I did a quick search I couldn't find a thread comparing (some) Chelsea players to mind-altering substances. Forgive me if I've missed it and Mods - feel free to merge the topic.

 

 

Petr Cech – Mind-altering Substance – Magic Mushrooms

 

Recognisable by the little cap on their heads, magic mushrooms, given that they grow naturally, are generally safe to ingest, just as Petr is generally safe in goal. Mushrooms are best taken in tea as the hot water speeds the passage through the bloodstream and they don’t actually taste that nice raw. Petr Cech’s favourite drink? Tea, of course.

 

Ashley Cole – Mind-altering Substance – Cocaine

 

Flash git, flash drug. Beloved of celebrities, but likely to get a bad press, Cocaine and Cole make nice bedfellows. While Cole is running up the line, so is your nose, and the effect in both cases can be electrifying.  

 

Fernando Torres – Mind-altering Substance – Homegrown weed but not from your usual supplier

 

So, your usual supplier is in Amsterdam visiting his mate, Valerie, and you have tickets for Roger Waters at the O2. There is only one thing to do, visit the dodgy pub on the docklands where you can always score a little weed. The problem is you don’t know anyone there and you look like a history teacher. The second you walk in the door the price has quadrupled. In any case, it looks and smells ok, and the guy tells you that it has been highly rated in the past, so you shell out and prepare to base your night out around a few spliffs. Little did you know you were buying the dregs of the male plant and regardless of how many chances you give it there is no satisfaction to be had. The concert is sh*te anyway as some fat Spanish f**k has replaced David Gilmore.     

 

Juan Mata – Mind-altering Substance – Microdots

 

The best things come in small packages and this is certainly true of this natural fit. When they are on song the world just seems to be a happier, more colourful, altogether more wonderful place.

 

Frank Lampard – Mind-altering Substance – Heroin

 

Why are so many people addicted to heroin? Because it is f**king fantastic, that’s why. The king of all midfielders can only be compared to the king of all drugs. While on heroin the world is simply a wonderful place and you just want to sit down and nod sagely, pretty much exactly how I feel when Frank is on the ball. Of course it is extremely difficult to say goodbye to both and sometimes outside intervention is necessary. They will tell you it’s for your own good but it doesn’t feel like it at the time.   

 

Mikel – Mind-altering Substance - Mogadon

 

The ultimate sedative, Mogadon is best taken after a long session of extreme drug abuse as nothing can quite bring you down as effectively. A bit like Mikel then. While on Mogadon everything seems to go really slowly and it appears as if the drug affects the pace of everything. A bit like Mikel then. Inexplicably some people rate this drug quite highly but it is generally safe to assume that these people are borderline delusional and deserve our sympathy

 

David Luiz – Mind-altering Substance – Speed

 

Unpredictable drug which is likely to give you some fantastic times but can also get you into trouble. A bit like David then.

 

John Terry – Mind-altering Substance – Carlsberg Special Brew

 

Beer will always form the backbone of any self-respecting drug abuser, and there is no finer backbone than special brew. Especially good when paired with a bit of speed. A word of caution though, drink too much and you will probably end up hugging everyone and crying your eyes out. 

 

 

Rafa Benitez-Mind-altering substance -Carbon Monoxide.

 

Should be silent & both are deadly, to much exposure to each will leave you brain dead.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry mate I couldn't help it!.

Edited May 7, 201313 yr by alan'82

Am i on RAWK?

Eden Hazard -  Mind-altering Substance – Ecstacy

 

Because it's f**kin brilliant.

Brilliant Liam. Mikel/Mogadon made me laugh out loud.

Essien- Mind-altering substance - PCP aka 'Angel Dust',  

 

Gives the imbiber superhuman qualities, of which essien once possessed..

Edited May 7, 201313 yr by Ballack & Blu

wat

Lovely post Liam. Can you do toys next?

Bit bored last night, Liam?  Missing Masterchef?

Bit bored last night, Liam?  Missing Masterchef?

 

Just given me an idea Kev. Thread Comparing (some) Chelsea Players to Fine-dining Dishes

 

Mikel - Fine-dining Dish - Slow-cooked lamb shank in a red wine reduction with parsnip crisps, celeriac puree and foraged edible plants.

 

The sweetness of the lamb, the earthiness of the edible plants, with the saltiness of the puree, combined with the crispiness of the parsnip, all brought together by that delicious reduction should be an excellent dish but there's something missing. It's hard to say but it could be the slowness of cooking which has taken the edge of the lamb flavour, leaving us with a dish which ticks all the boxes yet fails to deliver, at least to the level of fine-dining we're after. A bit like Mikel then.  

Mikel - Lamborghini Countach.

 

A stylish, eye-catching, and ergonomic sports car, able to reach speeds of nearly 200 miles an hour.

 

Unfortunately this one has no engine.

Mikel is a Ford Escort and you know it.