Dear Mr Gourlay,

 

I am writing to apply for the soon to be vacant managers position at Chelsea FC.

 

As an employee you will find I am punctual, very hard working and my attention to detail is extremely thorough. 

 

Whilst I have no real experience in managing a football team, it's clear to me that the constant changing of managers at Chelsea FC, always going for a big name and then discarding them a season or two down the line, is simply not working. I'm sure you agree drastic changes are required if the club is not to free-fall into mediocrity. And as a supporter of Chelsea FC, who has watched every match the club has played for the last 10+ years, I feel I am in a position where I know the team, the players - strengths and weaknesses - very well.

 

If you were to appoint me as manager I would address the following issues immediately:

 

- Defence would go back to basics to stop the unnecessary conceding of goals. We would work hard on set pieces and high balls into the box, focusing heavily on marking our men tightly and ensuring they do not get any space with which to punish us

 

- Attacking-wise we would use much more width, rather than trying to pass our way through the centre of the pitch slowly in every attack. This would open us up to being able to play a much better counter-attacking game, breaking with pace down the wings and delivering balls into the box

 

In the long term I would begin to introduce many of the quality youth players we have at the club into the first team, integrating them in slowly alongside experienced players. Youngsters such as Chalobah, McEachran, Piazon, De Bruyne, Lukaku, etc... all have the ability to play for the club, if given the opportunity and the self-confidence to do so.

 

If given the opportunity, I would set forth a 3-year plan, in which the goals would be:

 

- The introduction of at least 3 members of the youth team into the first team

- Increasing defensive solidity and reducing the number of goals conceded each season

- Integrating a new system of play into the mindset of the team - one which uses width, counter attacks and controlled possession

- At least 1 PL trophy, along with at least 1 domestic trophy and 1 european trophy within 4-5 years

 

The fans of Chelsea FC deserve someone who respects and loves the club to be involved, as they currently feel like they have no voice. As such I hope you consider this application.

 

Looking forward to hearing from you,

 

Zeta Orionis (The one with the Bellsprout avatar)

 

 

All in favour, say "I"

Anyone but Rafa.

There's nothing about keeping Lampard!

There's nothing about keeping Lampard!

 

It would be one of the first things I bring up upon appointment, once I've completed my one-to-one talks with all members of the squad, outlining what I expect of them and their targets for the remainder of the season.

but what will you do with our number 9?

I will highly recommend to the board that he is either sold or used in a deal for Falcao in the summer.

Perhaps the most important question: Will Eva stay?

She is part of my plans yes

When things inevitably turn a bit sour around November time, what kind of excuses do you plan to use?

I will take full responsibility for any poor runs of form and shift the focus away from the players allowing them to focus on winning games

Whilst I have no real experience in managing a football team, it's clear to me that the constant changing of managers at Chelsea FC, always going for a big name and then discarding them a season or two down the line, is simply not working.

The only flaw is that the current modus operandi is working. As a club we have been through our most successful years as a club in the recent past. We have won domestic cups, League titles and of course big ears, plus signed some of the most sought after up and coming young players in world football.....

 

Whilst we are in a rough patch with a rough interim in charge, the bigge picture shows that the way the club is being run has bought success..... 

But how much more success would we have had ir wed stuck with jose or carlo for the long term?

But how much more success would we have had ir wed stuck with jose or carlo for the long term?

Who Knows.....maybe a lot more, maybe none at all?   Who knows how much more success Arsenal or Man utd could have had if they had fired Arsene or Fergie? the bottom line is that to say  the boards/Romans methods is not working is simply not true.There are loads of examples to counter the argumnet that stability breeds success. like i have said in antoher post, it is an ideal, a dream to have a manager we all love in the managers seat for the long haul, but it is not a necessity.

 

Managerial stabilty has helped Man Utd have success over the last few years

Managerial stabilty has not helped Arsenal have any success over the last few years.

 

Managerial Instability has helped us to have success over the last few years

Managerial instability has not helped tottenham have success over the last few years.

 

Both long term plans and Hire em/Fire em methods have proven to have worked in the past, but to me , it seems that the clubs current policy has been ahuge success. I would even bet that it led directly to us winning the champions league last year, because if Roman had kept faith in AVB , i dont think we would have won

Zeta, I would like to know if you're a tracksuit coach or whether you will turn up suited and booted?

 

If so, who's your favourite designer?

A good question.

 

For training obviously I will wear the standard tracksuit provided with the club, with "ZO" and a small picture of Bellsprout on it.

 

For match days my usual attire would be a grey suit with a black shirt and bright blue tie, over which I wear a long-ish brown coat. I also wear trainers since the pitch is often very wet and muddy and it's easier to run up and down the touchline in trainers.

Edited January 31, 201313 yr by Zeta Orionis

Smart casual. I like it.

A good question.

 

For training obviously I will wear the standard tracksuit provided with the club, with "ZO" and a small picture of Bellsprout on it.

 

For match days my usual attire would be a grey suit with a black shirt and bright blue tie, over which I wear a long-ish brown coat. I also wear trainers since the pitch is often very wet and muddy and it's easier to run up and down the touchline in trainers.

 

Why Bellsprout? Any reason in particular? 

By utilising random quirks such as that, it will hopefully act as a distraction for the media to wonder why I do it, so that they spend a little less time criticising the club and players like usual

If you're after something to distract the media from your poor performances as manager, I hear that getting a player to kick a ballboy works quite well...

  How would you handle the influence John Terry and Frank Lampard have on the team?

 

  I'd expect you to remain as objective as possible and keep your personal feelings to yourself.

 

  By that I mean don't p--s off Roman by referring to our club as Chelski.

 

  When Roman unceremonously boots you out the door I'd expect you as a  True Blue to turn down the Inevitable compensation offered you.

 

  By the way, did you know that our next manager will be David Moyes?

JT and SFL would be important members of the dressing room. They have tonnes of experience and know the club inside out, it would be very important to keep them onside. I would be happy to hear their opinions and views on matters which concern them, but obviously the final decisions would be mine. I would expect them to to also act as mentors to our up and coming youth prospects.

 

If Roman were to sack me at any point, I would of course be disappointed, but I would always be open to any other role the club required of me. I would of course always stick up for the club if given any media assignments, and if my managerial career was over for the time being, my next goal would be to oust Craig Burley as a co-commentator and bring a more balanced set of views to Chelsea matches.

 

I did not know that.

I'm still available FYI...