just

OK then. Here's Brian in action in the Superstars Champions Challenge. [youtube:4kfgde4a] [/youtube:4kfgde4a]

.............. at Tottenham. I don't know about the wheels on the bus go round and round. More like the wheels on the bus come falling off! Only three weeks ago, everytime you turned on a radio and listened to a phone-in, it was yet another Sperts fan, fresh out of the woodwork, saying how Ramos was the man, Tottenham are back, we're gonna do this and that, we're a massive club etc. etc. Everything in the garden was rosy. Well a big lump of horse manure has landed on the garden since then, with their season over before Easter and only their customary mid-table obscurity to play for. And it'll get worse next Wednesday when we have our yearly training session at the Lane. Love it.

You think he was serious with that "give yourself a medal" post ? Gulp! I'm 100% certain Brian was being serious Val. But we'd better not upset him any further seeing as he represented the State at Tae Kwon Do. And we couldn't even run away. He set state records for the 100 and 200 metres, so he'd definately catch us.

Same for me Midland, Blackburn was a great game and sticks in the memory. His highlight for me though has to his hat-trick in the 6-1 massacre at The Lane. I couldn't get a ticket for that one and watched it via beamback in Dixons bar at the Bridge. The place was absolutely rammed and the place went mental as we rattled in goal after goal. Top day and a top player with bags of skill for a tall fella.

Your self-aggrandizement and inflated ego are further issues that we are going to have to deal with in your therapy sessions.

I think I've got the winner folks......................... Tottenham are a big club?

Ah now. Very interesting indeed. We've observed this behaviour in previous sessions. Your customary attempt to steer the discussion away from the crux of the issue, by using some inane witicism, could be seen as a regression in your thinking. A backward step. Many other football psychoanalyists would conclude it's symptomatic of fear. A deep seated fear of facing up to an event, or a fact, which you have denied even existed for a very longtime. Others would argue it's a hybrid form of anxiety disorder. In this scenario the patient feels anxiety at having to admit to being wrong or contradictory, and equating that with a deep sense of personal failure. I understand the underlying issues you are struggling with Brian and I am here to help you find the answers. But our time is up for today. In our next session we will explore your childhood and the reasons why you were always picked last in the playground football matches.

Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink was a great footballer? Veron was a complete flop in the EPL because of team formations? Mourinho is an enemy of football?

Yes, in the past you have been perfectly clear. But in the past it's all been about goals for you and absolutely nothing else! However, I'm now noticing a subtle change in your direction, and I must say it's a positive step forward Brian. After all this time I feel we're finally making some real progress here in steering you away from looking only at a forwards goal tally as the sole measure of their quality and ability. So, let me just check that I've got what you're saying clearly. You're saying: 1. Goals aren't necessarily the only yardstick of a great forward. 2. A player doesn't necessarily have to be a prolific goal-scorer to be judged a great forward. 3. But goals are the most important factor in being judged as a great forward/striker. Now, I fully 100% concur with you on points 1 & 2. I'm even part of the way with you on point 3. Of course goals are important and all great forwards/strikers have to chip in with a reasonable goal return. But, where we part company is in your belief that it is always the most important factor. It isn't. And the examples of Zola and Hughsie illustrate that point better than my words ever could.

Oh dear, no reply from Brian to my last post. But no. Nothing. Just wind and tumbleweed. Can't say I'm suprised. I've been trying to get a definitive answer from him on this for years.

My memory must be going. Either that or your changing your yardsticks again! Only a couple of weeks ago someone said: "you have a myopic inability to judge strikers on their goals (what they're bought to do)" And when I replied, (when I mentioned how Zola, Guddy, Hughsie etc. couldn't possibly be in your list of top 5 strikers because they didn't score shed loads of goals, which is now, apparently, the yardstick of every great striker!), I could've sworn that you said it wasn't just about goals but about assists as well. Alright, you put the assists bit in brackets, kinda looked like an afterthought, but it was definately in there. So once for and all. What, in your opnion, is the yardstick of a great striker? Goals? Assists? A Mixture of both? Or both plus even more? If it's goals and/or assists then goal count alone isn't the only yardstick is it? Because if it was, you'd always pick players like Jimmy and Kezman in front of players like Zola and Hughsie, and that would be plain silly wouldn't it?

