Posted October 7, 200816 yr I'm sure what happened to me tonight will have happened to most people at some point in their lives. Spending the evening with friends, who announce that they have a really good DVD we can watch. Ten minutes (or less) into he film, I realise it is hugely boring. There follows two hours which feel like five, during which I try to look interested, try to keep my eyes open, try not to yawn, and frantically try to think of a plausible excuse to leave early. I fail miserably. So, if you have been fortunate enough thus far in your lives not to have seen a MelGibson film called Conspiracy Theory, I would advise you to continue to eschew it. It also "stars" Julia Roberts and Patrick Stewart. It is p*sh of the most dribbly drabbly kind. Perhaps others would like to leave warnings in this thread so that we can all avoid challenging our boredom thresholds.
October 7, 200816 yr :D 'Conspiracy Theory' has a scoring on the enjoyment chart to rival an evening in listening to Piers Morgan. However I see your 'Conspiracy Theory' and I raise you 'Analyse This' (or the life and works of Ben Stiller)
October 7, 200816 yr Spending the evening with friends, who announce that they have a really good DVD we can watch.Ten minutes (or less) into he film, I realise it is hugely boring.. Resort to the fruitbowl! Conspiracy Theory sounds good? What's it about?
October 7, 200816 yr Author The Matrix or anything with the words "Star Wars" in. The Da Vinci Code. Stephen Fry described the book of Da Vinci Code as "arse gravy" - he was quite right! I didn't go to see the film, but I'm sure it was even worse.
October 7, 200816 yr Author Resort to the fruitbowl! My mind is working overtime to fathom how this would have helped. How much fruit would I have to eat to induce an attack of diarrhoea before the end of the film?????
October 7, 200816 yr ethicalstrategy was right on the money with the Matrix and the Da Vinci Code but then he got carried away with the fame and said 'Star Wars' and in an instant lost all credibility! I shall now do likewise and say that I am possibly the only male in the world who would rather see my own arse set alight then sit through Indiana Jones films.
October 7, 200816 yr The Last Winter is absolute shat. A film that got promoted by showing it as a story within the trailer but when you watch it, there really is nothing to it, at all! Actually it's making me mad thinking that I now sat through the whole thing!
October 7, 200816 yr Author :D 'Conspiracy Theory' has a scoring on the enjoyment chart to rival an evening in listening to Piers Morgan.However I see your 'Conspiracy Theory' and I raise you 'Analyse This' (or the life and works of Ben Stiller) I see your "Analyse This" and I raise you "The Holiday". This is a truly awesomely bad film with Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jude Law and Jack Black. But at least I went to the cinema to see that, so undercover of darkness I was able to fall asleep.
October 8, 200816 yr THe Holiday is a travesty, as are the Matrix movies. Star Wars are brilliant (the first, or second 3) Have to admit, I was not overly impressed by Meet The Parents the first time I watched it, after being told how great it was by so many people!
October 8, 200816 yr Let's face it 95% of all films that have "Made in USA" on the can are crap. Long live Pedro Almodóvar (A real filmmaker)
October 8, 200816 yr Stephen Fry described the book of Da Vinci Code as "arse gravy" - he was quite right! I didn't go to see the film, but I'm sure it was even worse. i will never watch that film, it just reeks of garbage film making. tried to watch a film called equilibriam a few nights ago. what a god awful piece of rubbish. and any film where an actor has tried directing a heart wrenching drama.... NO, JUST NO!
October 8, 200816 yr Author i will never watch that film, it just reeks of garbage film making. tried to watch a film called equilibriam a few nights ago. what a god awful piece of rubbish. and any film where an actor has tried directing a heart wrenching drama.... NO, JUST NO! ALL heart-wrenching dramas are crap! Especially Titanic! Have to say, though, while I generally think actors should stay in front of the camera, I was impressed by Clint Eastwood's Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, as well as The Unforgiven.
October 8, 200816 yr Not just American films .... how about Attonement.. I lasted a full 10 minutes ! and it won awards.. bloody lovies !!
