Le Fantôme Noir

This Bayern side put 7 past Spurs at their ground (f** knows what it's called these days). They're more than decent. We're a few levels below, but with the right signings and coaching, we will improve and threaten the very top again.

We just have to make sure we qualify for the CL each season, build upon it and don't drop off like Arsenal.

Everyone always bangs on about the Tangerine and Graphite one, but remember this horror show from around the same time Think it got an outing against QPR and then never saw the light of day again.

For the record, I don't believe any of the Cavani talk. The papers manufactured the story by asking Lampard a question in a press conference and are now running with it because all their other lies about our "£150m WARCHEST" have failed to materialise. F**ktards. Every single one of them. And while we're at it, every single member of Sky Sports News "Transfer Talk" team needs taking out with a breech-loading rifle.

I don't think a striker alone will solve our current problem. Just as much value needs to be placed on someone who can provide proper chances in the final third.

If you reduced every player in the league to 3/4 (size, speed, strength, etc) and kept Musonda the same - he'd stand out. As it is, each new game for him is like someone on FIFA suddenly attempting to play Legendary Mode after only previously flitting between Amateur and Semi Pro. I honestly struggle to see him carving out a top flight career in a major league and he'd dissappear in the Championship. He screams MLS and that sort of level will be a great showcase for his talent.

I would be happy with Dries Mertens if we could sign him this January. It's short-term thinking but in the short-term we need to do enough to finish in the top 4. He's versatile, has good goalscoring instincts (which we don't have nearly enough of in our team) and won't cost a lot. Additionally, he doesn't put Tammy into a direct duel like signing Dembele would. Mertens could play alongside/around him as well as through the middle by himself, and for now, I think that will suit us better.

It's simple for Palace, if they sell him and fail to properly replace him (which is very likely) then they're down. I'd rather put that money towards Sancho for a number of factors, age and ability being the standout ones.

If we don't score first then we're f**ked. We HAVE to find a solution to this.

Bring on Pulisic and Barkley

Agree. It seems like people have forgotten which opposition Hudson Odoi was doing it against. Showing up against PAOK Salonika in the Europa League and the likes of Nottingham Forest and Sheffield Wednesday is completely different to doing it week in, week out in the Premier League. He needs time to develop, but the people who are saying it's down to the injury, etc, and that he was in scintillating form before it are talking out of their arses.

Can he though? Really? He was dreadful at doing it for Palace last season (Someone bring up the stats because they'll back me up). Should say that I'm not wholly against Zaha being brought in to play out wide though, for a sensible price of course.

Did Everton offer actual money for Zouma? That won't happen again...

Spending £300m to win the Europa League and falling out with half the Manchester United squad is now being painted as a major success. Staggering amount of revisionism in the papers about The Special Once. I had his card marked years ago, but it's amazing how it's taken some Chelsea fans this long to see Mourinho for what he is.

He's done as an elite manager and any chairman appointing him now is being influenced by the memory of what he was 15 years ago and not what he is now; a charlatan, a snake, a sh*tehawk and a fraud. He'll get the odd result along the way to hoodwink people, maybe even against us or Man Utd, but eventually some way or another, he'll find a way of sinking both himself and Spurs and it will be wonderful to watch.

Unfortunate.

This is a good thing, surely? He's stepping up and not shirking. Morata swapping to the '29' shirt was just an admission of defeat. Of course, it really only counts if Willian does it on the pitch, but he's always seemed to me like a player that's thrived with added responsibility (2017 FA Cup Semi Final against Spurs springs to mind).

He pretty much had this experience last season. Now he needs proper game time.

I'm convinced Sarri didn't know how to unlock his secret level.

It's down to the next man in charge, but for £35m, it would be a yes from me. Should be looking to shift Bakayoko and Drinkwater out the door if it happens though.

4th should be the aim. Top 6 will be more than acceptable.

The ticket is Lampard + Jody Morris. That's why it makes sense, given the position we are in and the prospects we have. It's a brave move, and it's a risk but the rewards could be great over time and I'd applaud the board for taking this gamble (if they do).

Time to sell was last summer. He'll probably start the season on the left and might fare a little better out there, but I'm not expecting miracles.

Legend. Not even a debate. Real Madrid are getting a special player.

Not on the list, but Zorres. Pretty much won us the Europa League. But sometimes he took that mask off and suddenly became bang average.