Modern football- things that get up your nose

[Soulboy]

I guess like most people on this forum Im marching on a bit, and if there's one thing us old sods enjoy doing its having a good old moan. Here's what gets me all Victor Meldrew

1- Goal Celebrations; Pointing your forefingers skywards after hitting the onion sack, originally no doubt to honour a deceased family member, now every c...s at it. Power slides onto the knees. They wouldn't try that at Figgs Marsh. A mate of mine did, got dog turd in a cut and was off work for a month

2-TV coverage. Why do the cameras always show you the managers jumping up and down throwing their arms around? I don't give a monkeys what the bench is doing, they could be kicking sh.t out the dugout or kissing the third official, football fans are interested in the football. That's it.

3- Whenever you win anything, all that moronic jumping up and down on the spot the players indulge in- similar to goal celebrations, real braindead stuff- no originality or individuality, plus if you win enough things it will probably shag your calf muscles up

4- Stewards. In the old days they served a purpose ie aiming kicks and punches at Leeds fans trying to scale the North Stand fence, now they've f..k all better to do than hang around the khazis hoping to catch someone lighting up and grassing people for swearing. Load of coppers narks if you ask me

5-Roy Keane.

Have I missed anything?

[goose]

Must be diving for me. Really pisses me off the way players thrown their leg into the defenders ensuring contact.

Over reactions to tackles, Drogs was probably the master at this and the reason that I could never take to him the same way I could to the likes of Zola, Lamps, Terry etc.

Adrian Chiles.

[Peckham Blue]

Liverpool

[Beerqueen]

1. Steven Gerrard.
2. Wrestling in the penalty area at corners
3. Being told to sit down when away fans (especially foreign ones) are hanging from the gantries
4. People leaving to get a pie/pint/piss before the half time whistle goes (I always hope for three goals in that time!)
5. Barcelona
6. Tiki taka football which leads nowhere
7. Liverpool fans
8. Most commentators especially re Chelsea
9. Actually most media re Chelsea
10. And most of them about the love in with Liverpool
11. ....and tiki taka football
12. Wenger
13. and Rodgers

I'm quite stroppy really!

1.  

[Lofty.]

Things that get up my nose about modern football. Part One.

 

1.Prices. I haven't lived within travelling distance of the Bridge for many a year, but even if I did, I couldn't afford to be a regular matchgoer. Grumpy old git that I am, I remember paying at the gate out of my pocket money, or from my after school job. I very rarely worked Saturdays during the football season, for obvious reasons.

2. Tourists. Corporates. The bar stewards who CAN afford to attend regularly but who regard it in the same way as they would a trip to the theatre.

3. Constant, endless over-analysis from every possible angle. Remember when Instant Replays were a novelty? So much so that they'd tell you it was an instant replay, just in case you got confused.

4. Sky. TV Money. Pay per view. I don't have Sky. I won't have it in the house. Alan Sugar has got a LOT to answer for,

5. Face clutching. Far worse than diving even, is the sight of a grown man clutching his face in apparent agony having felt his cheek brushed by an opponent's arm. I'd like to introduce a rule permitting the staking out of a serial face clutcher, either in the centre circle or even better - over the penalty spot, at which stage the opposition's star penalty taker would use the face clutcher's goolies for shooting practice.

 

That's my starter for five.

[Beerqueen]

I found an old diary from my teenage years where I was outraged that Chelsea had put the ticket price up to £1.20!  Around 1978 I think (off the top of my head).  And yet I paid £12 for a a pair of jeans around the same time (again from my diary, I wouldn't have remembered)!  My jeans haven't got much more expensive but I wish I could say the same about ticket prices!

[ForeverCarefree]

Annoyance from the game tonight.

Where the f**k have all the burger/hot dog stalls gone from outside the ground, they've all been replaced by merchandise stalls.

Feels really sanitised around the ground now, not really the atmosphere I knew and loved.

[moi]

Annoyance from the game tonight.

Where the f**k have all the burger/hot dog stalls gone from outside the ground, they've all been replaced by merchandise stalls.

Feels really sanitised around the ground now, not really the atmosphere I knew and loved.

Wot? No Bovril?

[ForeverCarefree]

Wot? No Bovril?

Not that I saw, was "gourmet" burgers in the stands... What ever happened to bovrill and a pie?

All I was after was a cheap and nasty hot dog with onions before I went into the ground...

[bluedave]

The way players constantly bounce up and and down after winning a trophy annoys me too. I've not seen this happen in any other sport, just imagine if they started doing it at the Olympics and you had three people on the podium bouncing up and down during the medal presentations... it would look ridiculous.

 

What most irritates me about modern football is the complete lack of any kind of sportsmanship. Screaming at the referee, diving, play acting, and just players acting like shameless, spoilt c**ts in general. I know that's quite a broad banner and covers stuff that has been mentioned here already but it includes just about everything I dislike about the game.

