It's 20,100 days since my last confession; I'm going to the Man U v Barca friendly tomorrow.

My penance?

You have to stand up after 20 minutes and sing "Carefree" at top note for 5 minutes.

Your penance is to watch a very dull 0 0 result in the pouring rain with someone that severely smells of vomit sitting next to you on one side while on the other side to you is seated a drunken bloke who tells you his life story

Your penance is to watch a very dull 0 0 result in the pouring rain with someone that severely smells of vomit sitting next to you on one side while on the other side to you is seated a drunken bloke who tells you his life story

...while the fella behind you is eating a giant burger and spread all the ketchup on the back of your best shirt.

Have fun

You have to stand up after 20 minutes and sing "Carefree" at top note for 5 minutes.

Wearing one of our kits of course.

Wearing one of our kits of course.

Oohh, I like that. Now, who`s name do we put on it? Terry, Drogba?

Oohh, I like that. Now, who`s name do we put on it? Terry, Drogba?

Terry imho. Teams love to boo him every time he touches the ball so why not wear the kit of the man everyone else "loves" so much.

Add to the fact that he's one of our legends, and I think it's a formula for success. Drogba is a good second.

Yeah wear a Terry Chelsea shirt , and chant Chelsea European champions 2012 , both sets of fans will love that .

You get to watch Barcelona play. That's as bad a punishment you can get. Get ready for thousands of passes and people falling over every time the wind changes.

make 100 prawn sandwiches. Lace them with laxatives and hand them out.

You manage our orders at ChopChop at our next piss-up.