BernardLambourde

These debates are always difficult as people have different agendas. I've heard people say that Messi can't be considered as the greatest until he wins the World Cup. I don't agree with that in the slightest. The World Cup is a maximum of 7 games once every 4 years.....and you could argue that the Euros is harder to win anyway as there aren't many sh*tters in there. Doing the biz in the Champion's League year in, year out against tight defences is more of a benchmark in my opinion. I was speaking to a West Ham fan recently and he said that John Terry couldn't lace Bobby Moore's boots. Fair enough, Bobby did win the World Cup......but John's club career totally sh*ts on his. Moore only won an FA Cup and a Cup Winner's Cup. John has 3 league titles, 5 FA Cups, 2 League Cups and the European Cup. Moore just used to finish mid-table every season. Regarding Pele, I think the way he tore up the 1970 World Cup is testament to the fact he wasn't overrated. And in 1966 he was good before the Hungarians and Portuguese (I think) kicked sh*t out of him. People here have romanticised about how the game was played by 'real men' back then......but seeing a great player limp Pele limping off in 66' shows that wasn't always a good thing.

Ha ha...yeah, I wouldn't mind. As long as you're willing to waiver all royalty payments.

Ha ha...which team would that be? Bournemouth?

I was thinking of something like that. A Scouser parody would be a piece of p*ss. "We've got the best humour!" "Erm....Ken Dodd and Stan Boardman?" "We've got the best music?" "Erm....by that you mean one good band that were formed 50 odd years ago?" "We've got the best style!" "Erm....shellsuits and perms!" "We've got the biggest football team!" "Erm....no championship since 1989/90?" "We've got the BEST FANS IN THE WORLD!" "Tell that to Juventus."

Found this on a Palace forum: http://www.cpfc.org/forums/showthread.php?t=120133

That one is pretty much covered with the 'old boy' thanks Bluebeard. I'm making him very anti-modern football. Erm....I guess cause I know a bit more about it. I watched a few of those Nick Love films recently - 'The Firm' being one and dwelled on that (I know they're well exaggerated). It was also originally supposed to be a Cass Pennant parody but then I reckon that might be seen as libel if I ever tried to get it published and Cass would wanna 'sort me aaaht' which wouldn't be nice. Cass was very much at the peak of his powers during that casual scene.

Ha ha....you can have it mate.....take it....use it.....in the right company of course! ;)

Well I want it to be a comedy football book so if you're not interested in jokes then it won't really be for you anyway.

Hmmm....yes, but I don't see why such a person as the one I described shouldn't be open to parody. Comedy sketch shows are full of different stereotypes and we all fall into some of them every now and then. It's whether or not you can take a joke. I don't want it to be too scathing either.....just gently mocking. I don't see anything wrong with that. In this instance I'm also talking more about someone who supports a million teams.....very much a modern day phenomenon.

I heard they stuck a bank card in their gob.....then kicked them in the balls so they screamed and this made them rip their mouths open and leave them grinning like the joker from Batman.

I’m currently writing a football book based on parodies of different fans. Each fan falling within a different stereotype. So far I’ve written one for an old skool hooligan (from the casual era), one for a small club Northern fan (he supports his team through thick and thin, hates the South and will live in his small town for the rest of his life....it is more a p*ss take of his small mind, small town mentality than the North) and one of those old men who forever go on about how the game was better in their day. "The ball was like a cannon ball back then....now its a balloon played by poofs wearing ballet shoes!" etc. etc. Can you think of any more types for me to parody? I was thinking of maybe a new breed ‘fan’. The sort who claims to support Liverpool, Barcelona, Juventus, Shaktar and Brazil (oh, and the Miami Dolphins)…..all from the comfort of their bedroom in Northampton. Buying all the merchandise and watching the games on internet streams. Then they seem genuinely surprised when someone questions their ‘support’. I want it to be light hearted and irreverent so characters easy to lampoon would be great. Obviously someone like a statto geek is easy to take the p*ss out of but it is difficult to make an account of their life seem funny. Thaaaaaanks

