I've been playing in goal for a 5 a side team in our works league having been persuaded to bring my GK gloves out of retirement by a load of young whippersnappers who lost their first two games of the season. We went on to win the next 10 games on the bounce very comfortably putting us at the top of the table. Unfortunately in that 10th game I got crocked effectively putting me out of the last two games of the season. They lost the next game however I've just learnt that the third placed team have lost tonight which means we are now officially promoted as they cannot now catch us up on points.

Why am I sharing this with you? Well I feel pretty damned proud that a bunch of 20 - 25 year olds felt they could put their trust me considering I am over twice the age of most of them and I'm even more proud that I was able to do the job for them. The leg injury has convinced me to finally hang up the gloves for good but I'll tell you what, it's a great feeling knowing I've bowed out of the game as part of a winning team that in the games I played produced a record showing P 10 W 10 D 0 L 0 F 213 (yes that's right, 213!!) A 41

And of course we played in blue as well

Are you Brian in disguise?

Arrrrre you Brrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnn in disguise?

Are you Brian in disguise?

Arrrrre you Brrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnn in disguise?

No and I can prove it - I wasn't captain!!

Over 4 goals a game conceded. It's lucky you had a good forward line.

Of the 41 conceded 12 were offside, 9 were lucky deflections, 3 never crossed the line, 6 were dubious penalties and the remaiing 11 were scored whilst Geezer was receiving treatment for a hip replacement.

What does the F 213 mean? Is that a difference between goals for and goals against in those ten games? It seems way too high a number for that, though.

Nah, on five a side you can definitely score a lot of goals per game, which is why geezer's against 41 is very impressive, nice one man :)

What does the F 213 mean? Is that a difference between goals for and goals against in those ten games? It seems way too high a number for that, though.

It means we scored 213 goals. The games are payed non-stop for an hour, 30 minutes each way on a 5-a-side pitch the size of which equates to one half of a full size pitch in length and about half the width hence the high volume of goals. It's not uncommon to have both teams score in excess of 20 goals each in the same game which is why I'm pretty damned proud of restricting the opposition to 41 goals over 10 games. The most I let in was 9 in one game against the 2nd placed team but fortunately we scored 11. That was a very good game especially as they had two semi pro players in their team.

As for the hip replacement comment from Loz, the ironic thing about that is that I was actually lying prostrate on the ground clutching my leg in my last game when the bar stewards chipped me for their 4th goal in the dying seconds of the game. I would have been really pissed off if we hadn't already scored 36 goals ourselves

If it hadn't been for Carlo, Geezer, you would have been my number 1 keeper

If it hadn't been for Carlo, Geezer, you would have been my number 1 keeper

Can't ask for higher praise than that. Main difference bewteen me and Carlo is that flattery will get you everywhere in my case. Oh yes and another difference is maybe he gets a few more quid in his wage packet. Okay, okay, he's also a damned sight better looking than me.

But apart from that, you're indistinguishable