Mike O

David Lynch's movies are a very hit and miss affair in my book. Many of them come across as pretentious tosh because one suspects that the director has an entourage who revel in his artistry - e.g. his cinematography / soundtracks / character development etc, but no script editor telling him that it all needs to make sense. I hated Eraserhead when it came out, predominantly because it attracted a mass following of fashionista types who loved the noir elements which matched their Bauhaus record collections. The Elephant Man was great, Dune was absolute pants (looked great though, natch), Wild at Heart was good fun but Blue Velvet was a missed opportunity. I gave up with the guy after Twin Peaks. File with Peter Greenaway under 'Emperor's New Clothes'.

Had the exact same conversation with an Arsenal fan who now goes over Orient last night, another mate who is West Ham goes over Southend aswell. I have visited Millwall a few times over the past couple of years, mainly because it's round the corner and there was a ticket begging, but the general atmosphere on the way in and out of the den reminds me of Chelsea when the shed was terrace and it was the run of the mill supporters going, not a Miles or Joshua or Japanese fella with a camera in sight. This is where I am now. 28 yrs a CFC member, 15 years an ST holder with a true blue son who I take every week to Kingstonian. 5 Chels matches a season, feeling less and less connection etc etc. I've got to the point of viewing fans of 'the Big Four' as not real football fans. Bizarre and untrue, but you get my drift....

What do you mean, 'become'? Wake up and smell the dollars pal.

Nice one Dorset, You've forgotten two other classics from last night.... 1. Motson: 'I don't know about you, Mark, but these ball-boys are throwing the balls back really quickly. Will that be down to the new England manager?' Lawro: 'Yes' 2. Motson: 'And Gerrard has been named motm.' Lawro: 'According to who?' Motson: 'I think they do it, as they say, 'on-line'' Lawro: 'By geeks then?' I've met Motty and he's a true gent, but it's time to retire to the Murray Walker home for the terminally confused. I laughed out loud as Lawro undermined one third of his employer's entire media strategy so brilliantly. The BBC: Online (for geeks), On digital (for twats), On your tits

How about all that extra money goes back to the UK fanbase? Reduce ticket prices, get real fans back, try and persuade Boro to sell-out a game for once etc etc. What's the betting it will go into the pockets of players and agents instead?

I think there are a number of factors at work here, folks: 1. Never underestimate that the pay / lifestyle gulf between fans and players has irredeemably altered their relationship forever. When fans read, for instance, about Cashley's 'injustices' at Arsenal and then his drunken shagging exploits, what else can a half-decent human feel but loathing? The only thing that could ever redeem him would be a super-human performance on the field. Frankly, that ain't ever going to come from a left back. Hatred for CFC players comes, I believe, from a feeling that they are kings of the hill in terms of pay and therefore first targets when games start to stagnate. It's goodbye forever, I'm afraid, to cheering on Stanley Matthews through thick and thin because he comes from your street and you could be just like him one day. Our footballers come from a different planet altogether and the last thing your folks ever want you to be is one of them. BTW, I believe this gulf is accentuated by the fact that many England supporteres come from the lower leagues / non-league world where it's felt all the more acutely. 2. I agree that the style of play has to change to one of careful patience in order to take on the international big boys. We all do - we've been trained to expect it via JM. But there's no getting around the fact that it is mainly dull to watch and on the whole not worth a £50 ticket. I'm going to get flattened here but I'm one of those who have tramped to Wembley on a cold Weds evening to be bored witless. I can't / won't boo but I will watch on telly next time. Football is, in many people's eyes, supposed to be entertaining. If it doesn't manage to fit that bill, then it will become F1 where only the afficianados (in denial) support it. 3. We live in a new world of reality TV-ness, where our votes count (or do they?) and we are encouraged to make instant hate/love judgements so we can evict the right guy. Alex F made this point and it's a good one but not necessarily new. Check out accounts of the behaviour of the crowds at the Colliseum in ancient Rome and how easily swayed they were to change alliegances at a moment's notice. 4. A lot of people got tickets to see Beckham's 100th cap. They didn't. Just a personal view - and I think the reaction would have been wholly different if the match had some competitive meaning. And don't get me wrong, I also think that there were a bunch of morons there last night, but at least they weren't the type that support Spain.

That's an easy one.....

I'm waiting for Cashley to collapse on the pitch with a sudden and visibly unpleasant bout of dysentry. I'm waiting to see Frank's face when he realises he's going to have to fight for his place back I'm waiting to see Sidwell pass the ball forward (go on son, you can do it...) I'm waiting to see Anelka and Drogba form the best partnership since Guddy and JFH I'm waiting for Sheva to score a goal that is actually important (let's have at least one per CL match) I'm waiting to see Carlo get a testimonial I'm waiting for JT / Cole / SWP and others to start behaving like decent human beings and to keep out of the papers I'm waiting for posters to stop carping on about who we should sign I'm waiting to see Clarkey get a massive pay rise I'm waiting for Kalou to return having scored a hat-trick in the ACON final I'm waiting for my man...

