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------------------------------------------Cheque (please waiter)-------------------------------------------------- -----Cesar Salad--------Gazpacho Cahill-----------------Ivan Jamonovic---------Ashley Churrizo------- -----------------------Jon Obi San Miguel-------Manuel Hung (the next Makalele if rumours are true)- ---Oscar dos 'Sangria' Emboaba Junio-------Juan Tapas----------------Vino Moses--------------------- -----------------------------------------------Nandos Tortilla------------------------------------------------------- If only there was a Fat Spanish Waiter somewhere that could take this order

Great shout. First one I thought of too. Still haven't forgiven Rougvie though

The FA and UEFA

Simple answer - no. I don't hate any other clubs as all my emotions are wrapped up in Chelsea

I couldn't agree more, just replying to a post about his character. Regarding my overall view, I said in the post above it: "I don't support the type of people they are, I am a fan of how they play, so I really don't care if he's having a mare off the field as long as he keeps producing the goods."

A married man sending suggestive texts and pictures of himself in his pants to another woman and then saying "don't show anyone this and delete it" makes a class A knobhead in my opinion.

I'm not comfortable with this blanket rule on over 30s. Would we really stick to it if we had a 30 year old Zidane or Maldini? Or super frank come to that. I know it may sound a bit reckless, but the fact is that we have a multi billionaire owner who thankfully spends his fortune on our beloved blues, so give the best left back in the world a stack of cash to perform in the immense way he does, for the next couple of years. OK so we all know he acts like a bit of a knob, but I don't support the type of people they are, I am a fan of how they play, so I really don't care if he's having a mare off the field as long as he keeps producing the goods. Cole is as good as he's ever been so why the hell is there an issue? 2 or 3 more years on his contract will have absolutely no effect on this FFP malarkey.

QPRsoles?

When Alan Shearer said on Match of the Day that Chelsea are the Barcelona of the Barclays Premier League, he was being deadly, serious When I heard Shearer say this on MOTD, I thought - what a cheeky twat, we are the 1 club that Barca shudder about when drawn against us. More accurately - Barcelona are the Chelsea of La Liga (on a good day)

If we had bought a new striker in the summer for £50m and he'd had exactly the same start to the season as Torres has, we'd all be raving about him.

Ask yourself the question, do we really want to be like Sunderland? They've scored 5 league goals and Fletcher has bagged the lot. Torres has been criticized for not scoring enough goals, but if I'm honest I'm happier with things how they are and see it as far more healthy for the club that he hasn't scored all our goals. Sure we'd all be waxing lyrical if he had scored all 11 of our league goals so far, but that would put us in a very precarious position. If we are over reliant on one player then we will struggle when that player is out. As it stands, we are scoring goals from all over the park and have had a stunning 13 different goalscorers in all competitions: Torres, Mata, Cahill, Ivan, Lamps, Oscar, Cole, Luiz, Romeu, Ramires, Moses , Hazard, Bertrand. And we still have Sturridge, Marin and JT to get on the scoresheet (and of course the prolific Mikel!) Torres is our joint top scorer and overall is second only to Mata in goals+assists tally. I do understand why Torres has been criticized, I have done myself, but this is mostly due to the ridiculously high standards he himself has set in previous seasons. The truth is though, the job he is doing is a valuable one at the moment. Yes he's had a couple of very poor games, but generally he has worked his lone striker role very well and by doing so, has allowed that stat of 13 different scorers to occur. As critical as I have been, I am very pleased and satisfied that Torres is at our club and has a huge part to play in our season. I do think we need another striker, but not to replace Torres, moreover for cover/backup/assistance. If Torres and Sturridge are out, we've got a problem which needs fixing. Torres is a very talented lad and is starting to show his ability in fits and starts. He is without doubt an asset to the club and I for one am glad he's here. We need to appreciate what the staff are trying to do at the Bridge. Our whole philosophy is slowly evolving and so far the signs are promising. We are not a one man team, we do not have to rely on one striker being on form or employ strikers that have only one dimension to their game, we play football, we play with style and pride, we back our lads and we win titles. We are the European Champions.

After the first year Didier had been with us, I remember a reporter describing him perfectly "It was like watching a dog chasing a balloon". The truth is, when things are going wrong for strikers, there's nowhere to hide......when you are the European Champions lone striker with a £50m price tag, it's like having a 10KW spotlight shining down on you wherever you try to hide. I've been critical of Torres in the past and justifiably so, but I have also been supportive and encouraging when you see him working hard and finding form. The truth is, he is at the greatest club in the world and officially the best team in Europe, so when he does play poorly (and we all know he does at times) it is so grossly accentuated that it's easy to slip in to critical mode. There have been times in the last 2 years that I have been absolutely sick and tired of Torres and have made my feelings known, but he's our striker and he's genuinely talented, so I always end up giving him the benefit of the doubt and replacing my faith in him. If you are willing to criticize when he gets things wrong (and I certainly do), then you have to be balanced and identify those things he gets right. He's had a couple of absolute shockers this season, but overall, I think he's worked hard, looked sharp, integrated well into the new line up and most importantly found the onion bag. He's performed a lot better than I expected him to this season and if he keeps putting in the effort he's shown of late, then I believe he will be a great asset to the Champions of Europe (I make no apologies for my shameless repetition of this fact!).

