I think Drogba will surprise a few of you this season. There is life in the old Drog yet!

We should just let the lad go to Atletico for the year and subsidise his wages. 

 

I can't even bring myself to be angry at him any more I just kind of feel like this watching him,

 

Latest Torres Miss Causes Excitement in Scientific Research Community

 

New Science Journal - Monday 28^th July – copy filed by Dr Just Selim

 

The 82^nd minute open goal missed by Fernando Torres in the pre-season friendly against Olimpija Ljubljana yesterday not only had exasperated Chelsea football fans shaking their heads in disbelief, it had a group of top research scientists pouring over the video data to analyse the flight and trajectory of the ball in a bid to explain how the target was missed.

 

Professor Hitthee Balova of the Zurich Institute of Astrophysics has led a team of five researchers in a bid to explain what has come to be known in the science community as the "Torres Effect". The 62 year old Bulgarian born scientist has amassed a wealth of empirical data over the past four years that he believes challenges one of principal laws of physics as mankind currently understands them – that of 360 degree geometric angles.

 

Professor Balova begins; "our study of the Torres Effect has produced some startling evidence which is at odds with the limit of the 360 degree geometrical angles known to exist in our universe". He further explains; "The two main variables we have analysed are called the First Angle of Direction, (FAD), which accounts for the angle and speed the spherical object approaches the mass of Torres. We then examine the Second Angle of Deflection, (SAD), which accounts for the movement of the spherical object away from the mass of Torres after contact". The Professor adds that mathematical modelling using the latest computer mapping techniques should accurately predict the mass of Torres’ SAD angles with precision, and yet the real-time results consistently diverge from the computer models.

 

The Professor and his research team are not yet ready to publish their findings as they wait for permission to undertake experiments involving the mass of Torres in closely controlled laboratory conditions. However, they are prepared to conjecture upon the reasons for the anomalies of the Torres Effect. "There is no doubt that a spherical object travelling at a speed in excess of 2.2 metres/second towards the mass of Torres experiences some, as yet, unexplained phenomena" states Professor Balova. One theory is that the mass of Torres acts as a giant refractor in much the same way that a telescopic lens bends and refracts light rays. But a second, and far more interesting and contentious theory, is that the mass of Torres releases an intense burst of magnetic energy at the point of contact with the spherical object which interferes with the moon’s gravitational pull on the earth and, for a nanosecond, transports the spherical object into a unseen 4^th dimension, and thence away from goal.

 

The highly respected Professor Balova previously worked for six years with legendary Austrian Physicist, Dr. Wisee Fallondoon, on their ground breaking study of "The Effects of Minor Wind Forces Causing Solid Objects to Fall to Earth" which subsequently came to be known worldwide as the Robben Hypotheses, and for which they won the prestigious 2006 Nebulous Science Award.

Quality find mate...hehe

You know he's 36 not 76 right?

Hes not 76? Well that changes everything then.

I don't feel sorry for him at all. He's pocketing a huge wage and presumably not willing to take a pay cut to move on.

Watching him play is turning into a cruel spectacle. He's become a laughing stock, yet he takes the money every week.

If they had any sense his advisers would tell him it's not worth the humiliation. Or maybe it is.

I'm surprised he hasn't decided to salvage his dignity and go back to Atletico on reduced wages.

In the meantime if he wants to stay he deserves all the flak he gets. It's his choice.

Edited July 28, 201411 yr by Socrates

Well yesterday he missed a half chance, and his saved shot, allowed Zouma to score, I'm not defending him anymore, but c'mon fellow blues, wait for the season to begin before you begin the ritual "stoning" of the prisoner.......

Edited July 28, 201411 yr by Ballack & Blu

Well yesterday he missed a half chance, and his saved shot, allowed Zouma to score, I'm not defending him anymore, but c'mon fellow blues, wait for the season to begin before you begin the ritual "stoning" of the prisoner.......

A half chance? If that was a half chance that what do you consider a sitter?

If they had any sense his advisers would tell him it's not worth the humiliation. Or maybe it is.

I dunno, I'm shocking at football and I'd happily play for £175k a week till I'm in my 60's.

Let's not be silly.... that was not a half chance it was a completely open goal from 2 yards with no defenders anywhere near him.

 

It is the sort of miss that makes people say 'it would be harder to miss that than to score it' and the sad truth is that nobody is even slightly surprised when the inevitable happens anymore.