Well you were once! Remember Mr Kezman Brian? You rather liked Mr Kezman. Or as you preferred to call him at the time............ Batman. I trust you remember that I didn't think much of him though. Didn't score enough goals you see. That and he was crap.

Same here ES. I'd bet my mortgage neither is actually "injured".

Sorry Jim, as it appears my initial post flown right over your head I'd better insert this

I watched it with quite a few other Chelsea lads. Of course all were well pissed off with the result and the performance, but every single one of them, without exception, said Joe had a good game and was our best, (only), player.

Yes but Wenger has a history of winning things with the club, (Le Arse won the double in his first full season in charge - 97/98), and has proved himself a great manager over a very long period. That's why the fans and the players believe in him.

Let's stay positive. The upside of our cup final defeat and getting knocked out by Barnsley........ We've got our Chelsea back. Alright, we may not have getting in for £1.50p, the terraces, the benches, panda pops at half-time, pissing up against the back of the North Stand etc. but we're definately going in the right direction with the football. Just like in the Ranieri era you never know what you're going to get now. Murder Wet Spam one week. Lose to Barnsley the next. Soon to follow is the media liking us once again, every rival fan having Chelsea as their 2nd team and talk of player revolts in the dressing room. No doubt it's exciting in it's own way, though probably not the kind of excitement Roman and Kenyon were looking for when they gave Jose the old heave ho.

Still means that we have picked up 5 points out of a possible 9 at their place Murdo. And I take it you are including the game where we lost to Graham Poll and not Tottenham ?

That all counts for nothing just. They've managed to score more goals @ home in the prem than us, Manure and Arse so far this season (March). Did you use hypnosis to forget that final ? And they've also conceded more goals at home than any other PL teams except for Newcastle, Fulham and Derby!! To be honest Coco I don't think the Carling Cup will have any bearing on the upcoming game. The final was a combination of them, (players and fans), being 500% up for it, some of our boys not looking that bothered and Avram cocking up the tactics and formation. Also, they've not exactly set the world alight in the short time since then and, if PSV can finish the job and knock them out of the UEFA cup next week, their season will effectively be over with only their usual mid-table obscurity to play for. On March the 19th I expect normal service to be resumed.

See above for another complete and utter fabrication from the odd mind of Brian M.

Probably just as well for Chelsea that Jimmy threw away all 347 volumes and instead opted for the, 'Ignore Just's drunken ramblings and just score a sh*t load of goals' school of football excellence, like all the great strikers before and after him. Bri I am afraid you won't be to follow mine and Pauly's text-books. Way too advanced for a beginner. You need to learn the basics first. Here's something to start you off.

Not really. You're more than enough. I'd just like to go on record and say I don't agree with this sexist, and somewhat misogynistic statement. Football may be a 'man's game' so far as playing goes. But it's a game for everyone (men, women, kids) so far as watching it goes. And while a stadium filled with families may not make for the best atmosphere, it's sure as hell better than the mostly male, tribal, and violent past the club had in the 70s and 80s. Football is entertainment. And like all entertainment, it should be enjoyed by everyone in a safe and un-stressed environment. Besides which, we all know that everybody listens to their mums. And if the 'mum' in a family is a Chelsea fan, then you can be damn sure the next generation of the family will be Chelsea fans too!* *see Kenyon's 'Manifesto for World Domination', chapter 17, paragraphs 3-7... Thought I'd put my full comment in your quote Brian, as you left the second part of it out. I don't mind sitting next to females at a football match, I just pray I never have to sit next to you.

Interesting comment from the gooner on there. I daresay many other rival fans will be feeling the same at the minute. Hope I'm wrong, but it could be another outbreak of Raneritis all over again.

Coco, why is sh*te Fart Lane, (after all these years), suddenly a tough game?

Not really. You're more than enough.