No Oscar? I think this lad could become a sensation (certainly hope so if he does it in Chelsea blue)

Whilst I agree that there will never be another JT, I have no doubts we will have adequate cover the day retires. Let's say he goes in 4 years. Cahill will be 30, Luiz 29, Bran 32, Hutch 27, Bruma 24, Chalobah 21, Kalas 23, Ake 21. Sure some won't make it, some will leave and some will be signed, but it doesn't look too bad for our future at CB. For me, current best is JT and Cahill just over the improving Luiz Would love to see JT and Marcel together in their prime. Doesn't get much better than that.

And drop cole? Really?

The concepts of criticism and support are not mutually exclusive, yet there seems to be an underlying split between the two camps here. If that's the case, then I'm afraid I'll have to stay with a foot in each. I am terribly frustrated with the return we have had from the lad as the statistics really don't lie, it's plain for all to see that he's really not produced anything even close to his best. This is not mindlessly lambasting the lad, this is a considered opinion based what we can all see. I will continue to back him and sing his name in the hope that he will find his mojo again, but if truth be told, my throat is getting sore and his performances are hardly soothing. Granted, we do see flashes of his unquestionable talent and I along with many others hang on to it in the hope of a purple patch, but a sustained period of defence terrorizing has yet to be achieved. When we signed him, I was a little concerned about his lack of recent form at the Dippers, but had an overriding feeling of inflated optimism, due to his blindingly obvious world class talent. And that's the worst thing of it all. He is clearly one of the most naturally gifted strikers in world football and if he ever does rediscover his lethal best, then we will be laughing all the way to the title. However, 9 goals in 50 league games and 15 in 74 overall is not even close to the sort of figures we should be citing. I will carry on backing him as I would just love it, just love it and I'll tell ya, I'd just love it if he proves all his doubters wrong. My optimism is running thin though.

Imagine how inconsistent he would be

The paralympians are world class human beings. In no possible way related to this numpty

Glad to see some sense being spoken about our number 2 stopper. Hilario does worry me at times, but I often wonder whether this is predominantly due to the ease with which his name lends itself to the baying Red Tops desire to knock the blues at any opportunity. Perhaps it's a throwback to the unhappy memories of another player whose name was a gift to the tabloids - Joke-anovic - although he really was a bloody joke. I actually think Hilario has mostly come in and done a decent job despite his headline writing surname. As has been said on this thread - what do you expect to get from a keeper that sits on the bench most weeks? I believe our hopes for a second choice keeper are somewhat unrealistic as we were so spoilt for a couple of seasons with Cech and Carlo both on the books. But even that didn't last long, Carlo - like many other decent keepers - had more ambition than just warming the bench, and rightly so. Courtois won't join the squad until he sees a real possibility of taking the number one jersey and again I'm happy with that situation. It shows the lad wants to play at as high a level as possible and that attitude is just what we want. I genuinely hope he becomes our number one, but he's still young and Cech is still world class, so now is not the right time to recall him.

I like your way of thinking. Making him captain just shows what a joke they are, they're still doing it now. I think £5m to see their demise is an absolute bargain

The only good thing about this story is being reminded that we mugged the gooners and got him for £5m plus Gallas. Still makes me chuckle

As furious and frustrated that I was against Barca, I just can't compare that feeling to the feeling of being one spot kick away from European glory and blowing it.......I genuinely used to shudder regularly and frequently toss and turn in bed running JT's penalty kick through my head again and again. I must admit I tortured myself over it quite a bit. Thankfully last May in Munich ridded me of those demons. Munich certainly did ameliorate the feelings from Moscow, but the sense of being done over by UEFA and it's cronies against Barca will remain in perpetuity

He'll struggle to do that from the arse end of East London

I would like to say a big thank you to Brian Reade......it was very thoughtful of him to remind us that the Bin Dippers are still in our division, I'd almost forgotten. What a surprise, another scouse gobsh*te making a tit of himself. Do we really care? No of course not, we're only bothered about clubs that are at leaset a minor threat to us. I'd rather walk alone

Agreed. Seems strange to move him on so soon after Essien. Just the sort of squad player we should be keeping. Hope it doesn't come back to haunt us