alan'82

Don't blame yourself Gary as most people don't remember much about West Ham!,thanks for your help by the way.

Cheers for that Scooby, much appreciated .

Honestly,hindsight is a wonderfull thing! .

Sorry mate,but i've no idea how you show youtube links & such like, But Paulo De Canio's goal for the pikeys in 2000 against Wimbledon is one of my favourites. I believe it won goal of the season that year & to be honest,the blokes a total nut job,but sh*t,that's some goal.

For some reason or other, Andre has choosen to take a sabatical in Spain for the rest of the winter,& by some incredible turn of events,you find yourself the Chelsea manager for the rest of the season. You've only just sat down for the first time in the managers office at Cobham when the phone rings..... It's Roman calling from his mega yacht, moored in the Med drinking a cocktail while surrounded by scores of gorgeous women,(the shear hell of it makes you want to weep). He demands to know the answers to the following questions & as you are 100% in charge,it's your job to come up with the answers......... 1.What will be your team to face QPR at the weekend?,what will be you're tactics,will you play Cahill & J.T. or Bertrand & give Cole a rest?,what's the formation. 2.Are you happy with how the team play in general,the formation & tactics,the set peices & so on,if not,what would you do in training to change it?. 3.What's you solution to the Torres question?. 4.You can have one new assistant to help you if you want,who will it be?. 5.He'll give you 20-30 mill for a new player/players,who do you want most?. 6.Is there anything else you want to do the job?. 7.A no bullsh*t answer to where we will finish in the Premier League,F.A. cup & (coughs) the Champions League. Try not to cock this up as it's your only chance & failure is not an option,just look at where big Phil 'hackman' Scolari ended up!. Success,& it's 'Blue is the Colour,' jack danels all round & all aboard his Med based loveboat!.

Very recently, I found up in the loft, the first ever pc I ever brought. Langushing under an old carpet,in front of my eyes,was a Escom (remember them?) mini-tower. I kinda knew it was there somewhere,but when i think about how much it cost (for it's spec's),to what you can buy today for the same amount of cash,I try very hard to forget about it!(fneck sake!). Purchased in '94 so I could learn more about spreadsheets & dos (is boss) & nothing whatsoever to do with Quake,Duke Nukem,Dark Forces & FiFA 94,this lump of plastic cost £1600!. Pentium 100mhz proccessor,1 gb hard drive,Matrox 4mb graphic card,soundblaster sound card & 8mb of ram which cost an extra £200 to double to 16!. A 14" svga monitor that weighed 40 pounds,took half an hour to come on & went a strangely brown colour after 6 months completed the package. It stayed that way until upgrades such as the voddoo graphic accelerater card transformed the visuals (at huge cost,obviously) & a 56kbps modem (plus Pipex) allowed me online in/around '97. Of course,it was a dinosaur 12 months later & so begain many (mostly stressfull) attempts at upgrades to its components . Now?,I just hate the fecking things but,the question is....what was you're first pc....... (come on,own up).

Best wishes Bobby to you & family,look at Paul Scholes,it's never to late for a comeback!.

You've got a nerve Phil implying my missus is ugly as sin,'facially challenging' is the way i'd put it...... 'Tis fact that she has 'movie star' looks,it's just a shame that the movie star is Borat.

Yep, I think revealing their 'danglies' might make a difference,but,it's a horrible thought though!. Regarding the independece vote,If the scots think that that's the best way forward then go ahead by all means. Personally,I think its a case of all together or f*ck it & look after number one. I'd prefer the former,but,i'd put up with the later. It sometimes amazes me that folks in Scotland, (or else where), think the streets of London are paved with gold. In a previous life, I worked for a leading breakdown firm,(3 letters,orange vans) & some of the worst poverty I've ever seen, (gangs,drugs etc) was within 1/2 mile from Canary Wharf!.

Honestly,trust a WOMAN to sink to such a low level!.

Well done,that made me laugh out loud.And I thought I was a cynic!. Thing is though, you're right & the sooner Torres realises that his career at Chelsea is a new challenge, the better. Forget what's gone before Fernando,pull you finger out,try to keep onside & ffs,practise penalties!.