After reading the thread on the Zenit fans who want not only black but gay players banned from their club, it got me wondering who was Chelsea's campest ever player. Not gay, as to my knowledge, no Chelsea player has ever come out....just camp. A player with effeminate mannerisms. Generally speaking, footballers aren't camp in the slightest so this is a difficult question. I can hardly think of any. John Hollins perhaps? Tore Andre Flo? Do you think Dave Beasant would have been at home on the stage of a west end musical giving it Liza Minelli jazz hands? Or perhaps you think Marcel Desailly would have been at home on a camp and frothy 1970's sitcom, making innuendos about his long, sliding tackle? Eddie Niedzwiecki wearing a fabulous neckerchief down the Kings Road maybe? While we're on the subject. Who is the least effeminate player ever? My vote goes to Mickey Droy.

Imagine if there was a black player who was also outrageously camp.......and every time he had a shot on goal, he'd shout out really camp comments like "Ooooohh......butter my arse!" Well imagine if that same player was also the best player in the world. Would the Zenit fans welcome a player like that if he won them every trophy in sight and scored as many as Messi? Erm.....probably not actually. Imagine if Zenit played Queens of the South. There'd be a riot.

Hi guys. Can anyone shed any light on the much fabled 'Chelsea Smilers'? I used to hear stories about them when I was at school......how they'd drive around South London in a blue van and capture their victims.....then open their gob up with a Master Card and squirt lemon juice in the wounds.....all sorts of b0llocks. Ha ha. Was there any element of truth in any of these tales?

Why do Scousers (I presume you're a Scouser) insist on replacing the word 'you' with the word 'use' in instances such as above? I have noticed it from others too.

I recall reading something similar in Stan Collymore's autobiography. Stan was on the team bus whilst playing for Forest (I think) and he put on a video of great football goals. One of the other players (a journeyman defender who probably wouldn't make it as a top flight player today) told Stan to turn it off. His reasoning was that he played football all week and didn't particularly want to watch it on the team bus. Stan couldn't quite fathom how a footballer couldn't appreciate seeing Marco Van Basten score an overhead kick. I guess that is just the way it is. Some players are genuine football fans as well as players.....and others are merely good at it and aren't too fussed.

The atmosphere in the West Lower seemed really good when it was first built (in the years before the rest of it was completed). But now it seems dead.

These figures seem a bit suspect to me. We announce a big loss every year.....and as soon as FFP is looming on the hoirzon, we announce a profit. I know winning the Champion's League would have brought in a lot of money but even so. Anyway.....I think it's hilarious. All those years where it was the only thing Gooners had to fall back on as we mopped up trophies. "What are you gonna do when FFP is brought in?" Erm....start making a profit? Or failing that, exploit massive loop holes in the rules? Ha ha ha. Long live the Arsenal board.

Agreed. Chelsea should always come above women. Steves Wicks above a b1tch Tore Andre Flo above a ho Tommy Law above a wh0re Petar Borota above a bloater (if your girl is fat) Peter Bonetti above a yetti (see above) Please feel free to add more...

