Posted July 20, 200717 yr For some reason one of the lines in our office is very similar to the Scum Utd membership number and we often get calls to the wrong number. So the other day one of my guys gets an irate call about a missing membership and the bloke starts ranting before he can be told he has the wrong number. As it was a bit quiet I told him to put the call through to me and had the following conversation: S*um Utd Fan : Where is my membership I need to book tickets Moi : I am very sorry about this can I just check your address in our system S*um Utd Fan : I live at 32 ******** ******** , Guilford , Surrey Moi : Can I just check the post code in Guilford ( if it really is Guilford mate you have just opened the door to the mother of windups ) S*um Utd Fan : GU** **** Moi : Ah yes I can see your details now . I am very sorry but it appears your membership information has not been dispatched. I realize this is not good enough but let me see what we can do to get this resolved. S*um Utd Fan : Rant using words incompetent , aggravation, no way to treat supporters etc?????.. Moi : I apologize again for the error but think I may have a way of making it up to you . We as a club can?t be seen to give anything away but would you are able to answer a couple of questions and then I can put you down as a prize winner and offer you some form of compensation. S*um Utd Fan : Look I don?t want a f**kin teddy bear (keep swearing sweetheart the prize just gets better for every swear word ) Moi : I can assure you it will be worth winning this prize S*um Utd Fan : Like what a f**kin pen or something ( mate you didn?t want to say that ) Moi : No it won?t be a pen .Let me ask you a few questions and I will reveal your prize after each answer . I will point out the calls are recorded so I will have to take your first answer each time is that okay ? S*um Utd Fan : Oh for f*cks sake ask me the bl**dy questions then ( this is gonna hurt sunshine 2 more swear words) Moi : Okay you ready ? Remember I can only accept your first answer and I will reveal the prize at the end of each question. S*um Utd Fan : Yes get on with it Moi : What is the name of Manchester United home ground. S*um Utd Fan : Are you serious ? Moi : Yes S*um Utd Fan : Old Trafford Moi : That is the correct answer I can now reveal your first prize . You have just won 2 complementary tickets for the Liverpool home game this season ! S*um Utd Fan : What ? really ? 2 tickets to Liverpool at home ?? Moi : Yes you have 2 complementary tickets for Liverpool at home told you it would be worth it . You ready for the next question ? S*um Utd Fan : You bet Moi : Can you name the Manchester United Manager S*um Utd Fan : Sir Alex Ferguson Moi : Well done ! That is the correct answer are you ready for your prize ? S*um Utd Fan : Yes can?t wait Moi : You have just won a days training with the first team for you and a guest ! You will get to meet all the players , tour the training complex and have lunch with Sir Alex and all the back room staff . S*um Utd Fan : Your joking ? really ? for me and a guest no way . Moi : This is all on the level I can assure you . As I said the call is recorded so you can ask to have the details checked and verified at any time by us . You are speaking to the Manchester United supporters club I don?t have to tell you why we are the best club in the world . S*um Utd Fan : Your not wrong ! This is unbelievable ! It?s just incredible . Moi : What we will do is confirm all your prizes in writing to your home address you should get this in the next few days will that be okay ? S*um Utd Fan : Excellent this is fantastic . I can?t wait to tell everyone !! I will let you all know if he ever calls back
July 20, 200717 yr Excellent . Your going straight to hell TBB . You should send him dvd of Chelsea championship winng season 05/06 .
July 20, 200717 yr Were you out of order? Heeeeeeeeellll no! He got what he deserved and that's saying something since he's a stinkin ManU supporter. Send him a Chelsea teddybear holding a celery with a note saying "your mother blows City-c*ck" Since it's aimed at a ManU supporter (a rude one too) this shouldn't offend anyone here I'm impressed by people who can keep a cool head like that and just play along. I myself would probably have vomited upon hearing he's a ManU supporter and then gone on calling him God knows what. I'm more of a hot head. I'm more of a swede
July 20, 200717 yr Good work Tear Bar Boy!! You made this world better. Yeah, for one person and just for few days, but you made the world better. What a good man you are. The real representative of a mankind.
July 20, 200717 yr Crazy! I wish I was in a position to be that useful to humanity! Thanks TBB; you deserve a knighthood!
July 20, 200717 yr The greatest wind up and post - EVER! You Mr. Singer sir have gone into absolute legendary status!! Me and Stacy have been crying with laughter for ages after reading that. I ain't getting to sleep now cos I'll be thinking of that prat having spent all day phoning all his mates bragging. I wish I could be a fly on the wall when he rings the right number to ask when he'll be getting his 'prizes'. CLASSIC.
July 20, 200717 yr Kenn is like the Candyman - say his name five times in a row and he rises out of nowhere. Those of you who didn't want him back can blame Brian M!!!
July 20, 200717 yr :) Kenn is like the Candyman - say his name five times in a row and he rises out of nowhere. Those of you who didn't want him back can blame Brian M!!! Voyeur! Voyeur!
July 20, 200717 yr Loz, look on the up-side, mate. At least we won't have to read the inane prattle of Jose's Melons any more! And if nothing else, you've decided Kenn's new avatar for him... PS: TBB - nice work indeed! But I think you need to cap it off by mailing him a letter explaining that his prizes have been forfeit as it has been discovered that he supports a sh*te team. And possibly inclose a pic of you and a few of your mates mooning the camera with the letters: C H E L S E A written on your butt cheeks!
July 20, 200717 yr Loz, look on the up-side, mate. At least we won't have to read the inane prattle of Jose's Melons any more! PS: TBB - nice work indeed! But I think you need to cap it off by mailing him a letter explaining that his prizes have been forfeit as it has been discovered that he supports a sh*te team. And possibly inclose a pic of you and a few of your mates mooning the camera with the letters: C H E L S E A written on your butt cheeks! ©(H) (E)(L) (S)(E) Who will have the remaining letter? I wouldn't want the A on my hole Find someone with a huge "you know what" to paint it on so the A might hang beneath the S and E
July 21, 200717 yr Out of order? No chance. Cockney Reds (and for the purposes of this argument Guildford is Cockney enough thankyou very much, as is anywhere south of Watford) are and always will be the scum of the earth and deserve all the crap they get. Horrible excuses for human beings every single one of them, the lowest of the low, even worse than Scousers, who at least have the excuse of having being born in the God forsaken dump. I will let you all know if he ever calls back Should be fun if he does. Touch wood the twat will top himself. R.I.P. in pieces Cockney Reds everywhere.
July 21, 200717 yr Total admiration TBB! Personally, even with the strictest of discipline, I could not have got past his answer to the question - what is the name of Manchester United?s home ground. There is no way in the world that I could have followed his 'Old Trafford' up with a serious ?that is the correct answer? before letting him know his first prize! Absolutely priceless!!! There must have been a time when you came close to cracking up, or was he really that nauseating it made it easy for you?
July 21, 200717 yr Let's hope there's another postal strike to stretch out the guys expectations a little longer