 

Anyone can miss a sitter but the amount of those sorts of sitters Torres has missed in his time at Chelsea is sad, embarrassing and funny all at the same time.

 

Just off the top of my head I can also think of that miss at Old Trafford and the miss against City in the league last year, both of which fall straight into the bracket of miss described above. I am sure there are plenty more.

 

I honestly just don't think I can bare to watch Torres next season.... the situation has become farcical now and the club need to act.

This guy is beyond a joke now! It's almost painful to cheer for him :(

I dunno, I'm shocking at football and I'd happily play for £175k a week till I'm in my 60's.

Yep, watching Torres has become like one of those Celebrity in the Jungle programmes where personalities whose careers are on the skids are paid vast fees to endure public humiliation.

This guy is beyond a joke now! It's almost painful to cheer for him :(

 

Yet we are cheering a £50 million flop as opposed to Chris Sutton, Pierluigi Casiraghi in days of yore, or alternatively we could be Spurs Adebayour. We got it bad but im sure we'll get through it, just 2 years to push.

Edited July 28, 201411 yr by Shotgun883

What a miss. 

It actually took me about 10 views until I realised where the ball had gone!

Perhaps he could get a show on the Vegas strip as an alternative magician?

Jose was talking about Luke Shaw's wages, how about our 'Nando Chicken'?

I've a feeling some people may have a mild discontent for Fernando.

Jose was talking about Luke Shaw's wages, how about our 'Nando Chicken'?

 

Bit easier to justify £100k+ wages of a World and European Champion who came away with the golden boot on more than one occasion to a 19 year old lad with 1 competitive international cap and no European football experience. 

I think, based on the huge pile of evidence, Torres should either be:

 

a) Sold for peanuts and have his wages subsidised if needs be.

b) Released on a free, pay off the contract and just be done with it.

c) Left to languish in the reserves until January without so much as a sniff at the first team, in the hope that he gets so frustrated he asks to leave.

 

Of course, on his wages he may well opt to languish comfortably until his contract expires - the next Winston Bogarde!

 

But IMHO, any of these solutions is better than him playing another second in the first team. Paying him £175,000 a week to stay away = money well spent!

 

Pecking order:

 

1) Costa

2) Lukaku

3) Drogba

4) Bamford

.....

7,000,000,000) Torres (and even then, only if the opposition forfeits the match)

Has there ever been a bigger fall from grace?

A bigger fall from grace..

Personally, I haven't seen any for decades and most likely I won't see any in my lifetime. Lol.

Has there ever been a bigger fall from grace?

 

Liverpool to Chelsea could only ever be considered a meteoric rise, regardless of form!

 

Obviously the best conclusion for us would be for Torres to leave. But If we are going to be stuck with him either way, we may as well make the most of the talents he does have. I wouldn't mind it if he were employed as a backup wide player - he still has pace, he can still dribble, he contributes to the defence and his passing is better than some of other wide options. Just as long as he isn't up front and has no goalscoring responsibility whatsoever!

 

I've been toying with the idea that Torres (probably with some backup from Moses) could fill Salah's role in the squad (although he is a very different player). This would allow us to loan out Salah, who doesn't really look like the finished article, and would solve the foreign quota problems we've been having.

 

The only problem is that Salah was already a key player in a Champions League side when we signed him; if he's genuinely going to progress to the next level he needs to spend time at a top-level club, i.e. somewhere like Chelsea. I don't know where we could send him that would genuinely help him improve his game - this idea seems like step one towards him being sold for £2m at some point in the near future after two years of being disgruntled on the fringes of the first-team squad.

According to some news reports Atletico is willing to pay less than 10m for Torres. That's 20 % of what Chelsea's paid for him. Lol. I even doubt that the rumor has any substance.

To say it's a 'meteoric rise' is a bit ridiculous. I mean, their fans, excluding my own family, are deluded and do my head in, but it's not like you're talking about West Brom compared to us. Liverpool finished higher than us last season, are back in the CL (for now, of course) and have a trophy haul that is far superior to ours, unfortunately. They are even higher than us on most lists of World's Biggest Clubs and blah blah. Their fans are irritating but as for the club itself, you couldn't argue with the facts. Only thing is, we happen to be enjoying more current success than what they are, and we can actually hold onto our world class players.

His salary is very high. We should take an offer for £10m or even less. He is 30 years old as well. We'd never get £20m if he was 28...