Chelsea Football Club, Champions of Europe. It was a long time coming! After so many close calls, how does it feel to finally have won the Champions League? It wasn't that long coming. Bar one season in 99/00, we've only been playing in the CL regularly since 2003/04....so we won it within 9 years. That aside....it feels good obviously. As I write this Chelsea are second in the league, just one point behind Manchester United, second in their Champions League group and in the quarter finals of the League cup, you must be happy about the season so far? Yup....although we look vunerable at times. I welcome the return on Terry to the defence for the organisation he brings. We now know that Di Matteo has set his team up to play attacking football, but before the season started where you at all worried that he'd play the defensive brand of football that he implemented during the late stages of last seasons's Champions League? It depends who we're playing.....if we played Barca tomorrow, I'd be more than happy for us to play pragmatically again. No point playing expansively and getting spanked. I certainly wouldn't want us approaching that game in the same way as we would against Norwich at home. I don't think there was ever any danger of Chelsea playing against the majority of Premiership teams as we did against Barca or Bayern. Only an idiot would think that. We did what we had to do to win. Fernando Torres Chelsea's Number Nine - it still feels strange writing that! He initially struggled when he joined Chelsea, possibly due to feeling pressure from Didier Drogba. Now Drogba has gone, has Torres stepped up to being Chelsea's main attacking threat? Nope. I know others disagree, but for me he is still the weak link. He has a few fleeting moments where it looks like his form may return.....but overall, he disappoints me. Have any of your players stood out individually this season? Mata has been the best player this season. Any players who you have been disappointed with? Can't complain too much. As I said, Torres frustrates me, but he has had some good games this season too. And although I like him, Luiz's lack of discipline is cause for concern. Liverpool had to deal with the whole 'Luis Suarez racism affair' last year, and the club were criticised for how they handled the situation. How do you feel Chelsea have dealt with the John Terry saga, and can you understand why Liverpool fans are claiming double standards by the FA as Terry only received a four game ban and Suarez was banned for eight games? I think the club's line was that he was found innocent in a court of law. And yeah of course I can see why Liverpool fans claimed double standards....there never seems to be any consistency with any of their punishments. To ban Suarez for 8 and Terry for 4 (and Ferdinand not at all) doesn't really make sense. That said, Terry could feel aggrieved with being fined a load more....which again doesn't make sense. I'd like to ask you about Liverpool if I may. Our new manager is Brendan Rodgers. What did you feel about the appointment when it happened, and how do you think he's done so far? He obviously has potential given the job he did at Swansea but I think taking over Liverpool now would be a hard job for anyone. If I were a Liverpool fan, I'd have preferred Dalglish to stay. The documentary of Liverpool was a bit cringe inducing regarding Rodgers. His platitudes and face patting were cheesier than a tramp's bell end. Our record at Stamford Bridge in recent years is very good, we've won on our last three visits scoring five goals and only conceding one. Are you worried that we could make it four in a row? Not really worried. Of course you could and if you do, you do. One of those three games was Dalglish's first game which gave Liverpool an added boost and the other two were against Chelsea managed by AVB. The likes of WBA, QPR and Villa managed to beat us with that div in charge. These things go in cycles anyway.....Liverpool didn't win at Stamford Bridge between 1989 and 2003 (before Chelsea were formed in many Liverpool supporter's eyes...clearly supporters with bad memories) but that meant nothing when they did actually win there. Do any of our players worry you ahead of the game? Suarez. I don't think Liverpool are a one-man team as some suggest, but he is certainly the one player who can create something out of nothing....as he proved against Newcastle. What side do you think Chelsea will put out on Sunday? Pretty much the same that has been playing recently bar Terry's return. Probably at the expense of Cahill. Finally, care to make a prediction? Nope. It's futile.

Um....can't remember that to be honest. My friend is a member of a Juventus supporter's club so he got them. I recall emailing him a scan of my passport for him to get them so it's possible.

I went to the first game played at the new stadium against Parma and they did indeed check our tickets and we had to show our passports.

During the Terry and Suarez sagas, the press were all for eradicating racism from the game.....now it is Chelsea making the accusation, they're claiming Chelsea are smearing the name of a good man. I thought they wanted racism investigated and dealt with? They don't know if Clattenburg did or didn't say that. I'm also disappointed the claims he called Mata a Spanish tw*t have been dropped. Racial slurs made towards the people of a fellow European and predominaNtly caucasian nations seem to be overlooked in this country. The press went mental at some of the anti-Indian comments made in Big Brother (the Shilpa Shetty stuff)....but then they'll openly make racial generalisations about the French, Italians or Germans. The Sun seems to be of the belief that predjudice is bad.....then they employ Jeremy Clarkson to make xenophobic comments in his column.

This doesn't surprise me. Did the lads take the money and do it then? It always makes me laugh in press reports when it says things like "a source close to the star said....." or "one onlooker said.....". They're clearly fictional quotes and idiots believe them.

Will this mean more kick off times are moved? Have they said anything about this?