Right, me old mucker. Time to start getting way ahead of myself... 1. Any idea what the best odds for us doing the quad are? Blue Square are offering 80/1 which seems a little stingy....any easy to recall odds and bookies would be welcome 2. Have you got a cunning scheme involving taking advantage of free bet offers that can help out? My Palace pal placed a load of bets on Monday for the Leicester match using the offers which effectively meant that he could only win on the match (148% min return). Hope you're well, I'll think of you when I'm loaded.

Wotcha Brian - long time no row! Just a quickie on Avram playing with Jose's team, I don't believe he is. Sure most of the team were bought in Jose's day, but at which point did Jose ever have to cope without the whole of his spine in JT / Lampard / Drogba (and occasionally Cech) at once? Furthermore, when did JM ever put out - regularly - a team that looked like Cech / Belletti / Alex / Carv / Bridge / Maka / Sidwell / SWP / Malouda / Cole / Anelka? In Belletti / Alex / Sidwell / Malouda, JM never had the time to manage them properly. In Bridge / SWP / Cole, JM never had faith in them In Anelka, JM only played against him That only leaves Cech / Maka / Carvalho as being of JM's team. Fair do's to Grant / Clarkey / TC, they're doing fine. Even finer when you consider the team they're not currently fielding at the moment.... Carlo / Ferreira / JT / Ben Haim / A. Cole / Mikel / Essien / Lampard / Ballack / Sheva / Drogs (I know some of these guys are coming back, but you get my drift). Cheers Mike

Great point

A lot of interesting points made so far on this. I've always been bemused by the amount of minute's silences we are asked to endure before matches - I'm sure I did one for the club's tea-lady a few years back - and I can only put it down to the demise of the church. No-one goes to church any more - well not many - and because of that we are seen to be deprived of many things including moments of mass communal reflection. So in steps football and offers us regular minutes of introspective, soul-searching, respectful and quasi-spritual reverence which we lap up gleefully. Of all the minutes I've stood silently for, the only ones I remember most pertinently have been for MH, Hillsborough and - strangely enough - Bobby Moore. The rest just seem like cheap excuses for worship (apologies for any other cracking examples I've missed). Munich should be respected with a minute's silence - respected for the city of Manchester and the whole football community, not just United. Hillsborough the same. But for the rest of it, give departed players a one minute's applause and leave the rest out of it.

The 1960's by a country mile. Possible the last decade in which anything truly original came to fruition in popular music (possibly apart from hip-hop which doesn't count because it's bollox). Everything that followed in the ensuing decades was just variations on a theme. Whether you're a fan of soul, punk, metal, reggae, folk rock etc, you can typically hear it's purest and least convoluted expression in the 60's. I'm also going to guess that most meldoies (with their limited no. of note combinations) were first aired in that decade.

Another obviously doctored video. It's amazing what they can do with editing suites to make it look like JFH was actually running.... Didn't Gav Pecock score a hat-trick against someone once (Boro?)? That was my fave because he was a top gent.

Ok, so some of you know that I hate professional (esp Premiership) footballers with a vengeance - £30k a week and they still don't know which side their bread's buttered on - but you lot take the biscuit! To all of you who would take Diarra or Gallas back 'in a heartbeat', I ask you where is your effing pride? They both left us because they thought they weren't getting the respect they deserved, the money or the appearances their talent merited, and they joined a bunch of tossers up the road, aka London French. And you'd have them back? Are you in the habit of vaselining yourselves up, bending over the desk and crying 'do me, do me'? Or is your support based entirely on your prowess at playing bloody 'Football Manager 2008'? Grrrr

I think you're better than this, Barn. England did not lose to Croatia on Weds because we have to accommodate minorities into our society. We lost because we put a team of multi-millionaires on the pitch who've already got everything they could possible want in life against a team of nobodys with everything to prove. Oh, and we put a twat in charge of them. Oh, and he was given the job by an even bigger twat. PS - look at the England cricket team and the Barmy Army to see that accommodating minorities into our society does not diminish partriotic fervour....sometimes! Mike

You'll all be delighted to know that I got a call from the FA this morning asking for my advice on how we should all move forward following last night's shame. After I told them that they should start by sacking themselves, I suggested that the only way forward would be to give up on the home nations structure and put together a British team. Having been swiftly appointed manager (you'll all read about it tomorrow), I now need to assemble a first team. I was thinking of the following: GK: Taylor (NI) RB: Richards CB: Terry CB: Ferdinand LB: Hughes (NI) RM: SWP CM: Barry CM: Lampard LM: Giggs (W) ST: Rooney ST: McFadden (Sc) Waddya think?