While out at the local supermarket the other day with 'my little treasure' ,(I call her that because people keep asking me where I dug her up), I bumped into a long lost old workmate. In truth,I tried to avoid him by hideing behind the discount toilet roll mountain,but he still spotted me anyhow. An unusal chap,with 'morning beer breath' that could melt glass,(not me, him),but, stopping for a chat was still better than the usual tossco's borefest. After the usual guff,the topic soon turned to football,(he's a Southend fan,the pier I think,not the football club) & some of his ideas to 'shake up' the game. Well,this is a summary of his/my ideas: 1. To shake up the League cup,bring in Scottish clubs from the Jock Premier League & maybe if (they supply enough Guinness),the Irish one.The comp needs a lift. 2.Make the youth players clean the boots/changing rooms like they did in 'the good old days'.In return,for players 18 years or over,make it a legal part of their contract that they MUST feature in a least 10 league games a season.That might shake things up a bit in academys across the land. 3.Subs time wasting?,don't stop the game at all,teams can only make a sub when the ball is in their final third of the pitch (i.e. with the keeper),the new player can't touch the ball until the subbed player is off the pitch,(if he does,then it's a yellow card.) Make the third official do something usefull for a change. Mind you,he also said that in league games that are 0-0 after 85mins,the managers should be made to remove the goalkeepers!. Maybe I should have ducked down a bit more!.

I was at that game against spuds in '84 (just behind the goal) & that was without doubt, one of the most hatefull atmospheres I've ever witnessed. You can tell a lot by having a good look at the picture & see the amount of plod around the pitch, even though there are large fences in place!. Mind you,what else do you expect from the spuds scumsters.

Character's like David's have always found a good home at Stamford Bridge. Maybe it's a throwback to the 'Kings Road' days of Ossie & co, but players like him & Chelsea F.C. have always appeared to be a 'good fit' for each other it seams to me. Question is,now Cahill has arrived (& a warm welcome to him), what will his future be?. I hope Andre will stick with him & work at his defensive weaknesses because, firstly,he's only been here 5 minutes (& it takes time to adapt) & secondly,this lad HAS the all natural talents to be a truly great player. Thing is,if he was signed as a CB & plays that role for the Brazilian national side,how easy will it be to play him in a different role?. Will trying to change him into a fullback or defensive midfielder only be achievable if the top brass in Brazil agree?. Maybe patience is the key & more time learning the ropes from J.T. is the answer?.

Man City maybe having a bit of a wobble Davey, but they still look in a pretty strong postion for the title. The main aim for me this season was for Andre to get his feet under the table and set to work re-forming the squad with his own ideals. I can't help thinking at the moment, for a clever guy, he sure is making heavy weather of the job. I don't like the term 'transition' because it implies bad as well as good!,for me 'change' is a better term. Change is always going to be difficult and require patience,but it doesn't have to mean complancency. Mistakes being made, fine,no worries,it's how you learn. However,his comment's after the Villa defeat that the title was 'virtuly impossible' (with only 19 games played!),is absolutely unacceptable for a manager of Chelsea Football Club. Lamp's comment's after the Wolves match that we were still mathmatically in the title race & that this is the aim for the club & ALWAYS should be,smacked like a re-buff to AVB's comment's the previous week. Thing is,if the manager doesn't belive,then how can the team?. Glad to say that todays press statements sounded a bit more positive & controlled. But, (IMO only),if he starts with the negative sh*t again,then he knows where the door is................thanks & shut it on your way out.

Batesy was a bit of a rogue & denined any wrong doing and anyone without 3 sworn witness statements would face the wrath of one of his lawyers he kept on speed dial!. Thing is,without front teeth Burley was unable to eat solid food & as a result,his conditioning (& therefore, matchday performance) suffered accordingly. Unfortunatly the fresh, 3 year contract the club were about to offer Craig was withdrawn shortly after & he soon fell out of favour. He left the club soon after & about the same time there was a high amount of reports from staff of stolen toilet seats from the clubs property!. But without any proof who was responsible,the club was left with nothing to go on. A tragic,tragic story really.

I always thought the problem with Burley & Chelsea started when Ken Bates 'practical joke' of flushing (Craigs) false front teeth down the toilet, horribly backfired?.

Great pictures,thanks for posting them chaps!. Luckily,I was at that game vs.Derby who, if I remember, were one of the fancied sides to gain promotion. They had Archie Gemmel & John Robertson in their squads if the old brain cells recall correctly & we were just making the numbers up. Who was this guy called Kerry Dixon?,well we soon found out didn't we (as did Derby) plus of course the likes of Pat,Eddie,joe & Spackers made their debuts. Rather oddly, another memory of that day occured on the train as it made it's way to Fulham Broadway.This bloke was leaning against the carriage doors with the new yellow (le coq sportif) away shirt on reading the match day programme. He was in truth a bit of a chubster but what a shirt! & isn't that programme bigger than last seasons?. I brought one of those shirts (still got it),& in true 'what goes around comes around' fashion,I now look like a fat bast*rd if I try to wear it!. It's bloody weird what crap sticks in the memory.

