ;)

The initial awe-struck wow this is amazing phase.

Definitely me. I'm yet to go to an away game yet, and have only been to the Bridge 4 times, and seen Chelsea 5 times (2007 Carling Cup Final + 4 Home League games), so I'm still learning. But I should go to more and more through my Uni days and after that...hopefully to become a season ticket holder at some point. ;)

Have you ever watched a game of rugby? Well you know when they have a scrum? They're talking about you ;)

Ha! I knew it. Those bleedin' Hooray Henry's are still after us for ...

(but that's another story)

Ha! I knew it. Those bleedin' Hooray Henry's are still after us for ...

(but that's another story)

Go on......tell us.........you know you want to.............

Go on......tell us.........you know you want to.............

Well there was this time when we ...

and then we ...

but they were ...

and so we ...

and then they ...

so we really had no choice but to ...

but those sneaky f**kers they ...

and so naturally we...

and that was the end of that.

More or less.

Exact same thing happened to me.

Happens all the time.

And Ruh Buh Juh, sadly (or not) the demand for absolute nutters at Premier League matches seems to have dwindled away over the last decade or so... not to worry though, win some, lose some - it's always the way!

I've yet to come out of The initial awe-struck wow this is amazing phase :) The fact that I only come over for a match about twice a season (or 3 if I'm very lucky and flush) might be to blame for that. A touch of The drunken bloody lunatic phase may accompany this first phase during piss-ups, although I hide it very well :D

And I fear I have been in the female equivalent of the Grumpy Old Man Stage since birth, but that is not really Chelsea-related.

Fantastic dissection of Chelsea life, Lofty!