Had to say no

[clubhappy]

Theres certain things in life i refuse to do . Support another team, dance to S.Club 7, wear a stripey shirt or jumper, kiss Gail Platt for a bet , watch reality TV , or sleep with another man . Ok the lsat bit wasnt meant to be a slur on the gay community , just me being me ok. Lets clear that up .

Anyway , i got a call tonight from a guy ive looked after in the past . We have a fantastic working relationship over the years and trust is very much common place . Ive always told him , call me anytime for anything , i'll always look after you .

It turns out , he wants me , only me, to organise and run a BIG party night at the end of May in his bar . Absolutely was my reaction . When is it ? ''Wednesday 23rd May '' Alarm bells straight away . I asked him what the party was for . I fell to the floor when he told me .

Yes , you guessed right . He wants a big C.L , Final party in his bar , starting at 3 pm , with a build up , free cocktails , bar food etc etc , then the match . The location would no doubt attract 100's of scum fans dressed to the nines in red . It will be an all day/night affair .

Jesus , what the hell do i say to him , how do i tell him im not prepared to sit in a bar for 8 hours surrouned by that filth chanting the worlds worst football song , throwing up everywhere and talking about their history .

Im sorry , but theres no amount of money or free sex that would convince me to lower myself to a level from which id never recover . Absolutely not a hope in hell .

Anyway , i'll ring him tomorrow and tell him to book Stan Boradman.

[Maksimov]

Does he know you're a Chelsea fan?

[Guest Brian M]

I don't know...there'd be a lot of top notch tottie there mate...

(just for the love of all things holy, make them take off the Gerard shirt BEFORE you get started...)

[bonetti]

What a great opportunity to double the price of everything, dish up salmonella sandwiches, water down the beer, lose the TV signal and fill the place up with Italians and Mankers

[andy]

....and if they get thumped by Milan.. it will be a top laugh !

[Lofty]

I'm with clubhappy on this. It's one to be avoided like the plague.

[Elliott]

What a great opportunity to double the price of everything, dish up salmonella sandwiches, water down the beer, lose the TV signal and fill the place up with Italians and Mankers

Brilliant stuff.

[BlueBeard]

What a great opportunity to double the price of everything, dish up salmonella sandwiches, water down the beer, lose the TV signal and fill the place up with Italians and Mankers

Bonetti, you're clearly thinking exactly the same way as me!

[Maksimov]

Would there be any way to get the bar to show the game with Italian commentary?

[clubhappy]

Couldnt do it , sorry , not with them . Any other fans maybe , i could maybe , just maybe handle UTD fans at a push but the thought even being in the same location as that dirt fills me with horror . Id sooner forefit the money , f**k it , i know its my profession but i draw the line with that bunch of vermon . Prefer to have all my teeth pulled out by a nazi doctor .

[bonetti]

Couldnt do it , sorry , not with them . Any other fans maybe , i could maybe , just maybe handle UTD fans at a push but the thought even being in the same location as that dirt fills me with horror . Id sooner forefit the money , f**k it , i know its my profession but i draw the line with that bunch of vermon . Prefer to have all my teeth pulled out by a nazi doctor .

Not even the pleasure of seeing them choke?

[Maksimov]

Not even the pleasure of seeing them choke?

But what if they win?

[bonetti]

Not even the pleasure of seeing them choke?

But what if they win?

I was talking about the Sandwiches (and the prices)

The game - what a f**king bonus that would be

[clubhappy]

Even if they do lose , id still be surrounded by them and i couldnt bear the thought of them chanting the pile of sh*te ''YNWA''.

Losing the tv signal , well , thats easily done .

[Mod]

I don't know...there'd be a lot of top notch tottie there mate...

Brians right, high profile party, could attract attention from Scouse celeb guests?

Could be..

or could be..

[BLUENUT]

You could have a laurra, laurra laaffs

[mad_mac]

would have been great if you had played "Blue is the Colour" at the end if AC milan won!!