[CFCCAN]

Statistics bores the hell out of me.  The only one I care about is the score after 90 mins and who scored the rest is utter nonsense and worse than baseball. Who really gives a sh*t if a player ran 12398 yards during the game, time of possession, number of corners, red and yellow cards, number of free kicks, tackles etc...really... who gives a toss (OK maybe the agents).  The game is completely over analyzed these days.

[bazzablue]

There are several things that got on my nerves but i hate the celebrity football fan. It came trendy to like football in the mid 90's and they all seemed to support Arsenal. I had never heard Melvyn Bragg ever mention football but all of a sudden he claimed to be a massive gooner for years. Clive Anderson, Ainsley Harriott and the tramp biting Alan Davies to name a few. And of course the proud man from Cornwall Rory McGrath was another gooner. Absolute tosspots the lot of them.

[bazzablue]

[Cfcstevens]

With out doubt the fact that when I go to the bridge now as a non season ticket holder I'm sat next to either a Croatian, a Chinese person who insists on videoing the while thing (that used to be illegal), a toff with his wife who just checks Facebook the whole 90 minutes and talks bollox along the lines of 'darling who's that number 10?' And the gourmet burgers. Also the officials behind the goal for European nights!!! What the f**k do they do??????? Bring back the days when I could go on the day to the west stand, my dad would ask for 2 seats in the middle and we would climb the steps to our wooden seat. Heaven!!!!!!

[Beerqueen]

With out doubt the fact that when I go to the bridge now as a non season ticket holder I'm sat next to either a Croatian, a Chinese person who insists on videoing the while thing (that used to be illegal), a toff with his wife who just checks Facebook the whole 90 minutes and talks bollox along the lines of 'darling who's that number 10?' And the gourmet burgers. Also the officials behind the goal for European nights!!! What the f**k do they do??????? Bring back the days when I could go on the day to the west stand, my dad would ask for 2 seats in the middle and we would climb the steps to our wooden seat. Heaven!!!!!!

Giles Smith was very funny in his column last week about the fourth official.

 

http://www.chelseafc.com/news/columnists/bolierplate---giles-smith/giles-smith/giles-smith--it-s-back.html

[mactheknife]

As somebody who has only known the 'modern football' era, I can't harp back to a simpler time. But two things which annoy me:

1. The amount of planning required to go to a game. Firstly this is due to demand completely outweighing supply, especially in league games, meaning it is very rare that you can decide to go to a game a few days before, let alone a few hours.

But the main issue with the planning is the pricing. For most people it takes a lot of planning to decide whether they can afford to go. I think this planning aspect has been the largest contributor to the decline in atmosphere. The best days are always those unplanned, where anything can happen. Going to a game can feel sterile at times when I compare to non- league games I go to.

Secondly, the players relationships with the fans. Some players think they've bridged this gap by taking selfies to upload on their instagram. Well they haven't. Players should have a better day to day relationship with fans and the city they live in. For example when I lived in Newcastle, I saw Pappis Cisse a few times in local barbers; I just thought it was a nice touch that he was supporting local businesses.

We know they make in a week what most do in several years, but that doesn't mean they should be separate from the people who ultimately pay their wages.

[Soulboy]

In my view it used to be much more fun. Success does not equal happiness. Success if your a Chelsea fan means having to compete for seats with glory hunters from across the globe. Laughter seems to be in short supply at football these days; everyone's so bleeding serious- and as for atmosphere the old arguement used to be that you can watch the game on telly but you don't get the atmosphere you'd experience by going- well that doesn't apply anymore. Not only is there more singing and banter in a lot of pubs compared to the Bridge these days, sometimes SB would come second to a funeral parlour on the decibels count.

There's too many yuppies, too many foreigners, too many corporate w.nkers, and dare I say it , too many women. I've nothing against the contradictory gender, however we don't go to bingo or tuppleware parties, and they shouldn't go to football. With the exception of Cath that is, and she's never been a proper bird anyway. Bah Humbug

[F1905]

_{All seater stadiums ruined football along with Euro 96 when the face painted brigade came along and all of sudden “footy” became fashionable. What the fukc is footy !}

_{All the problems of stewarding that beerqueen and Soulboy rightly mention are due to all seaters and celebrity fans came along on the back of Euro 96. Get rid of the seats ,lower the prices like in Germany and create a proper atmosphere. However good or bad the bridge is , be it both these days and in the past  ,when I watch any champions league game  or european game the atmosphere seems 100 times better. Banners, fire crackers ,the whole crowd looking involved,making a decent noise (we have all seen them at the bridge ) .Maybe the “ultras” things will never (and quote rightly) be a English thing but fukc me it  has to be better than tourists with cameras.}

_{Credit those that do make a noise home and away but get rid of the seats and overnight it would be better}   

_{Ps got to agree with Big Figure re his moan}

Edited September 25, 2014 by F1905

[Cfcstevens]

Pretty much agree with all the above. This is why away games are sooooooo much more fun these days. Let's face it, how many corporate w**kers wanna go to stoke? Always a cracking atmosphere at Chelsea away days. Something extra special about being in the minority in some sh*t hole town and singing your heart out?!!!! Unless your in Wigan and then it feels like a home game!!!!!