October 8, 200816 yr Author Not just American films .... how about Attonement.. I lasted a full 10 minutes ! and it won awards.. bloody lovies !! Atonement was an unspeakably bad rendition of a good book. Again I voted with my eyelids and fell asleep - the friend I was with told me she had wept buckets. Oh puleeeeeeeeese! I never understood why it won awards. Probably becuase of the see-through dress.
October 8, 200816 yr The Portrait of a Lady with Nicole Kidman had me checking my watch every 5 minutes. So did Titanic. God, what a long wait before that bloody boat finally sank.
October 8, 200816 yr Totally agree with ethicalstrategy regarding Star Wars. I've only ever seen the first 10 minutes of the first Star Wars movie, and that was 10 minutes too long. I got so pissed off with the gay robots I didn't pursue the movie any further, and from what I've seen from various clips over the years I made the right choice. I thoroughly enjoyed "Porky's", a really funny film, but the sequel, "Porky's 2" (how original!) was absolute sh*te. I sat watching it waiting for it to improve, but it never did - a real disappointment.
October 8, 200816 yr There are lots of "worthy" films out there which are complete and utter sh ite. But because they play in "arthouse" cinemas people think if they don't like them that there must be something wrong with them. Bit like John Obi Mikel. I would highly recommend, just for the sheer awfulness, a film called "My Friend Ivan Lapshin". This is mind-numbingly boring. Believe me you won't believe it until you try it. Here's an excerpt from a typically cloying review in Time Out: Gherman's methods are resolutely observational and low key, and his subject is the lull before the storm; the drama emerges as if by accident from a collage of resonant and deeply felt scenes from day-to-day life. Wonderfully vivid performances and amazingly original camerawork (mostly in elegantly faded monochrome) bring a vanished world to life with complete conviction. We all know what "resolutely observational and low key" means - crashingly boring, never mind the completely inexplicable "elegantly faded monochrome" which just means the film even appears dull. Edited October 8, 200816 yr by Liam
October 8, 200816 yr The longest and most pretentious piece of crap I've ever seen was Magnolia. Some film rules in the Oliver household include avoiding any film which... 1. Has Robin Williams in it 2. Has Jim Carey in it 3. Has Tom Hanks in it in a funny role 4. Is described in the marketing spiel as 'zany' 5. Has Bob de Niro in it trying to be funny 6. Has Dustin Hoffman in it and was made post Kramer vs Kramer 7. Was directed by Guy Ritchie 8. Has Mel Gibson having a go at the British in it 9. Is called 'Green Street' 10. Has any american actor trying to do a British accent in it.
October 8, 200816 yr Another one just sprung to mind ... The Body Guard... old quivery lips herself.. what a load of utter cr*p .. probably got that song in my head for the rest of the day now :-( and you got to be kidding about the original Star Wars Trilogy.. one of the best ever.. .. but I think this is a generation thing :D I was 7 when my brother took me to the first Star Wars film when it was first released and I was completely hooked forever. Oh another one just popped into my mind that will probably be like the Star Wars to the current Generation.. Harry F***** Potter and that other one Bored of the Rings....
October 8, 200816 yr Any Adam Sandler film. Watching a grown man pretend to be a child over and over and over again just has no appeal to me whatsoever. I would also say that Junior (the film in which Arnie gets pregnant) is comfortably the worst film I have ever paid to see in the cinema.
October 8, 200816 yr If ever there was a case of the Emporer's New Close, then surely Derek Jarman's Blue is it. In case you don't know, this "film" is a constant blue image with a voice over. I don't know who the voice over is by because I've never brought myself to watch it. Silent films are one thing - but imageless? And yet to read your average pretentiousto the point of inanity critic, this is a masterpiece. No it's not. It's a piece of self-indulgent crap.
October 8, 200816 yr another film which is the worst movie of all time is called snatch. What a load of complete sh*t. Those americans can't make movies at all!
October 8, 200816 yr another film which is the worst movie of all time is called snatch. What a load of complete sh*t. Those americans can't make movies at all! Ermm - the Coen brothers
