Apparently we have sounded out Citeh about a swop deal, Torres plus £20 million for the rampant gola miester and assist gola maker, Sergio Kun Aguero.

Heard it tonight from a very reliable source in the Duck & Ferret.

Fat Tony is a third cousin twice removed to David "Cake Shop" Platt and he said Aguero is already in talks with us over personal terms and that after completely cocking up the Aguero transfer previously Roman is uber keen to get the deal done ASAP.

Get a tenner on it people Fat Tony is rarely wrong.

Mine earlier about a mate who did some IT work for the management agency that Hazard uses was better.

I heard a Hazard was seen at Cobham today, though further reports suggest it was just Bosingwa having crossing practise

Yes, surely, because City needs money and wants to get rid of it's best players. :D

Sarcasm and Irony obviously lost on some. Unless that smiley I can't see is making me look a tit here?

Sarcasm and Irony obviously lost on some. Unless that smiley I can't see is making me look a tit here?

Perish the thought! O wad some power the giftie gie us tae see oorsels as ithers see us!

Just had a text from Flat Foot Frank the limping postman, (Fat Tony's best mate), updating me on progress.

Apparently Torres has personally spoken to Aguero and told him to get a clause written into his contract stating that all players have to pass to him including Malouda.

Just had a text from Flat Foot Frank the limping postman, (Fat Tony's best mate), updating me on progress.

Apparently Torres has personally spoken to Aguero and told him to get a clause written into his contract stating that all players have to pass to him including Malouda.

But my sources close to the deal tell me that Malouda will continue not passing to Torres at City too. He's a part of a very complicated deal involving Heisenberg's uncertainty principle and the String theory.

But Star's friend has not spoken yet...

I heard a Hazard was seen at Cobham today, though further reports suggest it was just Bosingwa having crossing practise

I saw Micky Hazard in his taxi in Sutton, perhaps it was him...

Chelsea have released a statement categorically denying they are trying to lure Aguero from Manchester City ..

"Until such time as Aguero is over the hill, has been debilitated by injury and has lost a yard of pace, Chelsea Football Club will not be interested in smashing the British transfer record for him."

That puts that one to bed.

I actually read "just" as "star" and believed this thread was genuine for the first few sentences.

Perish the thought! O wad some power the giftie gie us tae see oorsels as ithers see us!

Can we please stick to English!