[charierre]

The all seater stadiums was the beginning of the end for myself attending live matches. Blokes I'd stood with for years were suddenly flung all around the ground, not only that people I knew as just nodding acquantances were gone too. The stadiums that were filled with banter have been sanatised and taken over by the pc brigade policed by stewards who are 'little hitlers' and sometimes rude enough to stand right in the view of paying customers. On the field players rolling around feigning injury after little more than a tap on the ankles,players diving around, referees who think they are their to be stars in their own right. Away fans put into a corner of the paddocks which minimises the atmosphere. Pitches that barely change no matter the season, not sure how some of todays players would go on at the Baseball Ground. Finally the prices that have taken the game away from the people who helped make it the spectator sport it is today. As others have said that when Sky invented football in 92 it also took the heart and soul out of the game.

[mclovin83]

Can't believe nobody has mentioned selfie sticks yet.

They should never, ever, under any circumstances be brought into a football ground, same goes for ipads.

[Nibs]

Good thread this and one which makes you go all nostalgic.

 

Of course in some ways it would be great if football was still like it was in the '70's & '80's, when you could go along and pay on the day and stand with your mates and it not cost a complete fortune to do so. But if I'm honest that was great for me then as I was in my late teens and '20's whereas now would it mean I would still go to games? As I no longer live in Surrey probably not! With the hectic life these days and wife and family it really does suit me to watch on TV or get a stream up but I am still envious of those who can attend the away matches.

 

There was a great article online the other day from one of the guys from the Chelsea Supporters Trust  - worth looking up. Can't remember the numbers and exact details but it compared the price of a pint and going to the pictures with the price of going to watch Chelsea over the years and it was more expensive to go to the cinema than it was Chelsea up until the late '70's I think. The percentage increase since the '90's has been criminal and the average bloke just cannot afford now, especially if he has a couple of kids. I know it's swings and roundabouts. Yes it is expensive and the atmosphere doesn't even come close to compare but now families can watch with better facilities / toilets etc in comfort without the fear of having their heads kicked in!

 

Have to agree on the burger thing. When I first went to Chelsea (and Wimbledon stadium to watch Speedway or banger racing) back in the '70's, my endearing memory is of the fantastic taste of the burger with onions fresh from the stall. These days gourmet burgers come nowhere near and needless to say are 10 times the price!!

 

I feel my son is going to miss out on how great attending football once was but as I say, it's swings and roundabouts and there will always be good and bad as things change.

[Cfcstevens]

As you say nibs theres good and bad things about change. One of my first games was Sunderland at home in the mid 80's. Went with my mum and dad and we sat in the east stand. I'm sure some of the older chaps on here will remember this game??? Being only young I cant quiet remember it all but I can remember a few wooden seats hitting my old man while he was covering me from being cracked and fans littered all over the pitch and so on. This has obviously changed now for the good. The bad thing that comes with all seater stadiums is less people can get in the ground which means more demand which means higher pricing which means the better off people can afford it!! This in turn means a lack of atmosphere. I'm trying to come up with some good things about the modern game but i'm struggling!!!!!! 

[Soulboy]

Going back to the a u abundance of females that now go to football and the inevitable knock on effect to atmosphere, here's a few thoughts;

Why don't clubs restrict the amount of birds allowed in to games? A bit like when you'd be trying to get into a nightclub, and the bouncer would say- Not tonight lads. We've got too many blokes in etc

Surely the same should apply with the fairer sex and admittance to SB- Sorry girls, I know you've got tickets but I can't let you in cause theyres too many birds in. Better luck next week etc. Im sure they'd understand.

Another option might be to house all the women fans together, lets say at the very top of the East Stand. What would be a fair allocation? 100 seats maybe- make that fifty.

No need for matchday programmes. They'd all be up there reading Hello magazine, and offering tactical insights such as COOOOR! LOOK AT THE THIGHS ON HIM.

Like all football fans they'd run the risk of falling foul of the steward Gestapo. Unlike us blokes however, they could always blame an outburst of foul abuse aimed at the opposition or the ref on their monthly cycle- and probably get away with it.

ONLY KIDDING GIRLS. We love you really x

[Soulboy]

PS the funniest thing I ever saw I ever saw at football involved a female spectator. It was Boxing Day, Millwall v Oxford. Me and half a dozen mates were in the main stand, complimentary tickets, to watch our mate play for Oxford. One of ours starts digging out the Oxford centre half- MOODY. YOUR FAT AND SLOW. YOU'VE HAD TOO MUCH XMAS PUDDING.

With that this head spun round about 6 seats in front us- Excuse me she said. That's my husband your talking about and he hasn't had any Xmas pudding. Me mate thought about it for a few seconds before remarking- what you mean he's that crap without Xmas pudding?

All was said with smiles on faces, no offence taken, and boy did we laugh