If any other Yanks want to get into a head to head on who has the worthier country, then please get in touch soon. Tossers....

They won a major trophy in my lifetime young whippersnapper!! Had to do my paper round the next day. Some people didn't get their papers 'til well into the afternoon cos I kept stopping to read them!! My lifetime too my friend. Although only 1.5 at the time, I distinctly remember toasting an extra Farleys rusk at the television... Trouble is, it don't count if it's your tournament, a theory South Korea nearly proved conclusively a few years back.

Based on my genius for predicting the future? Or based on the notion that I talk a load of bollox? I know it's one or the other....

Why will England never win a major trophy in our lifetimes? 1. England is the Newcastle of the international scene. We have fanatical fans putting enormous and unreasonable pressure on the team borne out an expectation based on stupidity. 'We invented the game' does not mean we have to still be any good at it. 2. The FA is still run by idiots from the conference wearing blazers, with no idea on business management, media handling or long-term vision. 3. Football is still a predominantly working class game in this country. Because clubs are run by dim egomaniacs who are in thrall to the players, there is still a misguided but presiding belief in the UK that ex-players make good managers. On the whole, this is a rubbish theory - Brian Robson, Graham Souness, Gary Megson et al are in their millions compared to the exceptions like Fergusson and Clough. So educated professor types - your Wengers / Eriksonns / Mourinhos - really have to stand out to get a chance of a position. All of which leaves you with an idiot like McClaren as our manager. 4. We are a nation full of self-hate. As much as we hate each other and ourselves, the one thing we can't stand more than anything else is to win. Watch how we hate any club that wins the league, watch how the press will run gutter stories on 'our boys' 1 week before a major tournament, listen to the comments made by idiotic England fans in the crowd at Wembley, gasp at how quickly I rush to the PC to post stuff like this up! 5. The current team is comprised of players who are more valuable individually and more cherished than the manager. They may make statements of support for him but that in itself belittles him. They don't actually have to listen to him. I'm John Terry and he's a twat. Because of this, we have a team that has no unifying style. We effectively play with a Chelsea defensive style (without a holding midfielder), behind a Liverpool / Chelsea midfield which cancels itself out playing up to a variety of forwards who are lucky to ever see the the ball. Until managers get paid more than players, no-one's ever going to subscribe to a style of play that can work properly. I thought Sven managed this at first, but he too fell in thrall of his lads and succumbed to their views. So we've got a final chance to get to 2008. I would sack McClaren immediately the ball hits the back of the Croatia net on Weds and get JM in on £250k / month for the next 8 months to bring it all together and dish out major crap to club managers who get in his way. That's what I'd do.

[iframe:4ke7y3pk]http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/article470339.ece?CMP=KNC-powersearchSEM1&HBX_PK=amy+winehouse&HBX_OU=50[/iframe:4ke7y3pk] The thing is, her life is just a tired old cliche. - Have talent - Get lucky - Get famous - Self destruct Personally, I think she is a gifted soul but her music doesn't personally move me the way someone like Janis Joplin's does, or Aretha, or Ella, or Maria McKee, or etc etc....

The Christians... Were any of the Ramones actually related?

You're not alone in being reminded of the Arsenal of 2003/04 when they won bloody everything. They do have the same confidence and have mastered the art of playing exciting footie that wins matches. I still can't stand Wenger and his idiotic wingeing / didn't see the incident / who Sir? me Sir? / so wise..but so petulant manner, but he's struggling to make my top 3 objects of hate at the moment. That honour goes to: 1. Liverpool FC - no explanation required 2. Fergusson - the worst loser in the history of sport 3. Joey Barton - everything that is scumful about professional fotballers Arsenal, in fact, used to have me spitting fire at their strategy of disallowing any British footballer into their starting XI but now it's gone on so long, I'm actually finding it funny. It must really hack off Barwick and those other useless tossers at the FA which is frankly ok by me. Let's hope Walcott get's off the team-sheet any time soon to really rub it in.

Bates for me as well, by a country mile, but also exceedingly grudgingly. A total tosser with absolutely no redeeming features, he did however: 1. Save the club from extinction 2. Decided, with Colin Hutchinson, in 1993-ish that they wanted the cub to sit at the top table in Europe and put into effect a sequence of events that went something along the lines of: a) Appoint Hoddle B) Rebuild the ground c) Encourage investment from the likes of Harding d) 1994 FA Cup final e) Back in Europe in 94/95 f) Sign Ruud g) Sign Robbie / Frank / Zola / Sparky h) 1997 FA Cup i) Sign Desailly / Vialli / Deschamps etc i) 1998 League Cup / CWC Cup j) CL Semi-finallists h) 2000 FA Cup i) Put the club on the sort of platform that won over Abramovich No one comes close to that sort of legacy.