I must admit that after recent events, I'm starting to have doubts about Andre & him being Chelsea's manager. If someone new to the Premier League asked me to describe a young manager with good man management skill's & great tactical nous, I would be more inclined to mention Brendon Rodgers rather than AVB. Thing is,Brendon like Andre is under pressure,all managers are I guess, but he has managed to make a very average side hold their own in the division while sticking to his own ideals. That strikes me as good man management with accute tactical nous. It appears that Brendon is trying to sign Josh on a season lone,but with both managers looking to the season's,(& their own) future,which one is taking the biggest gamble?. I'm starting to think that he's trying to turn Chelsea into the English version of Porto,which just ain't gonna work in the EPL. I want the guy to do well,because that means the club at least, have a chance of glory. But where is the attention to detail/man management skills/tactical brilliance that he is supposed to posses?,I just can't see it. I would like, if possible,to ask Andre the following questions: 1.If we sign Cahill,how does that effect Luiz in the team order? He is a poor defender,but he does have great skills & a wow factor that's been missing from the club for a long time.Will Andre play him in a different role? or work on his defensive frailties?. 2. Ask him for the truth behind Alex & Anelka. Neither players would be considerd 'legends' in the clubs history,but,they both played a good role & deserve respectfull treatment.Were they 'picked' on as soft targets just to prove his authority over the squad?. 3.How does he communicate with his players?. Lampard,like all other players,should only be picked on form & not reputation.But Lampard HAS such a reputation because he's such a great player. Shouldn't the manager be keen to keep such players 'onside'?, & with that aim,isn't good communication the key to achieve this?. 4.The rather odd goal celebration at Wolves. It smacked of division within the squad,(& looked lame),is it a case of me vs the old guard, against the new,(Spanish/Portuguese) speakers?. Sorry to be negative,but it would be great to hear a few non-bullsh*t answers for a change,(whatever they were).

If we were to bid for bargain players, then as geezer mentioned, Collison at the spammers is a good shout. Good & skillfull,with a great eye for a pass & young enough to adapt to the pressure/life at Chelsea. Also,if Cahill is still arguing about the amount of beer vouchers he want's to be paid,what about Collison's spammers team mate James Tompkins?. The lads a bit rough but has got plenty of natural talent & like Collison,is young enough to adapt/improve his game. And less face it,if nothing else, the spam heads know how to produce a good centre half,(Moore (RIP),Rio etc). Just a thought really.

Truly gutted about old wozza getting sacked, because now they may get someone who knows what the feck their doing! Mind you, I won't miss looking at his boat,a scary looking fella who reminded me of a punch & judy doll,(or the witch from Charlton & the Wheelies). Don't think the old knumbskull did himself any favours with the recent comments about his wife getting to meet any potential transfer signings, just to make sure they were 'nice boys'. I honestly don't think that would be the sort of thing their spammers supporting owner want's to hear in the January transfer window!.

It's not been the best season for super frank (& Chelsea) so far,that's for sure. I guess he's struggling to come to terms with the fact that the mind's willing, but the body may not be!. Having said that,he is the club's second highest goal scorer this season, ( behind Danny), which ain't to bad for a washed up old midfielder. He even managed to turn 2 points into 6,with his winning goals at Blackburn Rovers & Wolves!. Check out the Premier League table to see what difference that would make. Maybe,the manager needs to remember that the next time he blanks him. Super Frank Lampard,the Best player I've ever seen play for Chelsea & one of the best the country has ever produced.

Some of Frank's recent comments about the title chase seam to be at odds with AVB's view. I suspect that if the pair haven't fallen out with each other already,then it won't be long. Things seam to be a bit 'prickly' between them. The pair need to get a grip & sort it,(& soon).

Yep,it must be getting to that point soon. As long as it isn't Nando doing the 'shoving'...................because he probably miss . Just what has happend to the 'glory' of the beautifull game??. The smell of the ointment & the roar of the crowd?, (or was it the other way round?).

AVB can't force the players to respect him,his treatment of Alex & Nico will undermine instead of inforce his authority within the squad. I only hope that he will have the time to understand why.