Liam

And if you ever feel like visiting again Jane remember the house by the sea I mentioned is still there. Great to see you in good spirits as ever.

Loz you should never underestimate the power of the erotic attachment that some posters have formed with Mourinho. Imagine your mother fell ill and was bedridden in her home. To help with her care your father hired a nurse. We'll call her Ava. Perhaps as he was vulnerable at the time as Ava manages to turn your father's head despite her lack of any good looks or charm. They begin an affair and your mother finds out. The will to live drains from her and the last words she says to you are that her heart is broken. The day after the funeral your father marries Ava. You don't attend of course but you receive a text from her. The text says "you can call me mum if you like". For some of the Mourinho Fanclub their greatest fear is that we will win something under Grant. This would dilute The Special One's legacy if the same group of players can win under The Distinctly Ordinary One. The worst of all would be if we win the Champions League but you may have noticed the subtle campaign to denigrate the importance of this competition should the unthinkable happen. As long as Ava is head of the family I feel that all family celebrations will be a little muted.

Great post Tim

.........................Cech Belletti.....Carvalho......Alex......Bridge SWP.........Ballack.....Essien...J.Cole ................Anelka......Drogba 4-4-2

Go on ya gud ting ya

I don't see him as management material at all. In saying that it would be great to have him on the bench in some capacity, as a coach perhaps.

Let's hope it's a draw.

I can only assume that the guy he wants is not available until the summer. Hiddink?

I think you're spot on here. Too many people are guilty of underestimating Abramovich.

I've just changed it slightly for you Gem

I'll alert the authorities.

Are you only an idea Loz? Does that mean if we close our eyes you'll go away?

I love reading your posts Rob.

Congratulations Loz. You are Uriah Rennie. You do know, don't you, that the rest of us make faces behind your back all the time.

We'll wait for Loz Maksimov. You know the way he likes to be best in the class.

No one has got them all right yet (nor did I, needless to say). But as Loz hasn't posted yet I'll hold off on the answers. In case you're wondering here's the number of correct answers for each attempt: Midlandblue - 8 Bluenut - 8 Gullit4 - stole someone else's ideas Moos - 7 Murdoch8 - 8 Bluebeard - 7 Maksimov - 9

I'll let you know when someone posts the correct answer to all the questions....

1) The whole of the ball crosses the goal line between the posts and under the bar but does not hit the goal net. Is a goal awarded? Yes No 2) A substitute enters the field during stoppage in play. Where does he enter the field of play? Only at the halfway line Anywhere on the field 3) May the goalkeeper wear a short-sleeved jersey? Yes No 4) If, while the ball is in play, a player of the defending team deliberately punches a team-mate in the defending team’s penalty area, can he be sent off the field? Yes No 5) What is the maximum length of a half-time interval? 7 minutes 10 minutes 15 minutes 6) How many players may compete for a drop-ball? 2 4 Any number 7) At the taking of a penalty kick, the kicker runs up, steps over the ball and backheels it to a colleague who then runs in and strikes the ball into the net. Would you award a goal? Yes No 8 ) A player scores directly from a corner kick. Is this a goal? Yes No 9) Must the ball leave the corner arc at the taking of the corner kick for it to be in play? Yes No 10) A player takes a corner kick. The ball flies towards goal but it hits the near post and rebounds straight back to the kicker, who then crosses the ball into the penalty area where a team-mate of his scores a goal with a header. Is the goal allowed? Yes No

The new axis of evil now that the G14 have stopped thwarting our every move.

I see he set up one goal and scored another with two sublime pieces of skill yesterday. But did he run around a lot? That's what the game is all about (oh and winning of course).

Thanks for that Loz. Here's Jonny Cigarette me Sidney

He's inventive, and fun, and he tries things. A bit like Joe Cole. There are plenty of Steve Sidwells in the entertainment business. It's good to find someone who likes to beat his man 3 times but then loses the ball the odd time.

I see now why Star has been silent. He's been headhunted by the BBC.

It's too early for Lampard in my opinion.

I dunno. I think I'd get a w ank out of Kerry.