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Things you'll never hear them say..............


just

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Inspired by Loz's witty captions for some of us on the Doing the rounds in the City (Hiddink) thread, (and to break the tension leading up to the Barca kick off), I thought I'd start a separate thread where we can all have a go.

Basically, make up a quote from someone making a comment, or giving a view, you know they'd never make. Like:

Arsene Wenger: - "of course I saw it. It was right in front of me. I'm not blind am I? It was a terrible challenge and the ref was 100% right to give Cesc a red card".

David Beckham:- "Nuffink lasts forever. No-one needs to tell me dat I'm not the player I was, which is why I have decided to retire from international football."

Michel Platini - "Rather than moaning about the situation, other nations need to copy the english football model."

Sepp Blatter - I agree with everything Michel has just said. English football should be congratulated, not pilloried, for moving football in a new direction"

Andy Gray- "You can see from the slo-mo there what a shocking incident it was. And it's something I have drawn attention to time and time again with this player. Steven Gerrard blatantly dived to win that free-kick and the authorities surely have to take action now".

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Graham Poll - I would prefer it if you didn't point that camera at me.

Florent Malouda - Lets snap these f**kers in two.

Phil Thomson - It is true, Liverpool does have a lot to be ashamed about

David Speedie - Fancy a curry and a pint Kerry?

Kerry Dixon - Sure thing Speedo

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Good idea about this being a tension breaker just, getting nervous here.

Joey Barton: Okay, I did it and I regret it, I plead guilty your honor.

Frank Lampard: I enjoyed my time at West Ham, their fans are brilliant.

Alan Shearer: f**k. Didn't think this one through. I miss Gary and Alan. Not Mark.

Robbie Keane: I didn't tink dere was one decision dat whet against us today, fair play to der linesmen.

Steven Gerrard: My misses has a big, manly chin. I find it sexy.

Peggy Mitchell: Come into my pub.

Liverpool FC: We accept some of the blame, we're sorry.

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Alan Green BBC Radio 5live "the Liverpool supporters are very, very quite tonight in Anfield".

Clive Tyldsley ITV Sport "the Liverpool supporters are very, very quite tonight in Anfield"

Andy Gray SKY Sports "the Liverpool supporters are very, very quite tonight in Anfield"

Stan Collymore Talksport radio "the Liverpool supporters are very, very quite tonight in Anfield"

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Harry Redknapp - Lets do this deal by the book.

Phil Brown - Liam, will you be my best man?

Arthur Boruc - I'd like to name this cheeseburger after the late great Bobby Sands (I'm in trouble for that one)

Barry Ferguson - Can I have that kebab without sauce?

Stan Collymore - Lets talk this through like adults sweetheart.

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Harry Redknapp - Lets do this deal by the book.

Phil Brown - Liam, will you be my best man?

Arthur Boruc - I'd like to name this cheeseburger after the late great Bobby Sands (I'm in trouble for that one)

Barry Ferguson - Can I have that kebab without sauce?

Stan Collymore - Lets talk this through like adults sweetheart.

Haha...brilliant one of Boruc!

Alex Ferguson You're from BBC? Of course I'll give you an interview.

Arsene Wenger A post match drink in your office sounds absolutely delightful.

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Felipe Scolari No, no, no, don't warm up, Belletti, you are not coming on in this game.

Arsene Wenger 30 million? Sounds like a steal!

Any sane person Lampard, psh, Giggs thoroughly deserved the award.

Jon Obi Mikel No thanks, I have to drive.

;) Sorry Mikel, but you had it coming.

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Harry Redknapp - Lets do this deal by the book.

Phil Brown - Liam, will you be my best man?

Arthur Boruc - I'd like to name this cheeseburger after the late great Bobby Sands (I'm in trouble for that one)

Barry Ferguson - Can I have that kebab without sauce?

Stan Collymore - Lets talk this through like adults sweetheart.

Can you go a chicken supper Bobby Sands?

Brilliant

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Chelsea fans - We love and respect Peter Kenyon

Ken Bates - I think the FA is run very efficiently and always has been

Roman Abramovich - I'm skint, I don't have a ruble to my name

Ashley Cole - Of course I'll take a pay cut

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Alan Hansen - "it's proving tough for Chelsea to break them down at the moment. Barcelona have really parked the bus at Stamford Bridge tonight. Defensively, Messi has been superb."

Chris Waddle - "aye it's true. I've had a Chelsea season ticket for a few years now. I've always had a soft spot for them"

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Alex Ferguson..Ref I know we're losing but my watch says it's full time..blow the effin whistle.

Roy Keane..I have nothing but respect for some of the UTD players such as Sparky and Brucie who have gone on to be great managers..I just keep my head down and learn the trade hoping one day to be able to emulate them.

Stephen Hunt..I admit I purposely left my leg in on Petr, can't believe the way he played against Barca last night, I thought I'd finished him.

Xabi Alonso..Frank Lampard is the best midfielder in the Prem, I like the bloke and will swap shirts with him next time we play.

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Alex Ferguson - that’s a lovely clock you’ve given me there. No doubt about it, I should have retired years ago.

Arsene Wenger - is that what the word ‘spirit’ means? I’d often wondered, even though I use it a lot.

Steven Gerrard - fair play to Fabio, no way do I deserve to be anything other than substitute the way I’m playing at the moment.

Andy Gray - there’s absolutely every doubt about that!

Richard Keys - you haven’t got a ****ing clue, have you Andy?

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