Izanagi

Jose needs to calm the f**k down.

I smell a troll.

Hazard. Our best player bar-none.

Nuclear Launch Detected.

Looking good in pre-season aren't we?

Courtois Ivanovic -- Cahill -- Terry -- Azpillicueta Fabregas -- Matic Willian -- Oscar -- Hazard Falcao 2-1 to us but Swansea to score first. Hazard x2

Remember when our threads used to engender thoughtful and productive discussion? I miss those days.

We need to bring at least two players in. Everyone around us is beefing up and we seem to be moving sideways in the market.

Jose will not give a start to a youth player. More chance of Jesus returning to the mortal plane.

Judging by the looks of ArsenalFanTV you'd have thought they'd just won the Champion's League final against Barcelona while being down to 9 men,

I feel for Di Maria, I really do. It just didn't work out in the Premier League. I get the sneaking suspicion that he will end up back at Real Madrid. United will recoup some of the loss, which they could afford to lose anyway, and might even get another player in the process.

I fear what will force Hazard's hand is if he doesn't start getting protection from EPL referees. He is the most fouled player in the league by a stupid margin as it's the only way defenders can stop him. The brutal truth is that Hazard has his longevity and future career to think of and if the likes of Stoke, Sunderland, and Newcastle players are content to kick seven shades of sh*t out of him the EPL might see the back of him sooner than they think. It will take a world-record bid to get us to the table but I can see him ending up at Real Madrid when either Ronaldo or Bale move on, probably the latter.

I just want us to win it because salty Gooner tears is a healthy start to any balanced and successful Chelsea season.

Biggest test of the pre-season. Really don't know what the outcome of this one will be but can see a lot of goals in it.

Twat them out of the park and bring their deluded fans down to earth with a massive f**king crash.

It was a short appearance but I thought Falcao's movement was alright.

Tibo finishes it off

That's the confidence in the sh*tter again.

1-1 Falcao converts

Pens? Oh lordy.

any streams?

I can see us using a diamond formation if we come across a parked bus or when we're against fodder teams at home.

f**k off you scrote.

I'd hate to be one of our guys in training in the next few days that's for god damn sure. Even if it was a 'non-game' that complacency has me very worried. Do that against Barcelona and we're going to get utterly humiliated.

Sterling scores 37 seconds into his Manchester City debut.